A story of dialysis, gencon and gary gygax's dice part 1

In the depth of my illness I was shuttered with fear.  Kidneys failed and near daily dialysis had left me a shell of myself.  There was hope in a transplant though no operation is without risk and being large there was risk.  Because of this I was gripped in fright.  I needed a totem or talisman to remove fear and offer up some protection.  It was this need that started a voyage and quest.  Three travelers men of Edenvale sought a treasure that that could not be bought.

I, no hero, drowned is sickness on the trip to return home and live or die. This is the tale of the other two, good friends mourning me before I said goodbye.  Derek Long haired played guitar in a metal band and spent far too much time in the arcade along with me.  Brian the dungeon master seemed foolish but was cleaver and shrewd.  Here was our company that took the road. Through maps and months planning I finally had a route that accounted for alternating days of driving and hours at a dialysis unit each in a new town.  Some stretches would be close, we would drive with the hammer down others would require a short drive then long waiting.  The driving was no pleasure cruise, some of those had on ship dialysis which is very convenient.

Tyranny for You

lets do something more
something to speak of
When well wishers call
at the end of the day.
lets have something to say 
Some new intrigue
we must hunt down and catch 
A foolish wonder
to forge a tale
A quest!
An expedition
to take and return 
With a grand treasure
Won or inferred
Growth and Change
Caught in a jar
Oceanic sand
From lands off afar
Let me be different
than as I am now
with haggard outlook
weary far away
For other lands
I wish to have stayed
give me another
In the passenger seat
Also rapt enthralled
hearing the voyages call
Another far seer
taken to wing
That feel the song
Of which i sing

A poem about an abandoned building

The open door
Has be shut.
Open drive now
chained well up!

Concrete plaving
dotted in weeds
bleaches and blanches
in forgotten need

Around the shutters
paint fragments fade
Some builders work
left to rot decayed

higher hopes
perhaps fallen aside
within your walls
what dreams have died

And those dwelled
do they still haunt
woven in memory
gossamer caught

Will you end
some dower day
Or renewed rebuilt
given a stay

introversion

Close out the sound
and on the road
fleeing the people
young and old

I'm soaked to bone
in unpleasant mood
Something foreign
like evil imbued

Walls around me
are being pricked
too many people
surround and kick

And I'm weak
so I need to run
As you push in
it's a starting gun

Back at the party
All filled with cheer
I quaked and failed
All I felt fear

Carrie

Little one I am sorry for these fears. I am sorry you have doubt when you are so young.  I always wanted to give you sure footing but the world isn't that way and to you it is cruel. It has decided to acquaint you early with sorrow that it shouldn't.  There are some sad lives that live one happy all their days, that will look on us bewildered when we speak.  The winch you and I will give knowing pain will not be something they will understand. Perhaps you will sit aside feeling odd and alone as I have.  Somehow unbelieving at how they can't understand. 


A few words written for my daughter.  She will not understand now but maybe when she is older and more able to understand what she feels it will have more meaning

solitude aeturnus

lift up my anger
and wash it away.
Drown our the fire.
tell me you'll stay!

give hope the morning?
Dear love tonight
don't be silent.
Hurt me if we fight.

Tear and claw
break me be done.
then ever love me
until breaking sun

Give me growing old
And all the in between years

Lost for Words

This pleasant ambivalence
Will not sustain.
Of halfhearted inquiries
and shallow refrain.

We or us exist
Only with disdain.
revolving in fortnights
pinned by a silly game.

That is mine
fly wide on our own.
We've had enough
hands bit to bone.

No broken heart memory
binds me to your throne!

Tonight the Sky

Flowering trees stir against darkening skies and breath out their screams. This day started hollow and cold and ends the brave skulking low.  Those held up in golden bright halls cower down, lay low bold man! Ruin a watchword for them come to call. So the Scarecrow speaks.

Roleplaying Game Musings a couple of influences

I guess i am going out on a limb with this one as I have yet to do any related fiction for this topic.  But let me go into some of the influences of my game world E'his.  Much of the game goes back to my mistaken vision of the Digest publishing group's aborted A.I. project.  That was an early nineties attempt at trans humanism in an almost feudal setting.  Really there is pretty limited resources on the game but in years past I got in touch with Joe Fugate who was sort of the head of DGP before Roger Sanger.  With chatted back and forth for a bit on what the game was intended to be.  While the setting was very different the nearest modern equivalent is Eclipse Phase.

Eclipse phase is a funny game in that it reveals the funny and dark secrets of role playing.  Those being everyone tends to play the same damn character again and again; and secondly character death often means you create a new character who assumes the same goals as the first.  This is because people often want to play some idealized version of self and the campaign sets goals rather than characters in most cases. It does this by presenting the self as an OS you can install into a body called a morph.

I wanted to steal, ugh borrow, this concept and see what I could do with it in a fantasy setting.  The cheap version of this would be hey I'm an elf now I am a dwarf or whatever.  I wanted to use something of a biological blank perhaps like the sholanti out of Jorune.  This seemed a little juicier from a rpg perspective and could allow for more morphology later.

One of the elements of Eclipse phase that is challenging for me is injecting fear when you can reload your character.  I just wanted to avoid this problem as you would almost need to force a soul into some inanimate object to be real punishment in that game.  I wanted to avoid this by using more of a rigger analog out of shadowrun.  The character physically inactive while the morph active and going.  Perhaps in the case of old age or great physical injury. 

The mechanism that jumped out at me was sleep as I was always intending a matrix like dream lands inspire by the french RPG Reve dream of dragons.  Again I am stealing, err borrowing.  As I have not read that book I am left with my impressions from reviews and what limited material i have seen.

The "animus" the player would be loaded into would be biological in nature and would amplify the dreamers control over the physical world, but only with regard to the linked sholanti like morph.

Sample rules part 16 the Beltinovites

When working on the concept for the beltinovites, I wanted something sort of filling the erudite role from Everquest.  That is to say an intelligent but fragile race, well suited to magic.  This is sort of the grey alien like advanced human that is present in science fiction. 

I wanted to not present something that was far superior and enslaved the standard human but perhaps had tried and failed sometime past.  Thus creating a group that while no longer in power may have some natural conflict with other groups. 

Within the game back story I have never wanted the Beltinovite to be children of the architect as it were, but rather some sort of natural evolution of humans.  I wanted them to have their own creation myths that often make claims that directly contradict other creation stories.  I am not saying they are in fact correct but the Beltinovites believe them as true.

From a physical perspective the beltinovites are generally short and slender; perhaps around five feet tall with light builds.  They have dexterous hands and large heads.  Along with this, they bear some elements of their trans human heritage.  They are generally not prone to disease and are long lived by human standards.  Some family lines bear more isolated modifications.  adaptation to non standard environmental condition is present in some lineages.


If put into Pathfinder terms they would look something like this.

Racial Traits

    +4 Intelligence, –2 strength: The beltinovites are intelligent but poorly adapted to physical labor.
  
Small: Beltinovites are Small creatures and gain a +1 size bonus to their AC, a +1 size bonus on attack rolls, a –1 penalty to their Combat Maneuver Bonus (CMB) and Combat Maneuver Defense (CMD), and a +4 size bonus on Stealth checks.

Cultural skills: The Beltinovites have +2 to all knowledge skills.
  
Cultural feats:  Beltinovites can take special feats related to their particular morphology. 

A poem based on The Band's "the Weight"

I feel there is more to this and it would go darker than it is now.   I will probably give it some work on the drive home and get back to it later.  But hearing The Weight played by the band so much this came out.  I guess all the radio stations are playing that song due to Levon Helm's death.  I tried to do something like song lyrics.  This would sort of work on a low key down beat shuffle if you want to put it on top of a song.  It am thinking something like The Weight

Stay your hand,
I'll do it in my own time.
Your aching for vengeance
I feel the pains of mine. 

Take down your halo
if you're throwing the first stone. 
It will do you good
to break these here bones.

Rest here a minute
You see them bottle in the trees
She once tied them there
When she still loved me

I'm ain't your rival
I'm broke just like you
but kick my teeth in
If it's what you need to do

Soon she'll be coming
I see her every day
She ain't coming back
I see her everyday

Threw down my gun
I'm a coward or I'd turn on me
See it sitting there
Under the hanging tree

Soon she'll be coming
I see her every day
You say I shot her
Maybe it's true what you say

I ain't been a good man
But I thought she was mine
Trying to hold her
I sure made a mess this time

Soon she'll be coming
I see her every day
She ain't coming back
I see her everyday

Sample rules 15 the Canisthratu

when working up the Canisthartu I was looking for something of a bestial race that felt interesting to me.  I am not a fan of anthropomorphic settings so I wanted to do something that wasn't a furry.  The look of the Canid race is not meant to be typical fantasy fare but more of a partially changed werewolf. A horrible and broken race, I drew some of the inspiration for look from a doctor who episode, I want to say Mind warp or something like that. Perhaps the nearest illustration i have seen is from Wayne Barlowes site.  It was something he was working on for a film.  It gets at the furlessness I wanted.

The Canisthratu are looked into an eternal struggle with the Green folk for control of the forest.  They are no like the green folk who have altered the forest for their own need.  They are seldom work to change their environment as they feel a need to weather it in respect.  They prefer to sleep outdoor with nature regardless of rain or heat. As such they are not builders but have constructed monolithic structures at sites of great importance.

Most of the Canisthratu dress in light sable leathers or hides in cold climates. Not fond or ornamentation they usually pack themselves for utility.  Many of their tools and weapons include a long heavy grip and pommel that is used for their on all fours running.  They are also known for the use of a dagger and chain weapon which is used to tip foes, named the theotla.

The Canisthratu are a stooped people though they would be tall if brought up to full height.  They move as a man and a dog at times.   They are flee footed, sturdy and able to pull all their strength from their muscles.

The faith of the Canisthratu resolves around elder shaman versed in blood medicine.  Much of their ritual magic involves blood sacrifice and the consecration and connection to the land.  They shamen use a set of obsidian finger blades called the shrike. As a rule the shamen are drawn from weaker stalk except from the Gaurall clan.  In all other clans shamen are acompanied by the Mergoff, a body guard of sorts. The Mergoff is always a heavy brutal warrior well capable of protecting the shamen but also serve as a source of blood for the rituals they cast.  The Mergoff is known for his many scares and wicket blade of station.  The weapon is a curved khopesh like weapon formed of wood, biomancy and obsidian.

Racial Traits

        +2 con +2 wis
    -2 dex they are strong but often clumsy in non Canisthratu settings.  They are aware of their surroundings
    +4 Save vs trip
        Cultural skills: +2 track bonus to stealth and hide skills

Navigate the Seas of the Sun part 2. A poor attempt to complete something old

Upon crystal cathedrals of the deeps
the silence brightly gleams
upon the mountains with fearful speed
through redwood estates to Holy Cities

of shattered glass where
stories forgotten scream
Of foolish invested children
with knives and fire raised

In the heroic dawns
of their lives spent storied lies
Down the rabbit holes
with flea market blades

Some sad little dream
of danger, taught against the sky
One raised up wrong
unable to quit childish days

Stammering fear for
this common disloyal world
creeps about the spine
wishing to be normal and fine

Ugly arrows of cruel words
Against his banner uncurled

Sample rules part 14 the Vrehalija

Having written so much fiction for the game project I have been working on I figure I should try to address some of the races I have talked about more mechanically.  I have written some of the Vrehalija a sand pilot named Ooshinahope.  I wanted to talk more generally about my concepts for his people.

While I am trying to infuse the game with it's own character and style, this race draws pretty heavily from the High Human concept that is present in many games.  I wanted them to fill the roles of both character and potentially villain so I feel that progressive disdain for the primal suits them.

In game terms they are the corrected Caz'zit made tall and strong limbed.  They are as strong and hearty as human, nimble and quick footed.  I would view them as average or someone above average on these attributes, but never reaching exceedingly high levels of aptitude. They are well spoken and charismatic.  Their minds are rugged and resistant, with even the young wise beyond their years.  One element that betrays their Cazz'it heritage is their dark almost scaled skin.

The dress and customs of the people were sort of a mix of Comanche and feudal Japanese.  My idea is to fuse the Comanche leaderless Nation less structure with the courts of the samurai.  So having roles and even titles come into being and cease to be depending on the time of year.  A high chief of the winter court may only perform meager roles in the summer for example.  The dress would be the kimono somehow reworked in leather and beads.

While most of the Vrehalija are pilots, horsemen and caravaneers some have taken to the cities.  There is some worry that they will be overtaking the Cazz'it position of prominence.

The most common weapon of the Vrehalija is a riding lance sort of a heavy spear.  They are also known for a particular type of horned war maul or tetsubo. It is a long heavy ended weapon used while mounted.

If put into Pathfinder terms they would look something like this.

Racial Traits

        All physical traits must be between 10 and 14 (the point purchase method of creation is best used for creating Vrehalija heroes)
    +2 to Wisdom
    Cultural skills: +2 racial bonus to Pilot and ride skills
   

Grand Designs

There is no secret there is you though.  There is a person who can affirm or deny the life that is lived.  You can accept or deny the treatment others give you but staying or walking away.  You can work at what you love, even if hidden in the deep of night after the work day is done.  You can treat others well and find those who do so in return. Keep them close and work at those friendships, they are the ones of some worth.  You can love and expect it returned, I wouldn't waste my time if it was not.  But remember some of us are slow in understanding and slower in  showing love.  Give us slow ones some extra time, it's often worth it.  You are beautiful care for those who are not.  Work hard even if it comes easy nothing great ever came by waiting.  Set things right even if hard or you would rather not get involved.  Justice doesn't just happen.

a poem for my QA brothers and sisters

The waiting and wondering
The validating the slumbering
Another build dev doesn't test
Not one bug laid to rest

Did you try the math
there would be no bug if you hath
Did you even read the page
Half German half french i rage

The button maybe you could click
Work this quality you look like a prick
Jira says it's fixed i can test
but you want a couple days rest

Don't look til design as a peek
Your testing to early you freak
On hand off I only have an hour to look
How is QA always on the hook?

Song of Ice and fire and Alignment

In watching and reading the Song of Ice and fire series, I have noticed a much more realistic portrayal of alignment than in the AD&D/Pathfinder system.  Now anyone who has played another role playing game will tell you Alignment is seldom used elsewhere.  But it is a very key component of the most popular game on the market so lets talk about it a bit.

In the song of ice and fire book series, you see characters who's view point shifts based on situation.  Broadly characters without power are often forced to more desperate acts.   You see Tyrion working to make sure justice is carried out in his role as Hand of the King.  Making sure certain character responsible for the fall of the Starks are punished.  After losing power after the battle on the river he is a much more desperate and self focused character.  Similarly the character of Ned Stark perhaps the most honest and straight forward of  characters in the series.  In the north this is a valued quality but in Kings Landing it is the key to his undoing.  You also see Sansa quickly learning discretion is the only way she can survive.

In our games the paladin often detects evil with a simple yes or no response.  This really doesn't get down to the heart of the situation for most of the creatures we deal with.  We ran into a giant who while evil really seemed just to want booze.  He situational alignment may have been thirsty and thinks we were an easy target.  Most bestial monsters would probably fall under the category of Hungry or defending its territory.

Perhaps the paladins auto detect could be changed with a take 20, sense motive check instead.  This would allow for better response from the DM should they be willing to invest the work.  Really i think getting rid of the alignment system would be fine.  But you have a couple of spells that target based off alignment that would become useless.

Having written this i feel a little bit cheap, selling something and not delivering.  I wanted to give something a little more in keeping with the title.   I am adding some of my own thoughts character alignment

Lawful Good Characters: Ned Stark, Davos Seaworth, Jeor Mormont,
Lawful neutral characters: Stannis Baratheon, Baristan Selmy (tends toward good), Kevan Lannister
Lawful Evil Character: Tywin Lannister, Roose Bolton, Little Finger

Neutral Good: John Snow, Robb Stark (tends toward lawful),Catelyn Stark, Bran
Neutral: Tyrion Lannister (tends toward good with power), Sansa Stark, Most Southern lords that turn to house Lannister after Renly's death.
Neutral Evil: Cersi Lannister (tends toward lawful or at least understands the value of it), Vargo Hoat, Walder Frey,

Chaotic Good: Beric Dondarian, Brothers without Banners (early), Lem Lemoncloak, Mance Rayder, Thoros, Danny (Tends toward neutral)
Chaotic Neutral: Jamie Lannister , Arya Stark ( tends toward good), The Hound, Robert Baratheon, ygritte, Oberon Martel
Chaotic Evil: Gregor Clegane, Joffrey, Bloody mummers, Ramsay Snow

A poem for the hillside

to the hidden woods where
the  lost can stay
dark during the day. 

Cold and hid away
from the torpid sun,
that rings the days. 

In the held fast twilight
linger the autumn souls
of old and whimsy. 

The swindling works
become wild dreams
in generations ahead.

Strange pages seldom read
Maidens and flowers
Elder gods waiting dead

Bright wings away
with wonder.
No point to stay

Gap upon the tiger
Dull in the night
only smolders an ember

Away distant dreamer
Greet this busy day
soon comes another anyway

A poem of past pain

Dear child in your sickness
you squall and don't understand
But where does it lead
when you finally become a man

Strike down the rage
it will go when we're bones
Answers don't come so
Rage against those enthroned

Give her heart a turn
And your safe, so you call it home
except wide eye mornings
where nothing fits in as shone

Drive to lands in black and white
Where the built decays glorious
And your past lifts up
Memories sung up in Chorus

Turn off the machines
them dead but giving life
All coming back cool
swollen; hurts like a knife

Failed filtration more time
we'll need next run
Shallowed breathing blood
This isn't any fun

A poem written of want and need

This is a poem written out of want and need.  Something that comes out with listening to the voice and timbers of  a particular reader on youtube.


Lift me up from this realm
of coke cans and scheming
That sits over the vales of import. 
Birth in my sight
visions of Cartesian curves
that replicate the land. 
Give me peace in the fostered dark
that comes with the lonely
and dies with the bark. 
Give me my beloved hound
to depend only upon me when I'm down.
Call back the banner men
Set a feast within the hall
Deny this wasting land
All paper and Marlow's needs
Speak of summer and idealism
in glades lost and wonder returned
Drape me in Nicene's arms
with her voice and fragrant breeze
Let dawn strike my sleep
And drive me upon the land
Pleasant dreamt towers
looming above heavenly grand