Friday, February 04, 2011

I've read all the books about being ill

I have a had a lot of medical problems throughout my life. From my kidney failure, skin problems all the way to several ear operations. Even to this day the ear nose and throat doctor makes me nervous. I would much rather to go the dentist, in fact my dentist is cool. I can easily remember being terrified as a kid visiting various doctors.

Now that I am a dad seeing my kid sick is incredibly hard. We had to give my daughter some eye drops which had her screaming and very afraid. Just doing it put me back in the doctors chair terrified of some thing he was going to use on my ears. And then I would think of my kid feeling that terror and I feel like I have failed. I don't want her to go through the crap I had even in a small way. Feeling her fear put me in tears the other night. I know it and I know how deep it is when you don't understand what is happening. And for my why it seemed to happen to me so often and not other people.

I don't mean that in a why me sort of way. I mean it in a kid coming to understand that their is something pretty seriously wrong with them sort of way. So far my daughter has been very brave little girl and has had few of the problems I had. I am happy, me being sick instead of hear makes what I have gone through OK.

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