Well this is the collected and cleaned up bit of Christmas poetry about the Demon of Christmas. I have been looking into getting it literary publishing of late. I am not even sure this is something that is publishable. I have reached out a bit to some literary agents but few seem to have time or inclination to give any tips much less a review. I would love your comments as even the smallest feedback has helped in my writing process so far. You have the personal thanks of this fledgling author --Jim Rickel
A little girl watched the monster next door from a window and wondered. He was furry and clawed and had a hoof, not two! And he was barbecuing in the neighbors backyard! He would be scary with his horns but he sang off key, as the radio played Journey. Her Parents had said monsters weren't real, but here one was, grilling hamburgers.
She had watched the monster since her family moved next door; afraid at first, but curious each day a little more. He slept in a little dog house even though he was very big and stuck mostly out. The monster didn't make a mess and was nice to the dog. So the little girl wasn't concerned or astonished, but she knew something didn't seem right. He wasn't big foot or a yeti or even the Iron Maiden mascot Eddie. But he lived next door and none of her friends had a neighbor like him!.. maybe it?
The Monster was intent on his work and paid no attention to little eyes looking from the window. He just cooked and cooked, some for the dog and some for him but still more burgers than could have been et up by the two of them. While he watched the smoke trail away a dry and crumpled leaf fell from a mulberry tree nearby. This wouldn't have meant anything to anyone any other day. But mattered and the monster muttered and left the hotdogs still cooking, walking away.
A little girl watched the monster next door from a window and wondered. He was furry and clawed and had a hoof, not two! And he was barbecuing in the neighbors backyard! He would be scary with his horns but he sang off key, as the radio played Journey. Her Parents had said monsters weren't real, but here one was, grilling hamburgers.
She had watched the monster since her family moved next door; afraid at first, but curious each day a little more. He slept in a little dog house even though he was very big and stuck mostly out. The monster didn't make a mess and was nice to the dog. So the little girl wasn't concerned or astonished, but she knew something didn't seem right. He wasn't big foot or a yeti or even the Iron Maiden mascot Eddie. But he lived next door and none of her friends had a neighbor like him!.. maybe it?
The Monster was intent on his work and paid no attention to little eyes looking from the window. He just cooked and cooked, some for the dog and some for him but still more burgers than could have been et up by the two of them. While he watched the smoke trail away a dry and crumpled leaf fell from a mulberry tree nearby. This wouldn't have meant anything to anyone any other day. But mattered and the monster muttered and left the hotdogs still cooking, walking away.
What the little girl would see, if she could see, was the monster; in the garage, searching for boxes. Boxes of lights! Boxes of bells! Boxes of garland! All amongst the rafters loaded too high. And the monster, we will call him Krampus, as it was his name, worked with monstrous hands at a string of Christmas lights all wadded up tight.
You see this was no ordinary monster, if there is an ordinary kind, but a Christmas monster and it suited him just fine. Maybe he whipped the wicked and thought bad children were delicious to dine, but he kept the Christmas spirit as they did in olden time. He never knew a humbug or was without cheer; well at least during Christmas time of year.
Even though it was too early, Krampus worried he was late! Moving the calendar forward and circled the date. Many days and months, it was a long time away, but still Krampus worried and started working that very day. Did I say it was still summer, it was you see? There was still Canadian Thanksgiving and Halloween to go, Veterans Day an election, but Krampus thought about getting a tree.
Even though it was too early, Krampus worried he was late! Moving the calendar forward and circled the date. Many days and months, it was a long time away, but still Krampus worried and started working that very day. Did I say it was still summer, it was you see? There was still Canadian Thanksgiving and Halloween to go, Veterans Day an election, but Krampus thought about getting a tree.
Others would mark Fall, full of its own joy. And even Krampus would eat candy corn and mark the day of Krispy Kreme's coming out with pumpkin spice doughnuts, but Christmas was the matter on his mind. Lists to keep up with; lists of children to beat and children to eat. It was all very important to keep straight. Strand lights to be checked and recheck. Switches needed to be cut. One would be exhausted with worry if not starting very early.
***
Great claws turned over a tasty shank and pulled off a forgotten sneaker with a yank. The monster was cooking up a mouthwatering stew with an ill behaved eight year old or two. He threw them in cloths and all, merrily chuckling when they started to bawl. Then Krampus tossed in onions and kale; tasting the soup to the last of the wails. Finally done Krampus thought, boiled up kids sure hit the spot.
T'was a special feast for Leif Erickson's day! Though Krampus was Germanic, he feasted anyway. Odin was a friend, from long ago; he hadn't seen him lately; why he didn't know. He dressed up a Viking to pillaged neighborhood trash finally coming home sticky itching with a rash.
T'was a special feast for Leif Erickson's day! Though Krampus was Germanic, he feasted anyway. Odin was a friend, from long ago; he hadn't seen him lately; why he didn't know. He dressed up a Viking to pillaged neighborhood trash finally coming home sticky itching with a rash.
After the rampage streets were upended, trash cans dumped over flattened and bended. The monster howled and roared through the night, waking toddlers to no parents delight. If anything it was a warning, a reminder he prowled. More children awoke crying each time he howled. Perhaps they'd be better knowing he was about, so again he roared with a beastly shout.
Around houses were bad kids dwelled he looked for a tree. Lifting his leg like a dog and left a pee. It smelled of brimstone oh very foul; heading off to the next house with a satisfied growl. On some houses claws carved little runes, festive Viking warnings Christmas was coming soon. This year it would bring something dark, Krampus chuckled after leaving his mark.
***
The blood moon found our beast hunting about the streets alone. Not Christmas, he couldn't touch kids still he hungered for meat and bone. He tried for cats but they had claws and were too quick for his paws. Raccoons were tasty but far too sly, he was about to give up when an opossum caught his eye. The critter was ugly and mean, and the possum too.
These pouched rodents were a little dumb and Krampus felt and idea starting to come. He got some cat food and rigged a trap then waited for the vermin taking a little nap. Hours later bang came from the box, reaching in he found a fat kid crying in shock. Krampus pulled him up eye to eye, snarling as the kid continued to cry. "What’s your name child, be quick don't lie" "Paul Pickle" he stammered dropping his eyes. Krampus remembered him from the goodie list. Krampus couldn't take a nibble. Now he was really pissed! Krampus sent him on his way warning to avoid the snares. If fatty got home it wasn't one of Krampus’ cares. He finally got a wood rat and a few crows. Not a bad stew as far as road kill goes.
The October moon still high and full Krampus stalked the streets mean and cruel. His sack still empty hunting for kids, the monster had really hit the skids. His belly was full for the moment but his kitchen bare; with no children about; not even one to scare.
Krampus silently prowled the park, a few hours after it turning dark; teens had taken over to smoke and worse, some said they listened to loud music and cursed. The monster targeted a small pack that smelled of cloves and dressed in black. Their music Krampus didn't enjoy but it kept a beat as he grabbed a boy. He broke his arm with a twist, then mauling another with his fist.
The rest ran with terror filled eyes, Krampus measured his victims for proper size. One was fine the other too small; Krampus tossed him back in a broken ball. One would have to do for tonight, maybe with some seasoning he would taste alright.
Krampus kept the meat in the cellar, salted and cured to keep through the winter. His pantry still unfilled but Krampus didn't fret, it would soon be Christmas and plenty of bad kids he bet. He'd take some candy around Halloween it wouldn't matter if he was seen. Kids would think it a costume until he snatched their bags; the monster devoured the treats leaving only rags. Pillow cases torn, crying kids marked his path. Parents outraged in Hallows eve aftermath.
If things were really bleak Krampus dug for hot dogs in convenience store trash. They were awful tasting and had a stinking reek, but tasted a little better coated in ash. Krampus would worry later the night now done; he snacked on a foot wrapped in a bun.
***
Late in October when much was in hand, Krampus relieved as it was going as planned; he took time to enjoy the autumn. A sea of leave caught in the air, whipping and whirling dancing without care. Lawns left patchwork blanketed; some carefully raked and made nakeded.
The kids confused Krampus all dressed like someone else, pirates or plumbers or even Celts. Then demanding treats wherever they go, lord help you if you dare say no. One night Krampus saw a little girl dressed like him, she had the horns and hoof but was much too slim. The beast ran away at the doppelgangers sight; imagine a little girl giving a monster such a fright.
But Krampus had more pressing matters at hand, a party to attend he was a friend of the band. The monster even dressed up in his little lederhosen, them far too tight. The monster though a costume was needed for the night.
But upon arriving he found most his friends dressed as monsters or ghouls. There were too man mummies and a skeleton with wired shut eyes and jaws. Another had no face at all; it was the strangest bunch of monsters you ever saw. I looked the scenes from all the shirts brought together for a heavy metal concert.
Krampus finally took a seat in the corner near his friend Ed. He was dress in a straightjacket bolts holding down the top of his head. He said Hi and passed the furry Krampus some wine, He even mulled it which suited just fine. They all knew Krampus was a monster of Christmas, even though that seems awfully strange. Sure he played Santa's strong arm and was fond of causing bodily harm, but he loved Christmas all the same.
A Love that left Krampus feeling out of place, even amongst the fun. To their roaring electric mayhem of music Krampus thought of merry little carols and started to hum. For the candy He thought of cookies and asked the barman for eggnog and rum. His friends had had enough of him when he arranged the skeletons into a nativity and wondered why they asked Krampus to come.
Krampus stayed a few hours and would have stayed more, but found himself always inching his way to the door. The party didn't notice Krampus steal away I'm not sure they cared he left anyway. The monster was one too many some had thought, they would see him at Christmas his presence would be sought.
Krampus himself walked deep in Halloween night. After a while of being alone he started to feel alright. He was happy for the moon, leading him home all pink and bright. The monster pasted other monster haunting all the streets. Many masked from Woolworth other with wholes cut in sheets. These old kids stayed out late prowling for fun, most gave Krampus distance but a few would flat out run.
He wandered not aware where he was going and ends; coming face to face with the sun after turning a dark bend. It was a new day, but one of the dead. New sights and smells filled the monsters head. The monster wandered the small run down shops, a barber and a Baker all painted pink even the sign “Stop”! Krampus looked at the little Catrina's and sugary skulls for the dead. A skull faced server gave kids some swaddled baby bread.
Krampus tucked himself away the crept back toward home. He wasn't the right sort of monster and shouldn’t be caught alone. Krampus worried El Cucuy was around, if there is one monster then two isn't as crazy as it sounds. The two argued every time they met, about turf is my guess.
The hoof and paw finally pattered back to home, crawling back to bed tired to his bones. He slept through most of the next and following days. Too much drinking even for a monster doesn't pay. When he awoke he felt behind again and hurried rush rush rush. But he did everything silently quieting the dog hush hush hush.
***
Some garland the halls when they toss up the tree, others might give a week to adding the house with holiday glee. Krampus really got started on the day of the dead all full of mole and sweet bread. The beast rented a huge storage locker, filled to the gills with ornaments, what a shocker?
Krampus had different styles and themes loading his shelves, even Japanese knee hugging elves. He could put on a sixties lounge Christmas with glitz and flair, even a sad little forties Christmas when war was in the air.
The monster had Sears wish book from every year, yes he had Montgomery Wards and Penny's you needn't fear. Some had toys circled, he would have liked as a lad; but Krampus never got presents he was Always bad.
Our monster decked his dog house with festive delight, rolling out the holly and electric lights. There was a star and an arrow, gold links garlanded around the tiny house. He even forced Christmas sweaters on a very frightened mouse.
His manger was set with more Caganers than two; all trying discreetly to take a Christmas poo. One looked like john Lennon another like Peggy lee. He searched without luck for one taking a wee.
Krampus hung wooden ravens all along the door. They were a Christmas tradition from Alaska's chilly shore. Some he carved with his wicked Krampus claws; others were bought online. It was all within the law. Raven represented Jesus to the Tlingit people up north. Through virgin birth Raven stole the sun and for the people brought if forth.
Some would laugh at his metal treetop though hipsters would think it cool. Krampus didn't care, just another way he enjoyed the Yule.
His manger was set with more Caganers than two; all trying discreetly to take a Christmas poo. One looked like john Lennon another like Peggy lee. He searched without luck for one taking a wee.
Krampus hung wooden ravens all along the door. They were a Christmas tradition from Alaska's chilly shore. Some he carved with his wicked Krampus claws; others were bought online. It was all within the law. Raven represented Jesus to the Tlingit people up north. Through virgin birth Raven stole the sun and for the people brought if forth.
Some would laugh at his metal treetop though hipsters would think it cool. Krampus didn't care, just another way he enjoyed the Yule.
Krampus remembered a house on the street Seal, decorated everywhere with Christmas Zeal. Christmas filled every little nook, if you wanted tips these folks wrote the book. You couldn't see it all in an evening or season, Christmas spilled out every room no rhyme or reason.
The little couple that lived there decked the halls every year, from the fifties until now without fear. They started even before the old beast, so grandkids saw when they came from back east. There was a tree that magically seemed to snow and a second in the back on the patio. There were so many ornaments extra branches were hung on the walls and more like a sea of stars on the ceiling in the hall.
Some years they turned the garage into a scene, removing the door and making a window of Plexiglas and beams. The little lord Jesus slept in a bed a pump for his breathing a drive stirring his head. All the neighbors would come to see, when Krampus showed up they all turned to flee. The monster just smiled on the couple’s work, thinking next time to hide and lurk.
Krampus had watched the couple’s house fill and fill every year until kids were about to spill. Most years the traditions remained the same, though some were already pretty strange. Chop Suey was served for a special treat, odd for a Mexican Irish family to like to eat. One son often cooked eggs pickled in beets; most would have preferred to lick feet.
Krampus would be sad when they were gone, then only a lesser Christmas could be drawn. He would be sad for the Kids who wouldn't get to see. Christmas everywhere; even a Crystal tree. Boys would wonder over a hot wheel covered twig draped with lights, two feet big. For the girls one decked in dolls and merriness everywhere though the halls.
If the monster could save some in his mind maybe it wouldn't be lost ever in time. The beast wished he could save some Christmases that were oh so grand, not to have traditions pass from the land. To someone in the family they may pass the flame but to Krampus taste it would be tame. They would take a tradition or two the rest passing away to the beasts rue.
Krampus remembered too many holidays long forgot, none would be remembered and put at the soul of the plot. The monster turned them over in mind, when filled with longing from time to time. Still some new ideas weren't so dark, except for that horrid peppermint bark. Perhaps the couple’s kids would have a grand thought and the spirit of Christmas again would be caught. Krampus felt a ray of hope. Maybe with the loss of the little couple he could cope.
***
Mid November some start playing Christmas tunes, but Krampus had been playing them since June. He had vinyl and Cd's and an iPod loaded full of his favorite Christmas songs. Playing carols so early wasn't right but he was happy being wrong.
Late nights he prowled record shops disguised in a hat and giant coat. Luckily the customers looked mostly the same and even smelled a little of goat. He snapped up Christmas records from country to jazz. He even bought “A Progressive Rock Christmas” with Greg Lake and Patrick Moraz. He bought more Bing Crosby than anyone shout have. He was together for Christmas with the Muppets and Henry Deutchendorf. Krampus almost got A Hanson Christmas but a girl made a quick grab.
Late nights he prowled record shops disguised in a hat and giant coat. Luckily the customers looked mostly the same and even smelled a little of goat. He snapped up Christmas records from country to jazz. He even bought “A Progressive Rock Christmas” with Greg Lake and Patrick Moraz. He bought more Bing Crosby than anyone shout have. He was together for Christmas with the Muppets and Henry Deutchendorf. Krampus almost got A Hanson Christmas but a girl made a quick grab.
Krampus enjoyed the Siberian metal Christmas and wished he could attend the show, but to that Fresh Aire Christmas flatly said no. He was left lukewarm with saxophone Christmas by Kenny G. The monster had no use for Bocelli. The new sung Christmas records kept less than they missed.
A Vince Guaraldi Christmas really put the beast in a Christmas mood. To such pleasant jazzy sounds the monster couldn't menace or brood. Some Canadian had a song about a winters night, that Krampus felt really got the tidings right. He liked a song The Greedies had made. He even liked one that talked about being Slade.
Riding home the station played Christmas too, Oakridge Boys Christmas from 1982. Listening to the music he basked in peace, but soon he would be down to business so he switched on number of the beast.
A Vince Guaraldi Christmas really put the beast in a Christmas mood. To such pleasant jazzy sounds the monster couldn't menace or brood. Some Canadian had a song about a winters night, that Krampus felt really got the tidings right. He liked a song The Greedies had made. He even liked one that talked about being Slade.
Riding home the station played Christmas too, Oakridge Boys Christmas from 1982. Listening to the music he basked in peace, but soon he would be down to business so he switched on number of the beast.
***
Krampus had a bird on thanksgiving, of which he kept three. The monster wasn't sure if he was Republican or Democrat or even Canadian you see. But on all he flame broiled a nicely stuffed Tom; Eating it right there with the dog on the lawn. Krampus wasn't too formal with the feast. A ping pong table in the back yard was fine for the beast.
Krampus gathered pumpkins after Halloween half smashed on the road. He left them rotting on his window sill until they were three weeks too old; from them baking thanksgiving pie, with homemade crust that drew many flies.
Yams were hand smashed and candied golden brown, soaked in syrup so sweet it was hard to get down. Scallop corn and stuffing rounded out the meal, it was so heavy anyone else would be sick, but Krampus heaped on seconds and thirds with a happy squeal.
Who knows what part kids played in the feast, he may have ground their bones to make the biscuit yeast. There was some doubt as it was before the season, but Krampus knew a butcher with meats for every reason.
Krampus gathered pumpkins after Halloween half smashed on the road. He left them rotting on his window sill until they were three weeks too old; from them baking thanksgiving pie, with homemade crust that drew many flies.
Yams were hand smashed and candied golden brown, soaked in syrup so sweet it was hard to get down. Scallop corn and stuffing rounded out the meal, it was so heavy anyone else would be sick, but Krampus heaped on seconds and thirds with a happy squeal.
Who knows what part kids played in the feast, he may have ground their bones to make the biscuit yeast. There was some doubt as it was before the season, but Krampus knew a butcher with meats for every reason.
The days of the feasts he caught a little nap. Then waited by the mall and set a little trap. Black Friday shoppers tasted the best; full of thanksgiving dinners from their toes to their chest. They thought of sales, not their kids. They wouldn't mind just a nibble; so he waited and hid.
***
Idunn watched and listened, again from her window, down on the neighbor’s yard. In the morning the monster began hurrying about a table. She heard Krampus mumbled "it's going to be a warm day", but still the sky was grey. He hurried and worried with a feast fit for several kings and queens, a baron and few veterans to dine.
There was a bird or rather many, Idunn guested twenty but really only thirty. The beast was turning them into a feast, a roast of birds of time gone bye. Krampus would laugh at a turduken that was only three; he made his tenfold bigger you see. He had an ostrich, an emu, emperor penguin on down the line a pigeon a blue jay with a humming bird finally stuffed it would taste just fine. The sides were corn and potatoes, stuffing, candied yams and cranberries. He had great grandma's chocolate and pumpkin pies. Idunn wondered where he got the recipe, grandma kept a secret card, but the monster's smelled the same cooling on the table in the yard.
Idunn's parents called her it was time to go. On the drive she wondered and wondered who Krampus cooked for, she wondered and wished she could know. But she saw a long haired man with a guitar hop the fence when she got her coat. One lock of hair was white the rest blandly brown, he dressed like the conductor of a jazz combo. He had some trouble with the fence but Krampus helped him down. Her parents hurried her along but she hoped to be home in time to hear a song.
There was a bird or rather many, Idunn guested twenty but really only thirty. The beast was turning them into a feast, a roast of birds of time gone bye. Krampus would laugh at a turduken that was only three; he made his tenfold bigger you see. He had an ostrich, an emu, emperor penguin on down the line a pigeon a blue jay with a humming bird finally stuffed it would taste just fine. The sides were corn and potatoes, stuffing, candied yams and cranberries. He had great grandma's chocolate and pumpkin pies. Idunn wondered where he got the recipe, grandma kept a secret card, but the monster's smelled the same cooling on the table in the yard.
Idunn's parents called her it was time to go. On the drive she wondered and wondered who Krampus cooked for, she wondered and wished she could know. But she saw a long haired man with a guitar hop the fence when she got her coat. One lock of hair was white the rest blandly brown, he dressed like the conductor of a jazz combo. He had some trouble with the fence but Krampus helped him down. Her parents hurried her along but she hoped to be home in time to hear a song.
The little girl came home to music ringing over the fence from the neighbor’s backyard. Singing and ringing out songs of Christmas under a veil of stars. One wore a tuxedo and one was a bum. The Longhair and gentile man playing guitar the other singing and drinking rum. Haggard and ragged the hobo's voice burned warm and sweet, of bars and lamp lights and drinks coming for free. Idunn listened long past her bedtime hidden under her bed. Sleeping, dreaming of bums and sugar plumbs swimming in her head.
Ancient rhymes sung of olden times with Krampus humming along. Sang and swelled from the backyard the whole night long. These miscreants of Christmas didn't care the hour was late. They didn't even pause when the Trash Men were banging on the gate. The concert was for Krampus sole and alone. He cloistered in the safety of his backyard home. Krampus's little doghouse was draped with lights that danced with the songs. He would have liked more but too many plugs in an outlet plainly wrong.
Idunn in her sleep dreamed of dancing with Santa and riding Krampus back. The little girl didn't know the monster would have preferred her for a snack. She thought him a furry friend and didn't think of teeth that rend. The monster would have been wary if he knew of the little girls plans, He was a connoisseur of kids but otherwise not a fan.
The pair finally finished the last tune, and then scurried off in the light of the moon. A bus took the guitarist to the next stop on his tour, what happened to the bum really I'm not sure. But there are many bars and local dives not too far a five minute drive.
Krampus tucked into sleep snuggled up in a sheet, but with all his fur there was plenty of heat. The monster dreamed deep of not beating kids. He just wanted a pretty witch with whom he could live. Nothing fancy just quiet and alone, a cabin in the woods they'd call home. If the monster dreamed other things I wouldn't know, I was kept up by the musical show. Krampus was up before dawn the next few days. Still decorating his dog house, he entered a contest that paid.
***
With watching Krampus for so long Idunn had grown brave and strong. One day she decided to march down, look the monster in the eye, extend a hand and say hi. When she did Krampus was confused, Kids should be scared of him, not amused. At first he huffed then finally he said hello. Being nice as a monster could through really he wished she'd go.
Idunn introduced herself by name waiting politely for the beast to do the same. When Krampus finally did it was curt. Idunn not being afraid, the monster was really hurt. But she kept at him with a smile and the innocence of a child.
Christmas lights glowed around the eaves, with Krampus making small talk hoping the girl would leave. She had been good and the beast couldn't eat her. Santa wouldn't allow it of that Krampus was sure.
Idunn introduced herself by name waiting politely for the beast to do the same. When Krampus finally did it was curt. Idunn not being afraid, the monster was really hurt. But she kept at him with a smile and the innocence of a child.
Christmas lights glowed around the eaves, with Krampus making small talk hoping the girl would leave. She had been good and the beast couldn't eat her. Santa wouldn't allow it of that Krampus was sure.
As a monster, Krampus didn't do small talk. He wasn't a sneak nor was he sly; to him truth was given never a lie. When he spoke he was hard and forceful yet Idunn didn't cry. This girl was not scared and Krampus wanted to know why. What did she want? The beast still hoped she'd leave! When she said to be friend Krampus gave her a reprieve. I'm a monster he said with a growl. And if your bad I'll eat you, beat you, you'll howl. But Idunn stood her ground and still holding out her hand without a sound.
Silent and stoic Krampus finally took the little girls hand. The beast asked "why aren't you afraid. Like any little girl would?" Idunn thought a moment "I can pretend; do you think I should?" Krampus snarled disgusted at himself. "She thinks I'm funny silly like an elf!" The girl told of her watching so many months, even of following his little hunts. How after time the monster was a matter of fact, she even accused the kid eating was just an act.
"No" the beast roared, I'd eat you if allowed. Krampus monstered and menaced and furled his brow. Idunn just laughed and hugged a hairy leg. "How did a monster scare this girl? Did he have to beg?" She was unrelenting and determined; wouldn't bend. Krampus finally was forced to let her be his friend.
Idunn chattered at Krampus through the fence, the big brute taking each word with a wince. How did he end up with a kid wanting to be a friend? If Nick heard of it the torment would never end. He was a monster! No The Monster of the merry Yule! Now this child played him for the fool.
He only took interest when she mentioned her teacher was Ms. Deroon and how for Halloween she had her mom make a Krampus costume. Flattered the beast finally blushed; a little ashamed he wished the child hushed.
He listened intently when she spoke of getting a tree, maybe he could scare here off then he would have to try and see. The morning went on much the same; to her words he nodded his mane. Krampus hoped to end the talk it was driving him insane.
***
Rows of pines looked down from the hills upon the town. Grown and regrown to be freshly cut, owners tending cash in a candy cane covered hut. Hay rides filled with families looking for trees, an unlucky father picked one with a hive of bees. For everyone had a saw in hand, stalking for the perfect tree across the land.
Krampus hid until the growing dark, crouched under junk hidden with a tarp. Creeping out around dusk after sharpening a tusk, he prowled for kids. Parents worried of pines and spruce. They wouldn't mind a few bite marks on little Bruce. Struggling with a roof rack and a fir; they wouldn't miss couple girls.
Only hoof and paw tracks would mark Krampus there, he would have a snack without a care. Leaving only sad confused parents at the scene, crying over what could have been. In the evening, he spied little Idunn from the light of the moon. Her parents didn't see the monster creep. Krampus would scare them so bad they would lose sleep. Then this girl wouldn't hope to be his friend, for the monster a happy end.
The beast leaped from behind a tree, mom and daddy lost a little pee. Their terror rapping them like a rug, but Idunn gave the monster a giant hug. Krampus himself ran off in fright. He was to instill in kids horror not delight.
The brute howled in sorrow joined by the local dogs. Sad and dejected Krampus needed a kid to flog. He needed someone to be scared because of him. A hug for this monster was far too grim.
From the hills Krampus stumbled down the slopes, sadly, madly deprived of his hopes. No houses or kids this far from town, the beast was really feeling down. Then at last he arrived where the sidewalk began, children took one look at Krampus; shrieked and ran.
Feeling a tad better the monster gave chase, lashing a teen directly in the face. Krampus kicked him as he went down, happily cackling with no sort of frown. The terror that night is legend to this day, though only an urban legend the foolish unbelievers will say. I can assure you though I still have the scars, Krampus branded me with a red hot iron bar. The night went and Krampus slept sound in the backyard though many houses lay burned and charred. Him he was happy; again the raging beast, even Gamera couldn't challenge him being so far back east.
***
Krampus crept and slid out of his yard, a swift hulking shadow stopping only to open the gate that was barred. Silent as Santa but twice as grim he moved as a monster three times as slim. Down the street; well away from lights and finally stealing away into the night.
His bag was filled full with a big bundle of sticks. He would leave them on ill-mannered kid's door steps so their parents could give them a few licks. He festooned switches with candy and little toys to soften the blow. But the message was clear for any kid to know. A Christmasy warning to mend their way or else he would visit the night before Christmas day.
Krampus was the strong hand to Santa merry laugh. He would give out coal or whippings to kids on the wrong side of the list. Sometimes he could eat ones that really made Santa pissed. But Krampusnacht was for warnings and mild mischief. He seemed to know those who didn't keep Christmas well; it was sort of a gift.
A few streets over the Barries were the sort and a house without lights and deserved some sort of retort. The old man was lazy but the kids and family were pretty good. So Krampus decorated their house himself, the brightest in the neighborhood. They even won a lights and display contest. Krampus had done his very best, hoping the Barries would decorate next year and the rest.
The monster was very busy the rest of the time, beating on bad children's windows to set them right, rounding up gangs of drunks to wassail through the night. Lone left out teens were hired to help in the work. They were dressed up like Krampus and told to harass shopper at the malls. Even whip and grab maids if they had the balls. Christmas was for adolescent punks Christmas was always meant for all!
Toward the end of the night, Krampus came upon a house that wasn't on his list. Not good not bad how were they missed. Krampus left alone those who kept other ways, only Christmas was his. But the house had a tree so he peered in wondering who it could be.
His bag was filled full with a big bundle of sticks. He would leave them on ill-mannered kid's door steps so their parents could give them a few licks. He festooned switches with candy and little toys to soften the blow. But the message was clear for any kid to know. A Christmasy warning to mend their way or else he would visit the night before Christmas day.
Krampus was the strong hand to Santa merry laugh. He would give out coal or whippings to kids on the wrong side of the list. Sometimes he could eat ones that really made Santa pissed. But Krampusnacht was for warnings and mild mischief. He seemed to know those who didn't keep Christmas well; it was sort of a gift.
A few streets over the Barries were the sort and a house without lights and deserved some sort of retort. The old man was lazy but the kids and family were pretty good. So Krampus decorated their house himself, the brightest in the neighborhood. They even won a lights and display contest. Krampus had done his very best, hoping the Barries would decorate next year and the rest.
The monster was very busy the rest of the time, beating on bad children's windows to set them right, rounding up gangs of drunks to wassail through the night. Lone left out teens were hired to help in the work. They were dressed up like Krampus and told to harass shopper at the malls. Even whip and grab maids if they had the balls. Christmas was for adolescent punks Christmas was always meant for all!
Toward the end of the night, Krampus came upon a house that wasn't on his list. Not good not bad how were they missed. Krampus left alone those who kept other ways, only Christmas was his. But the house had a tree so he peered in wondering who it could be.
Looking at the Lights and tree, Krampus noticed and remembered as he looked at the family. On the children he hadn’t even laid an eye but the parents he had seen days long gone by. He last saw them as teenagers but he visited them as tots. Their families kept Christmas but here they did not? But why the tree and presents had there been a mistake? He would have to talk to Santa to see what he could make.
It had taken three buses and some walking to get to the Mall. Then Krampus waited and waited for Santa hiding in an employee bathroom stall. Sometime after close he heard a grim groan and Santa took the stall next to Krampus for his own. With a few bangs and a knock the monster gave Santa quite a shock. With quiet and whispers Krampus told the tale. Santa was silent then promised to look into it without fail. With this Krampus was away, he was lucky the real Santa was in this mall; today!
Krampus walk home hungry and confused and mad and angry. And it drizzled looking any minute to rain, and the hole in his sneaker was a pain. He walked on mumbling with stomach grumbling, peering in windows for bad children to eat or even a little spoiled meat.
Some streets were sad and shabby and the people weren't Christmasy but rather crabby. Christmas wasn't always fair where money wasn't in the air. The monster caught a bus scaring off all the people and making a wild fuss. Making his way to the side of town where the kids and wallets were plumply filled.
Around the houses Krampus crept like a cat but none of the bad kids were big boned or fat. Only grisly spoiled brats chauffeured from soccer, piano and tennis. The only porker was kind and jolly, a delightful little fatso named Pauly. Krampus would have to make do with a scrawny back talking bastard or two.
Down the chimney no not his style he kicked in the door with a smile. He told the parents what he was about and usually they handed the truants over without a shout. This time was different this time was fun; dad fought with Krampus and told the kids to run. It was odd pops had such moral fiber when the kids had none. Krampus ran off from the fight, laughing and cackling into the night. Children were good but sausage was too and Harry's Hofbrau was open almost until two.
Around the houses Krampus crept like a cat but none of the bad kids were big boned or fat. Only grisly spoiled brats chauffeured from soccer, piano and tennis. The only porker was kind and jolly, a delightful little fatso named Pauly. Krampus would have to make do with a scrawny back talking bastard or two.
Down the chimney no not his style he kicked in the door with a smile. He told the parents what he was about and usually they handed the truants over without a shout. This time was different this time was fun; dad fought with Krampus and told the kids to run. It was odd pops had such moral fiber when the kids had none. Krampus ran off from the fight, laughing and cackling into the night. Children were good but sausage was too and Harry's Hofbrau was open almost until two.
***
After his rounds to the bad kids of the town, our monster needed a drink. Down the corner hid the lowest of dives all dark and full of beery stinks. But it was warm and full and merry, so Krampus ordered himself twelve Tom and Jerry's. He slowly got plastered the rest of the night. There was singing of ancient rhymes and childlike delight, rumming and drumming til the monsters head was a'humming. Then one last call ended it all.
They spilled upon the street couples and gangs and some singles lonely with heartbroken pangs. Krampus was leaving when he heard words spoken hard and desperate. Down a dark alley a date ended poorly. The girls No's changed the monsters mood sorely. With a bound Krampus sprang to see what was the matter. A man meager like a mouse grabbed and pawed at a scared woman's blouse. Krampus now was mad, angry, pissed off, full of fury, he was perturbed. High on Christmas vengeance he made the man bite the curb. Then a swishy switching along with screaming was heard. Once twice the whipping was strong and even like the tide. The villain wouldn't be sitting after the tanning of his hide.
Long after the beating he left with the lady, clinging to his arm. She laughed and was happy despite herself from Krampus's charm. Leaving her at her doorstep but asked to call again, nothing serious just to check on his new friend.
They spilled upon the street couples and gangs and some singles lonely with heartbroken pangs. Krampus was leaving when he heard words spoken hard and desperate. Down a dark alley a date ended poorly. The girls No's changed the monsters mood sorely. With a bound Krampus sprang to see what was the matter. A man meager like a mouse grabbed and pawed at a scared woman's blouse. Krampus now was mad, angry, pissed off, full of fury, he was perturbed. High on Christmas vengeance he made the man bite the curb. Then a swishy switching along with screaming was heard. Once twice the whipping was strong and even like the tide. The villain wouldn't be sitting after the tanning of his hide.
Long after the beating he left with the lady, clinging to his arm. She laughed and was happy despite herself from Krampus's charm. Leaving her at her doorstep but asked to call again, nothing serious just to check on his new friend.
***
On some nights Krampus just watched TV by the fire at home. Though usually a fire he set and the house not his own. Our monster wasn't above arson to watch a favorite show and they only play A Christmas Story a few times you know.
Krampus was happy for Whoville when good turned the Grinch. He thought the sad little tree would do in a pinch. The monster chimed along so angels got their wings. He even watched a Cailliou Christmas though he hated the thing.
With a fire still blazing the cops came around ringing out their sirens a terrible sound. Krampus lingered a little long, a copper banged him on the head with a Billy club knocking him out with a KABONG.
The cops led Krampus through the station thinking him a bum. He would remember this for coal in the stocking each and every one. Once Santa chained the Krampus but shackles wouldn't work. The monster tore them apart with the smallest little jerk. All the papers filed they led him to a cell, it was wet and cold and he didn't like the smell. But in Krampus went and didn't even yell.
Some hours later Krampus ripped off the door, being quiet as he could; listening for the Sargent’s snore. Krampus crept out on a soft padded foot; but sometimes with a cloppy clop coming from his hoof. His jail break was a success no thanks to old fat Saint Nick. He may have been his partner but sometimes he was a prick. Krampus worked home sneaking all the way, Get back to his little house a few hours before light of day.
Some hours later Krampus ripped off the door, being quiet as he could; listening for the Sargent’s snore. Krampus crept out on a soft padded foot; but sometimes with a cloppy clop coming from his hoof. His jail break was a success no thanks to old fat Saint Nick. He may have been his partner but sometimes he was a prick. Krampus worked home sneaking all the way, Get back to his little house a few hours before light of day.
***
Krampus broke down the door, storming into the room; throwing over a table which landed with a boom! Some kids fled in terror others shrieked in fright. It was only Idunn who squealed in delight. He gave only a glance bounding toward Miss Deroon. He hefted her up and sprang from the room. To the window tearing up the sash, it exploded with a crash.
Miss Teacher had been bad and Krampus had the cure. It was a punishment she would enjoy, of that be sure. It wasn't the date she envisioned after Krampus saved her at the bar, but it was one she liked more by far.
Miss Teacher had been bad and Krampus had the cure. It was a punishment she would enjoy, of that be sure. It wasn't the date she envisioned after Krampus saved her at the bar, but it was one she liked more by far.
The teacher rolled over throwing an arm over the brute; it was a wild night there was to be no refute! Miss Deroon stroked Krampus's furry chest, her night with the savage monster had been her best. Clothes cast about the room or torn into shreds, she wondered if she'd need a new bed. She happily laughed with Krampus stroking her hair in his paws. For a monster he was gentle never scratching her with his wicked claws.
Krampus tongue drooped out as it often did; she enjoyed this too under the covers where they hid. Then the beast fried up eggs; breakfast was important to start the day. With a hug and kiss they each were on their way.
***
The incident with the tree didn't go as Krampus hoped. He just couldn't scare this girl, away he moped. Where did this one get off being so brave, it was an insult the monster would take to his grave. One little girl that liked the brute, now stuck with a friendship he couldn't refute.
Now instead of talking through she hopped over the fence; looking the beast eye to eye without even a wince. She even helped hang the little lights. A kid helping Krampus; boy Santa would laugh at the sight. She liked Christmas too it’s something all kids do, but Idunn loved it like the beast. Not only presents but the lights, tree, and feast. She loved her family coming from near and far, even the uncle that lived at the bar. She even have an eye for decking the halls, also she brought Krampus Christmas cheese balls. After being filled with treats Krampus didn't much mind this kid he couldn't eat. She even had a good backhand with the whip, good follow through and a solid grip.
After a few visits and some time, Krampus actually started not to mind. Idunn helped and the beast had plenty to do. He needed many more switches and a cane or two. Without the girls help the work might never get through.
She even figured out what the record player was all about. Idunn was too young and her parents didn't care for vinyl. They hated those horrid hipsters that much is final. But the girl treated the monsters records with a ginger hand, and thought his choice in music was perfectly grand. Sometimes they even sang together changing the words, something about the bat mobile losing wheels I've heard.
When Krampus asked Idunn if she sent a list to Saint Nick; she decided she would just give it to Krampus it would be more quick. She even asked if he could come down the chimney instead and eat up cookies whilst she slept in bed. The idea was so sweet the monster started to blush, but being a big monster he was much too plush.
And so the Beast, Krampus, had made a friend. This being rare for a monster he was loyal to the end. He told Idunn of old Christmases untold; bring the girl into Yule tides exclusive fold. Krampus documented the long history of lights around the house, from Edison to general electric on through Westinghouse. Illuminating his secrets for decking the bows, giving her all the whys and how’s.
The monster even gave Idunn copies from his cooking book; though some called for awful ingredients it’s best not to look. Idunn passed along to mommy those more plain. Her mommy tried a few but her efforts were in vain.
Krampus even once gave the girl a hug. He was stiff and awkward squishing Idunn like a pug. But she laughed and didn't once cry. Krampus teared up a little but said he had something in his eye.
***
With all the caroling and shopping Krampus paid a visit to the mall. A lone monster was too few for the task, so he gathered young men and for each a mask. Furry suits, chains, a bell. He thought his army of Kampusse looked just swell. They stormed the Spencer's and Orange Julius stores, spanking all the maidens dress up like whores. Young kids were mostly spared but if they weren't the parents wouldn't have cared. In line for Santa they were mostly brats and deserved a few swings from the Krampusse's bats. When security came Krampus gave a call and the shaggy gang fled the mall. Fleeing Krampus spied Idunn in line, waiting for Santa her parents glowering from behind. The little girl's smile lighted her parent’s gloom, Papa stepping between the beast and Idunn. Krampus smiled a fang filled grin knocking over a trash bin.
Her parents wondered and looked down at Idunn, catching a glimmer of her smile mommy started to swoon. She was about to asked how Idunn knew the brute, when the elves led her to Santa in his giant red suit. Claus asked what she would like and posed for a picture, offering a word to her parent to reign her in stricter. He gave Idunn a cane and hustled her away. Saying I'll see you again next week Christmas day. Glancing back as she left Santa gave her a wink. He knew Krampus too Idunn started to think.
Back to our gang of fury and fun, the Krampusse were on the run. With a furry fist Krampus laid a store greeter out, running off briskly when the shoppers started to shout. "Happy Holidays" you would have thought it a curse, but to Krampus no other christmasy greeting was worse. No Humbugs or Grinches hid within his heart only yuletide, kid eating, vengeance made happy with the holidays start. But these jolly merry Kwanzaas made his blood run cold.
Sure Krampus remember all the ancient traditions of old; he sometimes mistook Santa for Odin if truth be told. He remember time before it was called Christmas, the wintry Yule. Before he was reined in by Santa, Krampus was even more cruel! Now with Christmas his lot was cast even if all the Xmases had finally past.
The gang broke into the movie house interrupting the show. It was something about Pine tree Vermont hoping it was going to snow. The monstrous band lashed the crowd howling for their blood. Krampus himself mauled the Mayor he was known for graft and sling of the mud.
The Krampusse devoured the concession stand even if the popcorn sort of stale. Glass and candy was scattered on the floor. Everything gone, Krampus smiled contently upon the gore.
It was a gala night before the carnage came, now the rich of the splendid town lay broken and in pain. Krampus knew most were crooks and got what they deserved. He was happy for the Jolly backdrop on which his vengeance was served.
***
Krampus wasn't an elf nor good with his hands but Krampus helped charity in ways only he can. In big toy stores all filled with Christmas rush; Krampus encouraged shoppers donate or blood would gush. At Christmas “Toys for Tots” left out a bin, Krampus made sure each and every person tossed a couple of toys in. The monster didn't talk or say a word, just swished his switch lightly the message clearly heard. A couple of teenagers tried to sneak by they were unhurt mostly, just a blackened eye.
One night Idunn trotted up with an unwrapped toy, the monster cracked a little smile to the girls bounding joy. Her parents hurried off worried Krampus may eat her, but Idunn knew there was no reason to fear. The hulking brute had grown fond of the girl. Idunn and he would talk over the fence all hours of the night, and then she would climb through her window quick as a squirrel. Idunn leaving the beast for her soft warm bed; Krampus to his dog house that didn't cover his head. Idunn's parents wouldn't understand; if they knew these nightly visits would be banded.
The little girl gone, Krampus again enforced the rules. Krampus thought of charity important for the Yule. The store stood on the classy side of town; He didn't target the poor for this Christmas shake down. All had plenty to give or got the whip, funny how the richest usually ended with a fat lip.
Krampus looked over toys in the bin, somewhat ambivalent it was hard to read his grin. Too few gifts for the older boys and girl, Christmas wasn't easy for the older orphans of the world. No music players or big kid bikes, but plenty gift for the smallest of tike's. Krampus stalked about the isles, tossing toys into unsuspecting carts, and then instructing shoppers where to donate with a menacing smile. Shoppers complied in fear, buying music players or losing their ears. The monster ordered one suited man to buy up video games or face his wrath. He bought out the store earning the beasts approving Laugh.
Near close Krampus appraised the haul, smiling happily the bins filled all. He could go home his work complete, next year maybe he and Santa couple compete. Many kids would have a happy year, now it was time for Krampus to make the others tremble in fear.
***
The Ahwahnee hotel held a fine Christmas feast, and all the medieval merriment called to the beast. Krampus visited in the dark of night, knowing his monstrous site would cause a fright. He peered in through the windows cracking as sash, and dined on left overs and trash. He enjoyed the evening it was all so fun, but where was the terror. Of fear there was none.
The peacock pie had been served to all when Krampus stormed the hall. He battered the house keep and flattened th’ Lord of Misrule. All the fancy dinners would remember this Yule. He grabbed a banker and gave him the lash. Buggering his wife with a rod made of ash.
The peacock pie had been served to all when Krampus stormed the hall. He battered the house keep and flattened th’ Lord of Misrule. All the fancy dinners would remember this Yule. He grabbed a banker and gave him the lash. Buggering his wife with a rod made of ash.
Krampus tore at a tuba player and wrapped brass about him like a bow. The monster preferred guitar, this was a critique of the show. Pipers and players neither were spared, Flutes rammed down throats and up other places; you would have glared.
His hoof smashed tables shattering plates, if you love carnage you'd say it just great. Blows fell a bus boy like a tree; he was embezzling from the bar. Krampus's switch lashed the evil, them running near and far. The beast was on them with a bound; whips and cries a musical sound.
When all the nice banners lay broken and torn, Krampus flew away his welcome growing worn. Hooting and hollering a menacing "Grus vom Krampus" into the night!
When all the nice banners lay broken and torn, Krampus flew away his welcome growing worn. Hooting and hollering a menacing "Grus vom Krampus" into the night!
***
In the season Krampus loved to bake the worst inedible ill flavored sort of fruity cakes; delivering them to neighbors’ doorsteps with a wild toss. Some shattered across the lawn, but Krampus wouldn't mourn their loss. Cake broken windows were none of the monsters concern, same as last Christmas they should have learned. The cakes were hard and really not for eating, just a friendly seasons greeting. Krampus didn't shell nuts just left them as a surprise, He also added hot wheels you should see the kiddies eyes. In January the dentist fixed many hurt teeth, he sometime sent Krampus a thank you wreath.
Krampus cooked cookies though they tasted of frogs, no one eat them not even local dogs. His pumpkin bread was great that he didn't share. We only knew of those from the delicious smell in the air. The monster always had Figgie Pudding boiling. A molten surprise dumped on carolers, flame broiling. Krampus baked in coins despite the cost, a choking hazard several lives were lost.
Then came the mincemeat flavored pie, though it wasn't meat and Krampus wondered why. The beast added tripe to make it true to name, the few who ate it wondered who was to blame. The pies were horrid terrible foul; left on doorsteps when the Beast did prowl. Once had added candied apples to a church bake sale, they were infested with worms, also stale. In the caramel glaze they looked fine, but after a few bites kiddies retched and whined. Krampus watched from afar laughing to himself har har har!
His neighborhood baking was the talk of the town, spoken in hushed whispers with a grim frown. Few knew Krampus the beast lurked; they thought the food from a prankster jerk. Krampus toiled with none knowing his work.
Only Idunn watched him bake, Krampus in a hair net for cleanness sake. The girl and monster chatted through the fence, Krampus making cookies full of mince. They shared some of his pumpkin cakes; it was the only tasty dish of all he makes. His monstrous paw patting her little head, Krampus gave her his famed pumpkin bread. Her parents love it too; Mother covered it in butter eating two. To other houses Krampus deliver swill, no one was brave enough to eat there fill. The monsters food wasn't enjoyed, another Christmas sorrow for the girls and boys.
***
Sirens wailed as Krampus cackled through the night and the last of the cop cars disappearing from sight. The chase started and was over quick the monster on his motor bike along with Saint Nick. Claus loosed the Krampus on a kid from one of the malls. While visiting Santa he screamed and kicked him in the balls.
These were the nights Krampus loved his Christmas work. When Father Christmas wasn't being a goody goody jerk; the monster enjoyed being Santa's spite righteously beating kids all through the night. Krampus pondered a beast work well done with friendly violent fun.
Under the cloudy sky Krampus spied on the house from afar, Santa all the time hid in the motorcycle sidecar. The stockings were hung and they watch the fire crack merry, unaware they were being stalked by someone quit scary. A Cloven hoof kicked in the door; the police call it a modus operandi. The children shrieked dropping presents and candy. The monster grabbed the boy and looked at the mother somewhat randy. On orders Santa said not a mark, so Krampus beat the bastard with a bag of oranges and tan bark. After the child moaned in a pulp he looked up at the mom and she gave a loud gulp. The cop cars were her release, who knows what she would have done with the beast.
These were the nights Krampus loved his Christmas work. When Father Christmas wasn't being a goody goody jerk; the monster enjoyed being Santa's spite righteously beating kids all through the night. Krampus pondered a beast work well done with friendly violent fun.
Under the cloudy sky Krampus spied on the house from afar, Santa all the time hid in the motorcycle sidecar. The stockings were hung and they watch the fire crack merry, unaware they were being stalked by someone quit scary. A Cloven hoof kicked in the door; the police call it a modus operandi. The children shrieked dropping presents and candy. The monster grabbed the boy and looked at the mother somewhat randy. On orders Santa said not a mark, so Krampus beat the bastard with a bag of oranges and tan bark. After the child moaned in a pulp he looked up at the mom and she gave a loud gulp. The cop cars were her release, who knows what she would have done with the beast.
***
Tonight he made a special visit to a special house on his list; these kids and parents had Krampus fucking pissed. The monster hoped for some hint of redemption but expected to see none. He hunted through the trash for evidence, even more angry when he was done. Candle carousel angels picked out and thrown with the junk, peering in he saw the now unheavenly toy spinning on a trunk.
The tree was decked out as if nothing was ajar, except the top had no angel not even a star. Presents were nestled under the tree with care, in the hopes that the winter solstice would soon be there. Why even try to pretend through the Christmas Yule. Keeping one’s own rites was a reason he deeply respected the Jews. But here they mocked Christmas and said it was actually stolen from them, when in youth Santa brought them might man and monster and Spiro graph with colored pens.
Krampus watched not knowing what to do; he was going to take his time with his vengeance. It would be awhile until he was through. Krampus clawed at the windows menacing the kids, in terror looking outside, Krampus cast only a shadow monstrously whilst he hid. Later scrapping glass with hideous huge claws, children fled in horror waking parents to inform the law. The Beast disappeared for a moment; hoping their mad parents would do his work. But these were the sort that didn't spank bad children, you know the type, jerks.
The tree was decked out as if nothing was ajar, except the top had no angel not even a star. Presents were nestled under the tree with care, in the hopes that the winter solstice would soon be there. Why even try to pretend through the Christmas Yule. Keeping one’s own rites was a reason he deeply respected the Jews. But here they mocked Christmas and said it was actually stolen from them, when in youth Santa brought them might man and monster and Spiro graph with colored pens.
Krampus watched not knowing what to do; he was going to take his time with his vengeance. It would be awhile until he was through. Krampus clawed at the windows menacing the kids, in terror looking outside, Krampus cast only a shadow monstrously whilst he hid. Later scrapping glass with hideous huge claws, children fled in horror waking parents to inform the law. The Beast disappeared for a moment; hoping their mad parents would do his work. But these were the sort that didn't spank bad children, you know the type, jerks.
Well tucked in with water, told it was only dreams; Krampus smiled in their windows delighting in their screams. They made Dad check for prowlers all through the yard. Krampus left a present that Daddy stepped in runny not at all hard. Garden hose washing his foot proved to be a chore, He didn't notice our monster slipping in the door. The next morning the house was a mess, Krampus had out done himself but it was only a start I must confess. Stockings were filled with a gift know one liked, the monster had disassembled the kids new riding bikes. A pillow was left in the middle of the living room, out of place, slightly wet and giving off fumes. He places a fair angel at the top of the tree, topping off the water when he needed to take a wee. To the carousel Krampus returned the angels rescued from the trash. Finally leaving he threw open the door with a crash.
Even with lessons some folks don't learn, soon than later another visit was earned. Krampus again waited deep in the night, to catch the family in solstice eve’s delight. This time he took the chimney breaking it apart, then bursting in like Santa only evil and dark. The fire cracked with a bright Krampus plum then burning logs flew into the room.
Idunn watched from the sidecar of the cycle outside; using a few blankets to keep warm and hide. She laughed at the screams emitting from the home and the cracks and crunches of Krampus breaking their bones. She wasn't vicious or at all mean, but she rooted for Krampus she was part of his team. She didn't really understand what it was she saw, but cheered for the monster with a giant foam paw.
Krampus cackled grabbing the boy, taking a bite for his ear with pugilistic joy. Next he grabbed the girl caning her ass, this year she was a bitchy condescending young lass. Daddy was punched and knocked out his wind; Mommy took a switch right in the end. Their phone list at last Krampus took, to visit their friends according to the book. Lastly Krampus set up a manger then strolled out the door, after all it was the reason Christmas was for.
Again in the yard Krampus places a Christmas scene; with Jesus in nativity all glowing in saintly sheen. Mary and Joseph stood nearly four foot tall. Hand carved by Krampus not the crap you get at the mall. The beast was Bavarian and woodwork in his soul. Even Santa elves would be proud of his toil. Lights shone like a beacon calling onlookers there. To wonder at the jolly house and the Christmas in the air. He stole a donkey and a couple of merry pigs, corralling them in the yard quit impressive digs.
Idunn helped with the outside manger scene. Then she and Krampus road off after making sure they were not seen. Hopping on his bike and kick starting with a jerk, the neighbors would soon behold their work. Fleeing the scene the monster smiled proud tearing off with the motor running loud. Krampus made sure to get her back to her bed. Approving of her work with a pat on the head.
***
Krampus held a few managers in a hole for a few weeks. It was dark with spiders and long ago started to reek. The monster whipped them every few nights, those the only moments they saw light. In a meeting they decided no party for the Yule, the reason; the economy had been very cruel. Wisely giving themselves a raise for all the money they had saved. None thought of spending their own dime. The workers would understand, they would be fine. They denied a small Christmas thanks, a crime Krampus thought rank. This wasn't charity it was earned, Krampus's monstrous fury burned.
Our Beast heard of this rounded up the villains. Lashing entitled asses until blood was spilling. One soiled himself for which Krampus took a kidney, mailing it overnight to a dialysis patient in Sydney. Some nights the monster tide one to the rack, other time he beat one in a sack. But every night taking time to explain the cause and reason for their pains. Those who worked hard seldom received thanks, all while they moved up through the ranks. Their rise was on others backs; people with skill something all of them lacked. The beast told Christmas was already earned in the year. Why be loyal next one, he sounded in an ear. Krampus grabbed a fat one by the tie and decked him hard in the eye.
Every now and then Idunn came along, Krampus let her swing the whip but she wasn't very strong. Even the captives thought it was cute, a nice reprieve from the brute. She was too little to crank the rack, even to see she had to ride on Krampus back. The monster worried a little the girl may go bad, boy Santa would be really mad. But he was happy and didn't worry of lists and continued lancing the evil managers like a cyst.
Krampus always made sure Idunn was safely home, and then returned to his backyard to argue with the dog over a bone. The worst of his work he saved when the girl was away. That's when the beast really got to play. Breaking arms and cracking ribs; even forcing them to listen to music of the brothers Gibb.
He saved most scorn for one named Rajesh a petty tyrant who said his team thought he was the best. The bastard risked his neck for none always looking out for number one. He would never have thanked even when due, that piece of crap went into Krampus stew. The rest he released after much beating he even forced them to partake in manager stew eating. They ran home looking over a shoulder all the way, they did better at Christmas the rest of their days.
***
Krampus and Idunn wandered the park in wonder even though all was turned down and dark. Little scenes of Christmastide lay still, long past closing time. The beast looked on smiling at how with no people no peddlers it got Christmas right. In rain lights shined on the roadway all looking lonely in depth of night.
With the power on elves hammered out toys in a sweatshop for the good girls and boys. Reindeer trotted in a stable each in a stall in animatronic Christmas scenes once owned by the mall. Some new others old and dingy, they should be cleaned but the city was stingy.
Idunn happily squealed the about the virtues of every scene, the girl so happy Krampus smiled not the least bit mean. She shouldn't have been out this late, certainly not with a monster, but she thought it was great. He parents had taken her, at day to see the park, but now it had a new magic, with a monster, in the dark.
A forest of lighted trees decks by local rotary clubs; shined merrily lighting the way to local pubs. Hours later the sausage stand watered Krampus's maw. He found a few left over links in a can with trash and straws. Idunn said no when Krampus offered a bite, the beast wanted her to eat but she put up a fight.
Of all Idunn liked the little Noah's Ark, she said it was the best of the whole Christmas In the Park. The monster smiled remembering the traditions start. A gift from the cities mortician, the irony was not lost in Krampus's heart. Chilly air gust odd for a city of the bay, a drop of rain sent the pair on their way.
They left wind rushing through Krampus's hair, upon an old motorbike sidecar equipped for flair. Idunn huddled wrapped up with a giant helmet on top. She shouted with joy at Krampus with every stop. On through the houses alight with Christmas light bulbs shining against the night. He turned down unknown streets to see houses made up with zeal. Most streets had but a few but one street he stopped skidding with a squeal.
All the houses even the trees shined out blanketing the scene in weight. Like new fell snow drooping down every bough! When Idunn saw she gasped a great big wow! He rode slow mutedly looking on happy feeling great. This was a street to remember and check in on again. Then they rode off Krampus with his new found friend.
***
Krampus shoved up dog crap with Christmas glee, packaging each in a nicely wrapped bag you see. They tossed them down the chimney when Santa was mad, to add something special to tidings joyous and glad. A special touch the beast added to the holiday; Krampus's merry mark to a night gentle and gay. Hurry filled the frigid air it was the day before Christmas all was toil. The Krampus must polish his chains and boil the oil. Knives must be sharp and claws nice and dirty. There wasn't time for Ms. Deroon; no time to be flirty.
Idunn peaked over the fence while he was his task, Krampus almost cried she wore her Halloween Krampus mask. The monster finally laughed saying it looked just like him, praising the girl but reminding her to stay in. Good children sleep when Santa was about , he would see her tomorrow there was no reason to pout. He told her of all his work and said this time she couldn’t help, she was a girl not an elf. She wished Krampus a happy Christmas then went back in where it was warm. The girl’s parents still knew nothing of the beast or his horns.
Krampus chewed on a bone then gave it to the dog, stretching his arms there were children to flog. He did some deep bends then touched his toes; Christmas wasn't a time for cramps when you rained down blows. It wasn't quit dark when the fat man sleighed through the yard, Ho ho'ing to Krampus the fat tub of lard. Krampus was a monster and monsters don't use sleighs, instead he drove a motorbike with a side car to make is way. Santa thought it slow but seeing only bad kids there were fewer stops; not counting the years the economy drops.
Krampus chewed on a bone then gave it to the dog, stretching his arms there were children to flog. He did some deep bends then touched his toes; Christmas wasn't a time for cramps when you rained down blows. It wasn't quit dark when the fat man sleighed through the yard, Ho ho'ing to Krampus the fat tub of lard. Krampus was a monster and monsters don't use sleighs, instead he drove a motorbike with a side car to make is way. Santa thought it slow but seeing only bad kids there were fewer stops; not counting the years the economy drops.
With Santa so busy, Krampus worked with an elf on Christmas Eve. The monster did the dirty work and elf flew with Santa keeping a few tricks up his sleeve. He delivered a special package for Krampus, if things went bad. Even good kids had biting dogs or stale cookies which made Santa mad. With a word down the chime a present was tossed, smelling the aftermath your lunch was lost.
This elf wasn't Hermie though he was interested in teeth. He hoped to pull them from kids and make a wreath. He never though himself Krampus he wouldn't dare, he just hoped to be a fitting heir. Besides he wasn't furry he hadn't the hair. They called him Piet in his wintry home, few wanted to meet him when alone. On Christmas he radioed Krampus if there was a change of plans. They had their own frequency not using citizen bands. If a house turned bad, or rarely good, Krampus radioed back that he heard and understood.
***
With the work finished Krampus finally headed home, a solitary monster now not so happy to be alone. He would be happy to again see Idunn, but not now or the morning he'd sleep at least until noon. She would have presents and parents make such a fuss, maybe he could see her late after dusk.
With a buzz the radio told him of a change of plans, another for the naughty list, more work at hand. He was tired and groaned at the call. The elves assured it was near his home and the child small. Krampus already full rocked his stomach to make some room. He was glad the night would be over soon.
When he arrived at the address something stuck in his throat. This was Idunn's house he rechecked his written note. Did he write the numbers bad, this can't be right he was mad! Then the monster thought of her little hand turning the rack and worried crept up his back. Was he to blame for her downward turn, the notion hurt like a burn.
This wasn't right Krampus cried, searching the sky for a sleigh that flied. You don't make a friend and then chew her up; Krampus tears could have filled a cup. He roared and moaned but also thought, and a glimmer of an idea must have been caught. Krampus wasn't crafty but simple and direct, and this plan was something he needed to be correct. No kicking in the door no menacing roar; this had to be sly as the fat man breaking into your house, cold as a cat playing with a mouse.
There was evidence that he need gone, there had to be no trace at the end of this con. He didn't know what the neighbor had seen but the monster needed to get away clean. Maybe a fire the big beast thought, He could say he wanted the girl flame broiled if he was caught. Krampus could burn out the neighbor and say wrong address, and then maybe Idunn would be out of this mess. He wouldn't eat her, this much he knew, but still he worried what would he do?
Krampus smashed a bottle of beer and tried to set it alight, being a monster he wasn't aware it needed more alcohol to ignite. With work he set the fence on fire roasting nuts on the open flame. Soon the neighbor’s house spared up blazing much the same. The beast Laughed loud shouting for all to hear, but secretly hurrying the dog to safety, have to fear. His cries awoke the street and of course Idunn. Krampus's monstrous form silhouetted against the moon. Some gasped in terror some pass out others just wondered what the noise was about. But soon everyone knew a monster preyed upon the block. For most it was sort of a shock.
Krampus smiling as flames destroyed the neighbor’s house. Running off he grabbed a lady tearing open her blouse. He left with a swat on her ass, her hen pecked husband just coward as she gasped. When Krampus ran off some tried to give chase, they were fast but couldn't keep pace. The monster hoped fenced and yards. Keeping up was very hard.
The town burning Krampus watched from afar, this was carnage beyond pare. Santa would admonish and rein the beast in; but wouldn't know it was all to save a friend. Krampus glazed into the flames with growing pride. Idunn was safe even if he needed a new place to hide. Krampus would miss the neighbor well at least his dog. Also the warm little house, now he may have to sleep in a bog. He didn't lose much in the blaze, he had a storage locker they gave him a free thirty days. Luckily a monster doesn't look odd compared to their regular customers. Half of them already have horns and dress in assorted furs.
Our monster found a caved in and abandoned old mercury mine. Full of rats and spiders for Krampus it was a lucky find. Nobody explored the caves afraid of the poison, deadly to people but to Krampus the effects were none.
***
Leaning from the sidecar Santa bashed mailboxes swinging a bat. Krampus laughed and revved the motor making the fat man lose his hat. The pair sailed down streets laughing and harassing kids and parents too. You'd be horrified to see what they did at the zoo. Parents were shocked when Santa flashed them the bird. Who knew even Santa had heard it's the word.
Krampus bared his hairy rump; Saint Nick offered a Christmasy fist bump. Elves looked on without a care, the last traces of Christmas jingling from the air. The day afterword and the deed was done. Now it was time for Santa and Krampus to have a little fun.
The eleven more days and Boxing Day would have to wait. The monster and Kringle didn't much care if they were late.
Krampus bared his hairy rump; Saint Nick offered a Christmasy fist bump. Elves looked on without a care, the last traces of Christmas jingling from the air. The day afterword and the deed was done. Now it was time for Santa and Krampus to have a little fun.
The eleven more days and Boxing Day would have to wait. The monster and Kringle didn't much care if they were late.
***
On Burns Night Krampus supped with Bigfoot, out in the woods. Few knew Sasquatch was Scottish! They had a haggis though Krampus was sure it no good. Compared to haggis even Lutefisk tasted sweet. It seemed losing a dare the only reason to eat. Sasquatch was gracious inviting Krampus into his home. During the serving Bigfoot even recited a poem. Then a speech and several many toasts. Krampus brought a few drams of scotch for his seldom seen host.
Our beast sighed sad with a toast to the lasses. There were none and how Krampus hoped to pinch them on the asses. Not since sausage in October was such a fest, but for a friend he made the best. This the last night for Christmas fell far into the New Year. Krampus would be happy for some sleep forgetting the Yule without fear. He soured on after Christmas office parties; they needed no help going bad. Krampus finally though of Christmas having all that could be had.
Krampus thanked Bigfoot and headed off for his cave, He still missed the dog house but it was a price he had paid. And no more nights with lovely Ms. Deroon but worst of all was not to see Idunn. The beast was still the Krampus and fat Kringle didn't know that there was one bad child that the monster let go. A good friend just can’t be beat, and a friend to a monster is someone you just don't eat.
The fire covered his tracks and in the confusion Idunn was spared. Maybe this was redemption for the monster; if so he wouldn't care. The blaze burned down the neighbor house, forcing me to move down south. Oh didn't you know I was the neighbor and Krampus lived in my yard. He wasn't a bad boarder living with him wasn’t too hard. Did Krampus go with us; no he found a place in the hills. If you see him let me know, he hasn't paid all his bills.
Deroon, I heard she was married and had a kid, if it has horns they are well hid. The monster doesn't visit at least that I know. But it’s hard for a monster to come and go. Idunn? I think she still lives with her parent on that street, hoping to see Krampus again, sometimes leaving out meat. Maybe she would see him streak across the yard, she thought she saw him once but in the dark seeing is hard. She is a good girl, but Krampus wouldn't visit even if she was bad. A monster losing a friend is very sad.
Krampus well he is still Krampus so be warned if you are bad, if he doesn't visit you should be glad. He stalks the local playgrounds and shopping mall, preying on children at the end of fall. This year Christmas will come with a curse, Krampus is coming, my final verse.
