Thursday, July 23, 2009

Some Sunday Evening

let me hold you and I will be happy for awhile. lets have our hands on each other like two people in love tonight. Can you yield to me when I kiss you? Can you be just mine and put aside your doubts if only tonight? Can we be free together late in the evening. Will you still hold me after we have filled our hearts til their breaking. Will you look at me long and not throw up a wall with you legs balled up between us. Will you fall asleep with your arms wrapped around me forgetting your fears as you come to rest?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

One of my turns

Im going to say this as honest and simply as possible. Im not ok. I feel like I need someone to just say "I care about you. I'll come if you need me." Believe me I need you now, whoever you are. I feel like my failures are a burden to my family, I feel like even saying somethings fucked up here hurts them. Like Jim is having one of his turns again. heading home contemplating the silent freeway it gets worse, driving by a hundred rejections. When i get home its great with my wife and my girl, til it gets later and these feelings creep back in my head. Then i feel guilty even when they look at me, like I've been letting them down all their lives.

Why are you running away?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

wrapped up in powdered wool

Honestly I feel like an island now, I am reaching out desperately at times and I don’t think people get it. It’s like I am speaking in a language no one gets. They recognize me and say hi the just hear me and look confused as they pass along. I’m passing along little coded messages that it’s not alright. I thought they might have the keys to decode what I am saying, after knowing me. I guess I have kept something back for so long that I cant throw open the doors when i'm in need. Too scared to be in everyones attention when i say "help me". Maybe its hubris i just dont want to be weak; but it seems like i have been telling everyone just how weak I am my whole life. Pan Pan,test for echo

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Crescent star Rock score card 4

Watched by empty silhouettes.....peter gabriel...line from solsbury hill

cracklin' Rose ...Neal diamond..Song title

stargazer...Rainbow...Song from feel the rainbow i think

Peach Blossom and Bitter almond...Genesis... line from the broadway melody of 1974

chloe Dancer/ Crown of thorns ...Mother Love Bone....Song

Stranded starfish have no place to hide...Peter Gabriel...Line from The Flood

Men of station...Some Anticon project...Song title

Where the hell ive ended up on this glary random day...Ben Folds Five... line from evaporated

Disciples of the Watch....Testament...Song title

Cities in the Dust....Souixe and banshees title

I believe when i fall in love with you it will last forever...Stevie title

I believe when i fall in love with you it will last forever

I guess the need to write is welling up again. Strange how it comes and goes almost like an addiction, burning until you give in and then gone for a time. I almost beat it this time, but here I am timidly tapping out sentences. Maybe I am throwing myself in with all the passion of a new love, or one long lusted for that finally takes one slip.

I am going to do this and try to be as open as I can. Throw up some of the stuff I have long held back, not knowing where to put them. Scared they may be mocked.

Yell and prod me if more doesnt come along soon, I need as much pushing as I can get.