Wednesday, September 02, 2009


I dont get it but I am more than people can handle. I start to mention what is going on and everyone tells me to shut up or ignores me. I could hold a gun to my head and I swear everyone would ignore me.

I know i have burned my wife out on this crap. I am trying to find other people to talk to. She has her own stuff going on right now. And I have been like this for years, i dont know if its even fair to her. She has heard it and I have said it to her for so long I am sick of saying it.

I start talking about the failures I have had trying to find a job to my dad and he says Oh stop that crap. Ok fine i guess im used to that from him by now. I just wanted an honest adult conversation and I tried to reach out. I know failure isnt something people want to discuss but its all I have in my pockets right now. I can't talk about my mom about it.

I mention some of my negativity to other people and they just shrug it off. How do i get people to talk about feelings that hurt them. Im just falling down a bit and wonder how I can get back up. What am I doing wrong, what have I done wrong. Am I the person I think I am. Am I any good at stuff, have I tricked myself into thinking I am competent. What is fair for me to hope, look for and expect out of life.

I guess the poetry has left my words, its all too desperate for any eloquence. Im so sickened now

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