Cities in the Dust

Some hours finally left me alone;not the unwished solitude so easy these latter hours that saw my city yeild to duty, but removed and unweighted by the day. Long from the sun perception came before judgement brotherhood born before strife. Light seemed limited yet broke hard on empty seats. measuring out my missing companion in longing and leaving afterglow in green and grieving. Irrigation hissed alive in streets where night insects chanted diabolic hymms. This seems where I begin unaligned from lies and compromise monolithic of the waking day

Disciples of the Watch

Recently I have decided to become an fraternal order such as the elk. Not that have actually signed up or even know how I would go about joining. So if a random stranger asks I may consider it; I guess is the take away point here.

Perhaps you are wondering why an antisocial loner such as myself would be interested in the elks or moose. The answer my friend is gaming space. Lodges are closing left and right due to lack of attendance, that means loads of open space going to waste. Once I join and indoctrinate my fellow gamers we will own the place. All we need is a couple of back rooms and we would happily pay dues to be left alone. We already have our own conventions and more than a few funny hats.

Those sceptical will perhaps need more proof of concept. Some years back the Conquest convention was held at Ricky's Hyatt with annex space coming from the Elks Lodge. Several of my gaming cohorts mentioned how comfortable the space felt. One mentioned clubs and bars being difficult for him, but the classic rock, cigarettes and cheap beer just working for him. Also us tea totallers may feel less out of place when the focus isn't 100% on drinking.

This need not be limited to the elk, moose or eagles. A masonic temple or the Ordo Temple Orientalis may work better considering the esoteric nature of most role playing games.

Well this is all a delusion of my kidney medicine probably, yes yes thats right i should be working that's right
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Where the hell ive ended up on this glary random day

Some hours late in the day found myself wandering unhappily through how i spent my time. Again it's as though i waste the time i mean to put on my intentions. And afterwords have little to show with even less pride. Here well after I'm drawing dead against reshaping the day. Wondering what Heroines would think of those that take them for muse. Watching eyes dreaming as they may, wondering how much is seen.

Men of Station

Rain is tearing the rest of the evening to shreds while we are watching from the window on the second floor Hiding from eyes in a room we mostly forget set with awe as the grey spills across walls and chokes us with cold Faces burnt on thoughts of possibilities lost Unity in sorrow becoming singular again each walled form each other leave the nursery

stranded starfish have no place to hide

these days seem to be reapped in with long grass from the hill side Turned over in my mind and trailing behind Falling like grain through my fingers with little matter how hard i grasp But this is all allusion struggling with words to say im hurt And I feel words are mute with the distance that you are not When its only you and me Im wishing for what we used to be

Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns

Ah what the heck was that. It seems i have been neglecting my writing for too long. All that comes out is weak sauce indeed. Whats with all the alliteration i start with? Is that my style or a bad habit I have fallen into?

Mid sentence rhyming! Hardly Complex! Meter is non existent in my work but this truly throws it out the door.

I am talking about something has surfaced time and again in my mind. Some past summer day in a park above my house, Santa Teresa. It is changed and reworked in memory and light floods in making it all hard to see. At least this is what is going on in my head. And I am working through thoughts of time spend at this place even before the memory. Working out that even in the memory it has changed and is not the place i am looking for. That is what i am trying and failing at capturing. Seems like its been floating in me for ages and I cant get it out.

Perhaps i will work with the "of the unknown" idea in the future. What is going on with that is recollection of a series of dreams I have. The seem linked by a common thread of time and mutable yet congruent dream scape. Also hidden in the dream idea i can work through certain darker ideas I struggle with.

Well that is it for now. Drop a reply if you get a chance, i wonder who sees this crap.

;

Peach Blossom and Bitter Almond

Through all this light i can barely see whats moving through the trees. Its warm dull and sweet in the moments seeming unfitfully long as if druged with peach blossom and bitter Almond. Eyes close to rest devouring towers in the west, thou wide again. Aware days grown thin. Gone are ghosts i can't divine, i'll leave with specters only mine.

stargazer

Howdy folks

Since its been so long, I guess I will talk about where I am at. I feel like i am on a decent path right now and I am sticking with it. I am not really down on myself, but not contented either. I am impatient with taking it day by day; and want to rush to see the end of this road. But progess isn't with the planning but execution.

So what I am doing these days is

excercise (weights and cardio)
Reading my books (leibniz almost beat, then Heidigger)
working on the dark parts of my life to let in light
messing with my game stuff (atari)
playing around on the bass
Going to some concerts
working on some game stuff

I am thinking about having a movie sometime, but who know who would come when its one of my movies.

Maybe a game weekend around the 21st of April. Denise is gone then. Have some Catan or something like that.

Well thats it for now
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Cracklin' Rose

Well where have I been? Nowhere consiquential.

As this is about work and not so much accounts of my life I haven't had much to say. I dont know where inspiration is going but i am not finding it.

I have been removed from the yearning that takes me to the places i write about. I could say its isolation, but perhaps its just feeling the pieces do not fit. Maybe that i am lying to choose the mantles I wear. To say your living a lie you have to pretend yourself defined. Right now I couldn't dream to say I identify with A or B. For the moment I am the mass, or at that i'll play. Empty myself and fill again with contentment.

Damn a free Abercrombie & Fitch gift card

Man thats tempting, 500 bucks free of useless crap and all i have to do is click some link that takes me to porn or something like that. Ok gimps listen up dont use my blog space to try and sell or promote your crap. Cuz A) no one is reading this crap i write and B) the sort of people that would read this crap would know better than to click your link even if C) they shopped at Abercrombie and Fitch which they dont.

Since like me and my friend Derek are the only ones who look at this why not better market to your audience. I wear levi's only and i buy them through Casual Male XL, cuz im a fat fuck. If you want to sell me a Tshirt try a Rush, Floyd, Testament or Maiden shirt. Maybe some cool indie movies for Derek or books. The sort of people who would stop to read this crap probably like books.

So in closing use a blog someone reads or offer me something i would be tempted by like a crokinole board or some ice cream

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of the unknown aloysius

it begins with sleep. In Truth I am not even me mostly better but often worse. Within confused lands I am Aloysius.

Through Dust and crust other dreamers dreampt as ants we crawled or flies waited singular for windshields. This time birth came calm with little control, Croutched and crowded on disgruntled and decushioned bucket seats. Fainly with old fries but more ozone shocks of wires installed with uncertified percision. From trash heeps and old insulin bottles this was Haddibaugh's Auto. Peering lazily amit baroque banners pasted and plastered over windows recollection came slow. High industrial cloverleaves climbed over trailing miles of light manufacturing; stretching endless on and strangly carless under a supposed weekday sun.

Location not often clear in these tales and threw memory and oneiromancy murk these are but guesses. Some signs spoke of Sunny Vales spiralling climbs above train lines....Side lying tressels by Monterey came to sight and made sense with bland and bleak buildings abandoned in abated decay. All eyes wide as we arrived far south oaken ridged mountain views burnt to golden hue. Lakes and streams overcovered in asphalt marked direction and rationed out location momentarily free. From This sea arose structure that soon loomed above use with dangerous weight. Celebrated nothing ringed in shoppes in only seconds attendants would greet Haddibaugh in throngs. Each falling over himself to honor this imperial host of the illicit and illegal. Entangle with entourage Haddibaugh would be hours and I, alone.

Dreaming eyes presumed I search for Anglac Axebearer and other companions missing in the amassed sea. Soon i accompanied Nicene who stalked with nonesuch beauty,throwing open doors on september dark skies spiced with autumn and smoke. Far forests burned and yield up long the long sun drinking twilight in which we walked. Along lakeside parks nearly silent we crept about Jatte shorelines now solitary.

quotes came with her words pasquinade and poignant, envenomed ironic yet as tintinnabulate verse. Ribbons from her neck she lashed down my yoke so i dragged behind as she spoke. Willowing across valley wind washed all wild and struck. Driving whindes of her hair upon which I was fixed. At times she glanced back silent her face brightly fixed; as if masked by a photograph of her smiling face.

Through parks and suburban flat land we wandered toward her waiting home. Glancing in windows to see how others lived, we walked miles of three modeled repeating development. Navigating laberynths of poor planning toward the vales of higher rent. Into passes burnt golden in late summer she left me as paths split high upon the hill side and walked on lone, leaving me to recover from her memory, again alone.

High upon these trails i walked on hours vaguely toward home. Pausing on oaks low in the valley thunder rolled in bound up with words from high left. Half mocking and laugh a bone thin troll watched me from northward peaks calling at me. Big for a man he was heads well bigger and seemed some red capped goblin king under rollags of pumpkin red hair. In few bounds he towered over me smiling. This was Macalbee the giant a friend of friends and at least meant no harm. Also so he saught Anglac and would lead me back to the parking in moments, though in ours i left.

Watched by empty silhouettes

Ack! i find another blog gloming onto my esteemed monicker! To add just a dash at the end http://crescentstar-.blogspot.com? No one taught them etiquette. This name is earned and burn upon me though now seldom seen amid marks of vital cleansing.

Perhaps you thought these lies but fare more I fear are true. Naive accounts of night's brand upon me indeed wholly factual though lost in time perhaps unread.

Motley drama t'will not be forgot. Close your eyes and still might see these words break like water. But they are words of my self same sea

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Crescent Star Rock Score Card 3

Ok if anyone is keeping count here are some of my title references.

Bonded by blood............................Exodus.......................title of their first record
Navigate the Seas of the Sun .............Bruce Dickinson.............Tyranny of Souls
Kill Devil Hill ................................Bruce Dickinson.............Tyranny of Souls
Obscured By Clouds ........................Pink Floyd....................Record Title
Happy Phantom .............................Tori Amos....................Little Earthquakes?
A little Oblivion.............................Counting Crows..............Song lyric
Swiss Colony of the Slippermen...........Gensis.........................The lamb lies down
Golden Brown................................Stranglers.....................Unknown
Water Song...................................Hot Tuna......................Unknown
Ben Breeg.....................................Iron Maiden..................A Matter of life and Death
More Eroision.................................Grails.........................Black Tar Prophcies 1
Cold Lake.....................................Celtic Frost...................Record Title

Cold Lake

Abigail gazing hard
ice swells blazing sun
No more haze and rain
the day just begun

Boot tracks lead back
on shame and pain
Im walking fast
Silently anger remains

Time brings me back
Wood held stacked
Nevermind ice cracks
Im soon submerged

She's screaming now
mimed through window

Meh sort of lame, i heard some Robin hitchcock song with a driving lyric meter that got me going. I dont know it something at the very least. Inspiration is cold lately

More Erosion

I wouldn't normally be so mundane to use my space like this but boredom has me. Work has called me in for a late night push and nothing has happened so far. I was told to be here at 9pm but the changed it to 10pm after i left. So im sitting here waiting for work. I guess i am stuck until 6.30 am which is crazy.

I should have brought something to read but im not that smart

;

Ben Breeg

More time passes and still few words...

I dont know if this is a block or my own abstenance to the through of creativity. I would say there are ideas and things working their way free but in gets lost in the illusions of the day. Without destinction i've let these things go; im only haunting my mind as if some blanched photograph.

Measures are at once meaningful and unconcerned in my mindset. Time concrete, movement relative meaning unobserved. One could put some effort in and feel that was deep but don't let yourself be fooled.

Eschew the wandering of mind and happiness may find you but once devoted assuredly it won't.

Water Song

Well i am sort of hoped up on Mountain dew and not wanting to work on installing CVS at the moment. I figure i would stop a moment and talk a little bit about what is going on in my life. I am going to keep it high level and not bore you with the little facts as that I am listening to someone called Richard Thompson sing "Beat the retreat" at the moment.

I went on a cruise and made it up to the town in alaska that I always wanted to see. Hoonah alaska the tinglit capital of the world. I saw some show on kteh when i was 7 talking about a kids life there. I wanted to go ever since!

Denise and I are going to more shows these days. Testament has passed and Megadeth is coming up. I wish we went up to see Zero Hour but that is no biggie. Its fun to see some of the old bands in tiny clubs like Bourbon street.

I am doing weights and trying to get in a less round shape. Doing legs and back one day, then shoulders and finally chest. Trying to keep it to a major muscle group a day like that but also push myself to increase weight. I am going to try some cardio at home tonight maybe i can lose some too.

yeah thats a hot tuna reference

Golden Brown

I have been waiting on autumn for sometime now and on slow and dragging feet it's nearly hear. I guess i am looking forward to having something to look forward too. An excuse to want to see the people i seldom see or finally let myself feel the pangs that i havent called those long deserving. To admit there maybe hope If one can commit to the underlying work and not turn to video games and solitary mope.

To my friends I am sorry. Derek I should have given you a call long ago and have let inlaws and video games reign me. Rick you deserve those CD's and I am a terrible flake. Mark your my friend and I dont know how to be there for you with your mom so sick, cuz im a weak. Joseph you probably deserve to hear why i flaked out of your game but I didnt want to say I wasnt having fun anymore and i feel at odds with most everything you think. Ants I lost the common ground we shared and thought it was you when I am an elitist. Chiddo I never worked to find common ground with you. Dirk read the above. Brian I have been scared to submit your resume in the past because i worried you would do something weird that aint a friend thats a dick.

I guess that is the crap that I needed to get out and now need to attone for.

looking up this morning

Morning seeming pale
across the western wall
of hills that pall
and hold back the sea

magpies wander aghast
shrill calls feral terror
No wing of weight
The sky will bear

barren aeries greet
eyes soar form such light
soon set with some
quiet and wonder if not fright

Swiss Colony of the Slippermen

Well its been a long long time. I have been busy with things that seemed worthwhile in the moments i wasted, but not so much anymore. I guess you could say i have been in a self imposed writing exile. I have just felt that i needed to take something in to be able to put something out. Like i was stuck on the same themes and ideals.

I have been reading some Peake and Keirkegaard and have landed back on Leibniz door step. And trying to figure out just exactly what I am doing with all of this. Why I don't feel content in my skin and all that. Struggling between the lazy and the manic.

But around this time, I feel a pause coming over me. Like a few slower moments with friends would sit well. Though i dont find any calling.