Soothsayer

sing of eons and veils hidden in sleep I have forgotten of sun choked hinterlands ribald music wanderings Wayward wings on serpents that try hard to creep lent motion shuddering or floundering for skyward shores Idle winds come wild facing against it more limited helpless rememberer I'm sightless bore Yet the many soft returnings mark the past days arbor burnt nocturnal bright

Star Fleet Battles

I was given my first introduction to star fleet battles last night. I am really not sure it is my cup of tea. It reminded me of battletech, I think it may have originally been under Fasa so It would make sense.

I really didn't like the feeling flight in the game. I felt very hampered in what I was doing, I wanted to turn around and just fumbled around trying to vaguely turn left. I guess i was supposed to plot out a course or something but learning i just wanted to try to turn. My be i was supposed to turn to the left and point of slip to the right; I really don't know. I just felt like meh I don't want to think about this. Perhaps Battle fleet Gothic is more my thing, well except for the use of that satanic metric system.

I am really not a war gamer which may have been some of my problem. I just suck at thinking on the large scale and want to do the pen and paper RPG sort of thing. I would like to give SPi's Sniper a try that looks interesting. Also i wouldn't have to model vehicular turning.

I think i would like 40K in chit form do they have that anywhere?

Sheer Heart Attack

I don't know if my decidedly unhealthy lifestyle is working for me anymore. I just realized i feel bad right now. Continuing with that idea, I am often tired. I think I need to get some sort of exercise maybe. My heart is racing after a flight of stairs which isn't good.


I think water for as much of the day as I can stand today. Then maybe some veggies or fruit. I am just not feeling like I should right now. I can even feel the veins in my arms. That is not a good sign well unless you are looking for a heart attack.

The Ballad of Jane

There is no lost love to lament and no dreams worth crying over lost. It's not hurt smiled upon and revisited. Night is not long with loss nor courted with chords sadly ringing woe. I've no need of songs of guns nor poison warranting tearful nights of long ago. But sing sadly friend I mourn you today for its been too long and had forgot your song. Music seems meaningless mad by fools who thought yours had little meaning. Listening to song trite and simple, I forgot you knew well how to play.

Midnight Rider

I don't own the clothes I'm wearing. What an apt statement. You can't take my life, it was never mine. Life is a gift as rebirth is a gift. I have been proud and foolish to think different. I have thought all I have is this, In truth I have nothing. On what ground would someone stand and bargain or look and say no you are not great. All gifts are there for the taking but for mistake that you have something already. Don't be proud as we are less than nothing. Take heart much is being given. Give everything you are back.

My blue heaven

sit back sit back it all worthwhile from here just don't be clouded over in your fear. Its wound up in wonder at least for me just look out and you might see the sun begin to sink. All things ours are alright just remember than when worry comes tonight. Listen from the back seat the baby chats happily to the dog head held out the window as we go. We have time and a lot is sewn up tight as sun fades to night.

Got me running

Sorry i am super busy this week at work. I have a scrum sprint starting up so I am trying to work on several tasks at once. Its sort of hard for me juggling the beginning of several jobs at once. I am OK once I have been in the trenches but before then I need a bunch of thinking time.

It's sort of part of me to need to conceptually need to grasp any task. Think of the avenues of attack and get a mental lay of the land. Some people are able to just march up a hill and then keep going without thought of direction. In a physical space this is natural for me but in the mental/conceptual space Its not.

On project has be looking up various pages of a certain type. I needed to understand the aspects of these pages and what mattered and what didn't before moving on. Now I am at least at conceptually there. I figured out what i need to do, and took some time bridge the gap of how to do that. Now its just documentation of ideas.

Plus its my anniversary so i am thinking a bunch on that. It's been 17 years and with the time before the wedding i guess I have been with Denise more time than not. Its odd thinking that and I am only 37. That's not young but its not that old either. We are going to La Foret in new almaden a few miles from the house. I am going to skip on the frois gras I hate geese but still force feeding them is a dick move.

Winters Call

Under the cold of a falling sky
left alone on winters throne
Dry what I can't remember
On the embers of a breaking dawn

Sleeps left me, again elusive
ever illness come to call
it's clamouring for attention
on days i don't say a word

Wide wonder begone home
its still sickness for today
prickly pin feeling under covers
then awake cold sweet clammy

Don't dream, it's not coming
ever in need out of sight

When Lights Go Down

The mornings are seeming shorter and shorter. I can feel the time missing when I'm not with you. I'm missing so many moments of your joy, and it seems your bigger every time I take the time to notice. There are nights I'm exhausted that I come home late and think she will be asleep soon. And I am happy for the coming rest but then I hate myself for not loving the time I get. I love your flapping excitement that bounds and bubbles with everything. I love your babbles about anything said again and again. I love you Keri.

Private Eyes are watching you

I ran a game last night since our DM was busy. The first thing that jumps out at me is boy was I under prepared. I need a way to railroad the players when they need railroading. I left them to their own devices to much. Need more carrots and sticks. I have to say this is a pretty standard problem form me. I play way too lose with the story. I need to do more of a module approach i think. Or have more stuff planned to get the action going.

I was doing a late 50's early 60's spy game, that had monsters and magic thrown in. One player was a goblin, and a villain npc an ogre. I am trying to not involve much fantasy into the plot line, but rather have that be a completely espionage based story. More that there just happen to be these other elements.

I am using the Savage worlds rules to run the game, but again i was a bit under prepared to run. Really that isn't fair to the players a GM should have the rules well in hand. Maybe I should have tried the rules set i am working on. Then i would have been more familiar with them.

Right from the star the players proved the old gaming adage "give your players 10 things to do and they will do the 11Th. Tried putting a P.I. and a hood together but the hood broke away and ran off. I really lacked giving the hood motivation to hang out with the party thinking he was going to be there for the exposition of the spy threat. Now he is sort of shadowing the rest of the players. I think I am going to have him get pulled in by the cops. Then i will try to reconnect him with the party by having the fed player get called in for some reason.

I hate having to come up with some shoe horn to get the party together, but I'm a pretty sucky gm.

I talk to the wind

Ships are moving over the water
Like notes flowing in time
expiring and conspiring
from sound conceived in mind

Splinters caught in wind
cast over a field aflame
seeded in embers
Ring out in fear

Calls and warning climb
from house to home
looking for answer
but ringing upon stones

Little ships sinking with water
burning houses in the town
Don't whisper a warning
just comply to be mine
were running out of wine

I'm yours for longing eons
but stay lets end this day
It's ours for your making

I've read all the books about being ill

I have a had a lot of medical problems throughout my life. From my kidney failure, skin problems all the way to several ear operations. Even to this day the ear nose and throat doctor makes me nervous. I would much rather to go the dentist, in fact my dentist is cool. I can easily remember being terrified as a kid visiting various doctors.

Now that I am a dad seeing my kid sick is incredibly hard. We had to give my daughter some eye drops which had her screaming and very afraid. Just doing it put me back in the doctors chair terrified of some thing he was going to use on my ears. And then I would think of my kid feeling that terror and I feel like I have failed. I don't want her to go through the crap I had even in a small way. Feeling her fear put me in tears the other night. I know it and I know how deep it is when you don't understand what is happening. And for my why it seemed to happen to me so often and not other people.

I don't mean that in a why me sort of way. I mean it in a kid coming to understand that their is something pretty seriously wrong with them sort of way. So far my daughter has been very brave little girl and has had few of the problems I had. I am happy, me being sick instead of hear makes what I have gone through OK.

I am Superman

I went into a comic store at lunch this afternoon. I have never been sure about these places, I just don't feel that comfortable in them. Its like I am listening to a Rap metal band. It's close to what I like but that bit I don't sucks schlong.

First of comic book store employees are dicks. I have been in a few over the years and it has been almost universally true. The owner of Hijinx comics in San Jose is a nice guy who is genuinely helpful. So shop from him exclusively if you have the choice. The rest are douche bags who don't give you much time or effort.

Most game shop folks can talk old school product and have an idea where you can find certain types of stuff. To expand on that, they knew which shops dealt in used product or had decent back catalogs. They have an idea what products like Basic Role playing or Alquadim are. This does not seem to be the case in comic shops or I am asking for some seriously crazy crap. I understand the industry of comics is huge in comparison and the history is roughly twice that of the gaming hobby. But these people seem to only have a solid idea current titles.

To an outsider comic book store organization is fuX0r. It's organized by publisher, fucking publisher. That would be OK for DC and Marvel maybe i could make a guess between those two. But How the hell am I going to know about the existence of some third party press. I don't know shit about comics let alone who published it. Imagine a book store like that, its freaking insane.

The staff have invited their friends to hang out at the store while they work so they can ignore customers. And they will ignore you you can wander around and take a dump in the stands in some shops. The stench will mix with that of the shop hanger-ons and probably make little difference to the over all aroma. If you can get their attention ordering stuff will be a huge inconvenience to them and you. keep in mind you are going to have to come back if you do. To be fair this is mainly true for the game stores, stench especially.

Crescentstar Progressive Rock score card 6

Cuts like a knife, well everyone knows pretty much. its from Bryan Adams and is the title track of his most popular record. I really don't know why i used this for the title probably was just thinking about that song at the time.

One Pill Makes you Large One Pill makes you small is from Jefferson Airplane off the surrealistic pillow record. I was talking about my meds so figured pills was the theme.

Green is the Colour of her kind, is from Pink Floyd's soundtrack to More. It was a song I listened to back when I had more free time to drive. I remember listening to the record when driving Hicks road in San Jose, which is what I am talking about in the piece.

Party Hard is by Andrew W.K. off his I get wet. I had read some of his twitter stuff and just found it awesome. Simple Joy sort of like his song. Silly but direct to the point.

Most of the time is by Bob Dylan. Its off his Oh Mercy record but isn't the folks crap most people know of him. I think i was going for the imply opposition of my words that is inherent in his song.

All About Us is by American Analog Set. Off of the golden band record. I was just listening to this around the time i was writing so it became the title.

Trust is by Megadeth off Cryptic Writing. The piece is about my wife who loves Megadeth so I figured i would use one of their songs as the title.

Where does the time go is a miss remember of Sandy Denny's who knows where the time goes. Which is off Fairport Conventions unhalfbricking. I had listened to the song before writing so it was in my mind.

This is Halloween is off the nightmare before Christmas soundtrack. I was just looking for something about Halloween for the title so I used this.

Ready to Roll is by Flashlight Brown off My degeneration. I was just looking for a song about AD&D. There was actually a Camper Van Beethoven song I was trying to remember but couldn't. Let me know the title if you remember it.

Envy Life is by Testament who are a favorite of mine. Its off their Practice what you preach record. I was thinking about death so i thought of envy life.

One more red nightmare is by King Krimson off Red i believe. I like the Early KK but one of the people from my group is a fan of all their stuff so I thought about this song.

Keep on walking that road and I'll follow is a line from from Europe's Superstitious off Out of this world. I dont know how this song and the piece fit together, i think I may have wished i was out driving and listening to this song.

Memories sleep in dust is a line from Voivod's into my hypercube. This is off the fantastic nothingface record. I stole some of the imagery for the piece so i figured credit where it is due.

VintersKugge is a record from Isengard. I was mainly thinking of the frozen north and winter plus its viking metal so i figured why not.

The ripper is a song from Judas Priests, Sad wings of destiny. I think i was comparing the character i am playing to the ripper but i don't know its a good song anyway.

Hammer smashed face comes from Cannibal corpse. There is a lot of violent imagery associated with the band so i figured it fit.

Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson just seemed to fit for a self portrait. its from the Bad record.

Neal's Fandango is off Stampede by the doobie brothers. I was thinking of the rambling and traveling aspect so i used it.

Neal's Fandango

Driving streets that have been made and remade so many times you cant sort out the building that died there. Its all so new and remade you have to try hard to touch our history that has already been lost. Seems we set fire to all that is meaningful to remake it; whipping away the past for a future that was a mistake to being with. Technology centers full of pointless projects sit atop the ghosts of companies that dreamed our present in the days of my youth. The bars that birthed circuits are now housing; after a burst housing boom. Much is new and shiny and empty just waiting. Whole streets and centers empty. Well except for a few tractor trailers and weathered motor homes that shift about the city. Housing a few near homeless gypsy souls.

Man in the Mirror

I'm fat, real fat; and shorter than I should be but still pretty tall. I've got that Gary Coleman disease but come from tall folk so it worked out. My hair is brown with a little blond or blond with a little brown but lately its getting too thin. I cut out there curls so it seems thicker and covers up my head. I have full lips that are deep red and luxurious, they would look great on a girl but that's another story. The teeth underneath crunched and crooked but sit together fine so i never got braces. There is a cavernous cleft chin and a silly moustache inspired by Max Mavin. My nose is Germanic or would be if it wasn't so broke, now people mistake me Jewish. I've got little bumps that festoon my skin that I hate and razor away but them seem to come back in a few days. All in all a mess would you say?

Hammer smashed face

I awoke to find a large bruise discoloring the majority of my calf. On further inspection I was able to discern it to be a hematoma rather than run of the mill bruising. While concerning, I had become accustomed to unexplained mishaps of the year. Maybe I was a violent sleeper and maybe my wife had been roughing me up in my sleep, but this was an all too common experience. What i found alarming was my own reaction to this experience. In discovering the bruise I had looked for and detected an impact point that presented itself as the source of the damage. I found myself taking a sterile razor blade and removing a portion of necrotized skin around the wound. This allowed some flow of blood which in turn removed the discoloration of the surrounding flesh. Seeing the change in the marking I choose to proceed with a series of vertical razor cuts running the full area of the hematoma. While this allowed for a small lightening of the area I question my instinct. In retrospect I often find myself making questionable decisions with some regularity.

The Ripper

Talking about D&D and my more nerdy vices, I figured I would let you in on my current character. We are playing under the pathfinder rule set, which is basically a 3.75 version of D&D, AD&D, whatever. We are playing in the default pathfinder setting using Pazio's king maker series. I have been out for a long long time so I am basically just returning to the game.

I am playing a character based off a chaotic fighter a friend played in a campaign long long ago in a garage far far away. That character was an all black wearing fighter who just did weird crap. I am taking that concept and trying to play through it and create a bigger character. I am trying to give the back story that he was a herder that was pressed into becoming a soildier. To represent that i started with a level of barbarian. I will go fighter for awhile then maybe sorc to dragon disciple.

Str 18
Dex 10
Con 10
Int 14
Wis 10
Cha 14

Hp 12


Skills
Climb 1 +3+4=8
Handle Animal 1 +3+2=6
Intimidate 1 +3+2=6
Knowledge (Arcana) 1 +2=3
Knowledge (Nature) 1 +3+2=6
Survival 1 +3=4
UMD 1 +4+2=7

Feats:Improved Unarmed combat, Iron will
Traits:Dangerous curiosity, Roslander

Vinterskugge

Drums ring out from the treeline signaling those on the ice of the coming attack. A caravan of sleds pulled by yapping dogs fell with a hush as the first volley of arrow dotted the sky. The men gave cover to the children and women folk, draping themselves across and taking the brunt of the arrows.

In a moment amongst the carnage one would look down at the blood mingling and mixed with water, finding cracks and fingers in the ice made beautiful in gore. But that moment was obliterated with the first of the charge.

Whoops and screams rang out with the spear men rushing across the lake. Jannik waited motionless measuring their distance. Looking for the point of commitment in their approach. Finally he swung his hammer down hard on the ice. Then Again and again. Rage and terror erupted around him. Then the cracking of the ice.

Memories Sleep in Dust

These words fall, then sit here entombed, forgotten and in decay. They should run with meaning on others breath, but here they are held up. Stock Piled in the cellar waiting aimless; said, forgot, and re said as something new. Desperate to become meaning but falling short and said when no one was listening.