Peace on Earth Sells but who's buying

Man christmas is getting down. I don't want to be the only person who can take a wonderful time like christmas and turn it into a problem, but! Man I dont know what to get people, who really have everything. My parents where hard pressed to come up with any ideas. A few of us did that Amazon.com wish list thing but everyone else acts like it would be wrong to make a list. "I have so much already." Ok can I just give some cash to someone, and not have your feelings hurt when you don't have anything to open. Well we both know it's no, so just give me a fucking list.

Don't think this is one of those preachy give your money to charity episodes. I have worked at second harvest food bank and helped out. I guess I was trying to be a better person or something stupid. After I lost my kidneys the world started seeming constructed of random cruelty mixed with some structured kindness. I'm trying not to think that way, im sort of a bastard in person because of it. It's best to ignore me.

Any way It's like I'm running into the realities of christmas. Someone fucked it up along the road. Halmark, Coke, Disney! Maybe it was growing up, maybe its life. The time it takes to make christmas work leaves no time for enjoying christmas. No getting up the lights. No watching the christmas tree at night. I can remember just looking at the way all the strands of lights blinked in chaos and the patterns they made through the pine needles on the ceiling. I can remember going to see all the lights in around town. Now its rushing around and pressuring people for gift ideas.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT?

poety process

Choke the birds from the sky
littered in abattior rot
Feather and bone festooned fence lines
though in the sky not

This bit im thinking about a road i drove on today that used to have a slaughter house on it. Also some freaky sculpture done out of animal bones.

Im looking for something to go into now but i dont feel anything nor do i have any images in my head. Perhaps a barn on some lonely rainy day. Decaying into the ground. Maybe on Marsh road in milpitas or something I will have to think about it a bit.

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Tales of Brave Ulysses

Shatter the window with hail and gail stalking outside Mired in deeps untold drowning void Calling though the maelstorm though the words drown from my lips Dwale drunk and fluid coughing as the embers slip away Pavement crack shards under waters weight And Its finally beginning to take shape And all the communication seems to wash away Foundations soon soaked and break Day whispers on the hillsides but what it holds I'm beginning to fear Denote, revile and hope smeared with an inner doubt Bleeding out the silvered sky


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Donnie Darko / Strange Brew

This week i am going to take a look at a couple of movies i indeed own, so the reviews will be decidedly positive. This weeks its Donnie Darko and Strange Brew. Certainly different sorts of films but not so off.

I remember seeing a picture from Donnie Dark on aintitcoolnews.com and thinking hey i want to see that. Well kidney failure and transplant later i found it at BlockBuster soon after hitting DVD. My wife and I watch the film and just sat a while talking about it. Which is always a good sign because most of the time i go that was crap or something. I like a lot of whats going on in the movie, the pseudo science, the sound track factoring into jokes. Ill describe it as a horror thriller until all you spoiler free people stop reading. Just skip down to the Strange Brew part. Ok so really its a scifi love story. Donnie creates a pocket reality where a giant satanic bunny rabbit helps him get the girl and then to finish off the causality trap kill the person in the bunny suit so that he can become his advisor. A little confusing but totally worth a watch.



Strange Brew

I have always loved Canada, and im not sure why. Perhaps i am attracted just to North in a Glenn Gould sort of way. I like the bleekness and the harshness you see on cars or what not. I like the way time seem to not change things so much. Things seem fixed and immune to change of facade but maybe thats just my video. Like watching the model of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood, those models never change. Strange brew is sort of a time capsule for 82 Toronto which i love. The story is both moronic and inspired at the same time, it is actually hamlet though few people know that. The jokes are often over the top and terribly stupid but they are delivered with the perfect touch that its hard not to love the movie. To even go into the plot is pointless its a movie of moments. But its got Beer, Doughnuts and toronto skunks what is not to love.

3d6 to large creatures

Another Thursday another game. Thats right after far too long a game came together. The chips were down but we pulled it off. My books and module were shanghai'd with my car, by a visiting relative. I had to buy a PDF off RPGNOW.com to play!

Little actually happened, our wayward fighter finally bowed out. Sort of for the best really. The party found a cache of items, totally Monty Hall old school games. I'm running the U3 final enemy which is certainly old school. They found some of it was water breathing stuff and made there way back to town for payment. They wanted more money to help but the town basically said they bled them dry and are off to war.

I guess they have the option of doing a last run into the stronghold or moving on. How they proceed will effect what happens pretty directly at the start of the next game night.

Slacker / Van Helsing

I got a chance to watch a couple of movies this weekend and figured here would be a good start for a series of movie reviews. I watch movies a bit and have had this idea running around my head for a awhile. I check out aintitcoolnews.com a bit and I am certainly not that sort of movie fan. I don't get excited about everything I see, gosh that Harry dude lists his video picks and it looks like every movie coming out. I rarely find more than a couple of DVD's a season. I guess I'm not a person who loves movies but rather a person who loves the movies I love.

Anyway I rented Van Hellsing and Slacker from the video store. Neither was a purchase nor do i feel a need to run out and buy either.

Lets start with Van Hellsing, I hated this fucking piece of crap. It was one of those non movies that Will Smith constantly comes out with. You know you see it and you don't really remember it 10 minutes later so you can watch it over and over. These turds usually have a bunch of goofy scenes and subplots that lead no where. I think this is to confuse your brain into instantly forgetting the film. Here the plot was sort of lame and then there was a useless thing about Van Hellsing being the arch angel Gabriel, WTF! The effects were terrible and just looked shitty. Mr. Hyde looked like a DIC cartoon.., Yeah like "you cant stop the littles cuz the littles don't stop"! Bomble from Rudolphs shiny new year looked better. What the hell David Wenham was doing in this after Lord of the Rings is beyond me. Stay the hell away from this!

Slacker was better but not great. I think there was a time in my life that I would have loved slacker and if those events had played out I would still like this movie. But my friends that remind me of characters in the movie have moved on. Im left somewhat nostalgic but mostly sad for the people in the film. It could be that I saw it at 30, but really I think its where I live. Idle youth just doesn't work here in the silicon valley where you have to work 60 hours a week to make rent. Anyway the film not having a plot wasn't to much of a problem for me, though i could see it being for other people. It sort of drifts from character to character moving exponentially into the cosmos and perhaps back in time. I say back in time because the last scene seemed like a 60's era home movie. I liked the parts that seemed more staged and had some comedy like the old lady getting hit or I should have stay at the bus station bit. As it moved I either saw something of my own pretensions in the peoples speeches or saw people that I recognized and didn't like. Their is a fellow who convinces some girls to go to a show with him claiming he has passes but actually didn't; he bugged the hell out of me. Maybe that's from my metal days, straight forward task execution mindedness. The guy seems too manipulative to me. I can see how people have liked the film though. I'm living in the reality where I rented Hal Hartleys Trust maybe elsewhere this is a universe where i rented Slacker and am waiting to buy Before Sunrise on DVD.

Until Later

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Cymbaline

The side streets there to hide Cut away the contacts and communication She isn't around nor touched this place for years But i find it needing if together only dreamt Broken stone builds ravens closing in Double helix shadows stood now forgot Flooded ward dancing sunlight on wind driven waves Here the windows are broken where once she looked out Final cut phone rings The voice is whispering down the line Feeding into the daydream good to hear the scarecrow is doing fine



I sort of put myself into a mood and place and started going from there. I was thinking about an area of California Street in palo alto which is where the double helix shadow is. From there I had obviously Cymbaline in my head, I sort of though to the songs rhythm, off More. Thank you Pink Floyd! Through a couple degrees of seperation i jumped to Kubrik my friend Derek Tarkoffsky and finally Stalker. I was specifically thinking of the flooded hospital/clinic where the trio rested. Also that seen where the phone rings while they are in the zone sort of out of no where. Back to a floyd song and Scarecrow touch. Well that is a little insight into it.

Happy Hallows
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Pillow of Winds

Hailing the west mountain with shallow and stretching light Over the fumes and corning ware chemical bath Through windows that lament the days drowning outside lightly slapped shaking by multitudes of flags Fields too far resign and yeild gold or rust at seasons march Down the valley clouds begin to keep and winds to shriek Forgotten orchards still would reap yet see how the plows are overgrow and rot Where stalks upon dreamt shores autum golems with tiny epiphany wrought

Amoung the Living

I dont know if its the time of year, the change of colors, but it feels time for a change. I'm wasting my time on quit a bit of crap and it has to stop. I have spent my life as a traveller trying to stay way from bonds and responsiblity. Playing Bards Tale 3 and watching Night Court. This is what i guess for living a life never pushed, never driven.

But you dont get wise with the sleep still in your eyes I hear so I better get going. I am going to be working on a couple of larger format things for you and perhaps getting an FTP set up so i can distribute other media. Hopefully you will start seeing the first serialized story hitting by in a couple of days. Also I am going to be working on putting more of my late night drives into words and pictures.

Until later
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New Lystra

Heading toward dark through old burnt orchards Cold and clarity came with the rains Now it's lifting some girl sings about big skies though through windows just black Heavy drops sometimes bleed down the window It's all memory driving home Wishing myself someone better Into days already said Near sleep she's feeling something is wrong I'm just quiet waiting for the scarecrow to speak

Alms

Its been awhile, I feel like I have fallen off the wagon and am climbing back on. Happy to be getting back off the ground but ashamed of the fall. I've been wandering for a few weeks and not finding much in my schemes. Looking at work its falling apart, I don't care so much and I'm not on top of things. Contentment turns sour some days and you taste the bile in regret.

Some things just are not making me happy these days; I dont understand it. I used to love certain things now I am forgetting about them completely when I have people waiting for me. Some call that depression but its feels like a change. I want something from my time, something to say hey cool i did this. Not a high level Everquest character who is a grand master smith. Even if its just a shabby little poem to post here; after all im just a shabby little poet.

I want to watch the clouds race across the face of the moon on an early october night, at least that is a memory.

I hope to be able to say I will post more regularly, but no promises just work.

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P.s. listening to the new Grails CD, Redlight, and its awesome go buy it!

1, 2, Free Four

Sorry folks

I think i have writers block or something. Just sort of have my mind else where and i can't seem to find a voice. i have a cold i think which doesn't help much for wanting to work. I'm going to try and get some sleep this week and see how i feel. Hopefully get something up on Friday.

I did make it to the book store over the weekend and found a copy of Being and Time which was cool. i also grabbed a book of Moliere's plays, guess i was inspired by The Unbelievable Truth. i wanted something with good dialog, something i am terrible at. i have my self depricating voice as the all knowing 3rd person writer insulting myself the character but thats it. One trick pony.

Well i should get back to work and listening to Chris de Burgh. No not that lady in red crap! Don't pay the ferryman Homes.

Happy Fall
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Hold on to the Ancient Dreams

It's Thursday again but no game. Real lives and gaming don't mix very well some weeks, we'll you've all seen Mazes and Monsters so I’m preaching to the choir. I figure I will tell you a story, tell you a legend, tell you of days of yore. Back in the days of stirruped stretch pants and 8 bit video games I was a D&D playing dork, little changes with age. Saturday nights between Headbangers Ball and late night Taco Bravo runs we gamed. I know you are probably expecting a room full of scrawny gimps that would be turned away at a blood bank for not hitting the 110 pound requirement, not the case. This was the late 80's Iron Maiden had made swords kewl and all the rockers were gaming.

Our DM was an enigma. I've never know anyone like him, yet everyone who games knows someone just like him! We are all perplexed maybe he just really gets around. Anyway Brian was the little guy with glasses and a denim jacket covered in metal band patches. I aint talking Cinderella or Trixter either; we are talking Venom, Exodus, Coroner! This guy had more D&D crap than you have seen; think you had more Bzzzt WRONG JACK! This guy had seven feet stacked up in one corner. Judges guild, All the Worlds Monsters 1-3, Alexander Van Thorne he had it all. First / Second edition he didn't care.

That was how we played first edition monks next to 2nd. ed rangers and some crazy terramancers he photo copied off some dude at Pacificon. It was insane and my friends made it worse, half of them were burnt during the game. One guy either way didn’t make much difference, you said the title of any heavy metal song though, and he would tell you the name of the record. Just randomly "We must stome the conjuering of the demon queen." "Hey The Conjuering thats a Megadeth song!" Once we had over fifteen people playing, it took four and a half hours for us to go round the table three times and kill a dragon. Half the time we would walk down to the Bon Faire on Capitol and waste another hour there. I guess I understand the looks the clerks would give us back then. A bunch of skuzzy looking kids wandering through the store showing up all at once.

I would catch a ride back home in the back of my friend’s truck which wasn’t too fun in the middle of the night around December. At least he usually had a blanket. My parents were usually waiting up and pissed off at me when I got home. My Mom had called the hospitals, blah blah. I would be in trouble a while, usually ok by the next weekend. I think Adam Curry comes on at nine and Testament is with him this week.

Plan A

You ever cruise around the mall in a car that probably should have been junked years ago? You know the kind where your friend wired in some house speakers he got at a garage sale, but he really didn’t know much about wiring so every so often it sparks up and catches fire? Old math books, Burger King trash bags and Dungeons and Dragons modules slowly decaying in the hatch back trunk? Maybe you just heard some strange heavy metal music blasting incredibly loud and distorted from a red ford fiesta that seemed to be circling the parking lot? Fond memories of a misspent youth, or perhaps "memories are faded but there are really coming back."

In those days i was flipping burgers at Mc Donald's in Oakridge mall, sucked but was a pay check. Actually in retrospect it was pretty fun, I was working with a friend, hardly putting in any hours and I had a crush on a girl there. I would run by the Game Keeper before shifts or the B Dalton. Buy some goofy philosophy book and read it in the break room to try to impress said girl from sentence two. As if reading "Being and Nothingness" impresses anyone. If your smart you would run away screaming from anyone reading that, or give them a relentless beating in hope that their next incarnation will be better. If you believe in that crap, I don't "I was born a snake handler I'll die a snake handler."

Come payday I would run down to Southgate liquors and cash out my fifty bucks; using a liquor store as a bank fuck I was doing awesome back then. Then I would run down to Streetlight records cus used vinyl was pretty much all fifty bucks buys. Sad when tapes are out of your budget. Anyway I had a pretty bad taco bell habit back then, sometimes like twice in a day. Video games was another problem for me, I was freebasing contra and double dragon at the end.

There was a crew of three of us that would do Taco Bell and keystone arcade a couple of times a week. We called it plan A, which is bad when you have a code name for taco bell and video games. We would meet over in keystone parking lot and had our own parking spots since everything was closed by then. Then we would go in through the old black light back entrance to our geek opium den, 25 cents a fix. I loved that old place it was crowded and dark the way an arcade should be, like that one episode of Buster and Me. No not the one where buster liked Jacko and his friend liked Boy George, the arcade one. I would love to see that episode again. Then we would blow the rest of our cash at taco bell on Blossom Hill and sit out side until it closed. Talking film and music and bullshit too.

http://www.klov.com

Piece of Mind

Its Choking hot still after dark Up riding pass midnight with the ac running full Its one of those nights where you can find some people wandering about Old couples with their dogs by sprinklers Vagrant kids near schools and parks Listless souls haunting the 7-11 down on landess The weather is making me sick and im waiting on fall Sometime near 2 its cool enough for the windows Jaspers got his head out the window panting as we are riding up Calaveras Maybe we'll head up Meridian out to Calero and find my way home Around Camden Jas is barking Again as we see the water Catherine Parr is playing on the radio as Im hearing the words whisper through

I've got a keyboard +5 and a cloak of blogging

Another Thursday and another game. It used to be the weekends in my parents garage, boiling in the summer freezing in the winter. It was great then though. Brian behind the DM screen with his manajery of creatures thrown together. Us ready to kill mosters and get goodies. A real hack n' slash dungeon crawl for the ages.

These days i am running some of the old school modules myself. U3 to be exact! The party has just gotten started on the module. They were attacked by a huge octopus while sailing to their destination, in accordance to the setup. Now they have been scouting out a Sahuagin fortress. They scouted around and found only one entrance now they are waiting for the, stupid game mechanics to present the druid with new spells in the morning. I guess they are going to try and break in, our next gaming scession. So it really ended up with not much happening. We need a little more utility in my little party i think.

Sort of works out really. The next expansion for those D&D mins will have a Sahaugin ranger in it and maybe i can buy some off ebay before the end of the module. Shoot maybe the players can too wink wink.

Well that is it for now
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Time Stand Still

Buying records is a bit too intimate an experience for me, anyone ever get this feeling? That moment where the cashier rings up the purchase and paws over my stuff, I feel like I'm being judged. When i come up wearing my leather jacket and and headstrong attitude, I feel like the cashier is saying bullshit as he looks at my Counting Crows CD. Yep I like em, I have all their records, I see you are shocked but it gets worse. I have some kix and Jonatha Brooke too! The Maiden isnt just a front, but sometimes maybe it is. I've been listening to classical lately, Derek's to blaim, some days I can't face Reign in Blood. Does that mean im old?

A year or two ago I got an "excellecent selection", when picking up "Heaven and Hell", from the cashier at Rasputin. So I know they are looking. This weekend ran in and bought some sure light weight stuff. I had to buy a Celtic Frost bumper sticker to not feel like an old man. I know they are like 20 years old but at least they have some rebellion in them. Well except for that time they sold out on Cold Lake. Man I'm grasping desperately at youth I think that does mean im old.

Well back to listening to Brain Salad Surgery and Dave Gilmour
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So Far Away

Take away the elevation and air Dream snow kissed fields at the end of November She is talking live My breath fogs' ghosts here outside Wandering the farms wooden decay Wings break from trees with approach and I'm wishing I could too They are laughing inside I'm feeling worse Oak warms the hills and I'm finding my way From moss and stone im looking out Wanting her and I to be alone where its better Locked up with me But thats just helping me Counting out what seems too long I'm heading back in Trying to smile and be alright Trying to want for her As the Scarecrow speaks

A 60 ton Angel falls to the earth

Came down Sierra
In marshlands to rest
holding on hillsides
In crematory Ashe

Nearly missed midnights
Stars tearing light
Drowning cold friendships
On rivers edge nights

Whisper of murder
Remind me of old debts
I can't now repay
And friends gone away


I kind of wrote this very quickly while at work. I am not really happy with the results so maybe I can use this as a work in progress. I was thinking of a couple of people I knew who were murdered and then sort of drifted over to the Rivers Edge murder case which happened where I used to live in Berryessa. I may take that bit out and focus elsewhere. Also that debts business needs to go.

Here comes the Flood

sorry for not posting. Writers block i guess. I have been doing other stuff guitar, video games stuff like that. I don't know though I write a bunch at work while I should be working on stuff. Maybe I need to take something in to get writing again. I remember a teacher saying you can't write in a vacuum which is true, though life is on going. Who knows maybe it really isnt when the days don't feel very different.

I have been trying to get better at my little guitar which is something. I have been trying to figure out this Trains song by a group called The Porcupine Tree. It's really quite good sort of Catherine Wheel and RadioHead channeling Gabriel era Genesis. That and a David Gilmor song called Murder. I would like to learn that Southern Cross song too but I can never find full tab for it, just chords. Please send it if you got it.

As for video games I do too much of that stuff. I am playing too much Everquest these days. I am smithing, whats that you ask? It's working to become good at an imaginary skill in a fake world in a game! Great still havent finished my book from a few months ago.

Then there is crap going on at the Dog park. Some queen bee self important woman has decided she didnt like my dog so is talking to people and now serveral people are talking about him. It's ridiculous that people have so little to do with their lives. Before I lost my kidney I was helping out at second harvest food bank. She could help there and shut up about my dog. So now I'm driving to the park blasting Slayers Angel of Death just to tell the people don't talk to me.

Well enough of my crap. Poetry soon.
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