looking up this morning

Morning seeming pale
across the western wall
of hills that pall
and hold back the sea

magpies wander aghast
shrill calls feral terror
No wing of weight
The sky will bear

barren aeries greet
eyes soar form such light
soon set with some
quiet and wonder if not fright

Swiss Colony of the Slippermen

Well its been a long long time. I have been busy with things that seemed worthwhile in the moments i wasted, but not so much anymore. I guess you could say i have been in a self imposed writing exile. I have just felt that i needed to take something in to be able to put something out. Like i was stuck on the same themes and ideals.

I have been reading some Peake and Keirkegaard and have landed back on Leibniz door step. And trying to figure out just exactly what I am doing with all of this. Why I don't feel content in my skin and all that. Struggling between the lazy and the manic.

But around this time, I feel a pause coming over me. Like a few slower moments with friends would sit well. Though i dont find any calling.

A little Oblivion

The driving is going no where lately, ending up at Krispy Kreme or 7/11 for donut gems. Its like I have been everywhere and there is nothing left to see. And when I am out I feel like there is something else waiting back home, something much more important for becoming who i want to be. Its sort of hard going through the motions and not finding the comfort I need in things, Like drinking and not getting drunk or something. And people are gone so its running up against solitude, which i dont really want these days.

Happy Phantom

I think its time for a bit of a fall cleaning on the olde site. I am going to take some time to look over whats all here and see if any of it doesnt suck. Maybe try to work on the stuff that is blatantly unfinished. Keep your eyes open for more. Not you scrapping mortgage sellers I advise you to go rent a gun and off yourself as a positive eugenic step for the nation. I dont know why someone would comment om my poetry suggesting I get a better loan, WTF does my lack of self esteem translate so directly into a poor credit score?

I bet your thinking "Fall Cleaning" sounds goofy aren't you. If I were an academic i would feel it was the beginning of the year. I guess its part of the pretending. I heard someone talking about foothill college and I had a little pang of longing. Why i would go to a community college after getting an AA I am still having a hard time understanding. But I have a certain gift for wasting time in things that feel semi fruitful. All that adds up to a perception of new beginnings when the sun is wisping through the window low in the afternoon.

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Obscured By Clouds

Hush down the rain and let silence set awhile in the wake of wine and tastes delicate and refined. It's only sunset with haze burning opaque in moments nagging of ungainly time. Whispers off the stereo chalk away imploring tones of stay , soon it's absolutely curtains threading the needle round. Your listening intent from the far side of the couch, legs tucked up between us, as im drawing augury from your mouth.


I am not sure what i am going for here. It seems like a moment that at exists after a moment of intimacy going rather wrong. Be it being ashamed for doing something to someone they really didn't want or relationship that is wrong. It feels like im heading somewhere i don't personally know so I am trying to figure out my reference to the situation but don't know where to go now.

Kill Devil Hill

With darker and more mutable concerns fall seems to be driving down the mountains in from the sea. Off tree tops dismal airs collapse with summers last fury and force, calling down scorn sewn with embers dying might. Low in little time mortal minds will be held by autumns chores and delights. It's close to morrow and closer still to night, all wilds pang calling. Whisper Cradles or envy line down civilized old Apian with mired greed I've tried to wash white.

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Ode to Gamescape

With a long weekend ahead I decided to indulge my more nerdy fancies and headed to Gamescape, last Friday. Approaching the store along the El Camino, much to my horror and shock, I spied a sign indicating the eventual closing of the store. I sat sickened waiting for the u turn light to burn green once again, this seemed hours of vile wait. I had to get parked immediately and debunk this terrible lie. Finally seemingly hours later I was parked and walking toward the door. It was open at least, I had not missed them entirely. Things did not seem awry but after time it was confirmed, and my heart sunk. A 20% off closing sale hardly made up for the worst atrocity since the closing of Frontier Village.

To address the issue with better clarity I must say Gamescape is my first string store, my plan A, my go to shop. It inherited this mantle after the closing of Griffin Computer, had set me adrift. Prior it had been a seldom made pilgrimage to check the used stock. Griffin had the prices and selection in those days, so I was staunch and loyal. Griffin was something of a successor to the Game Table, and was around when I realized D&J sucked. Gamescape has always been a bit of a drive, and Griffin had my back. One day Griffin sort of imploded, it was then I threw my lot in with Gamescape and I haven't looked back. It was easier after moving to Cupertino and so it went for many years. Their move from California to Elcamino only minor issue. A recent change of work and a few visits to Game Castle are causing me some guilt, perhaps this wouldn't have been so.

Now I am left storeless once again, and am weighing options. D&J oh useless of stores, you have no right to even be considered. Only two lights burn true these days, Game Kastle and Paradox play ground. Game Kastle at present is the more solid of stores from a product perspective. They have a very good selection of RPG's with a strong base of board games. Paradox has them beat on minis, and seems like it has room for potentially becoming a sound store. A few friends have adopted Paradox which gives me some bias, but not enough to side. Paradox is closer and easier to get to which I like. Really I would like to see the stores join forces, then I at least wouldn't have a decision. I guess I will bid my time see what comes, storeless once more.

Navigate the Seas of the Sun

Upon the crystal cathedrals of the deeps
the silence brightly gleems
And its up the mountains with fearful speed
Cut through redwood estates to find Holy Cities
of shattered glass where stories forgotten scream


Starts something no idea what
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Bonded by blood

To summarize some level of work I am trying to connect a mass of accounts of travels that look for and sometimes even find insight upon the roads A certain association of modern skalds strives for what they call small epiphanies in their works This categories well what I am referring to when invoking the Scarecrow A semi mystical voice from whence knowledge can be found The term itself is borrowed from said enclave of entertainers In my works the passenger is not a constant nor even the driver as often I am only a transcriber of tales i have heard I personally find insight only when I am closest to self or perhaps in moments of conversation where one can let down the guards and speak freely the sort of communication that begins with exhaling and then revealing that which is most often hidden Perhaps another of a more social disposition would find wisdom with more noise though i personally doubt there is much wisdom they will find With regard to my lack of punctuation i have found this much easier to quickly right and also find it harder to censor myself which could prove i reveal more than i might wish Which is in itself something of a goal

once

Pedals out the window
until at once just a car
Grinding down our finger tips
blood streams into a jar

Jagged line melody
breathing tired and weak
Against treeline horizons
Fertile valleys seem bleak

once I could dream lavender
now its seems only death
time once was racing
Now i only straggle along

Once sun streamed in
Window viewed only hope
Now i'll drive miles
to stir embers and smoke

if again wonder
coils along my spine
venom cold and melody
once again are blind

sleep off the summer
if the sun only lies
wounded wings plummet
from pink moon skies



a little more creaps in
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Spectral Forces

The road ahead invokes some magic and light assaults the car Though with time the bridge is gone and there is darkness enough to speak Soon banshee screams ring out in valleys shroud in sleep In our words ghosts are breathing on streets we seek Then plundge into sulfur and septic with New Deal built walls racing on Alum Between the bonds and lies perhaps the scarecrow speaks


This rather obtusely recounts some of the stories related to the Alum Rock park area and is far less random than it seems.

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Crescent Star Rock Score Card 2

Howdy folks

Keeping you up to date with the soundtrack that hides behind the blog again. Here is the list since the latest time i did this.

Pieces of your Presence Here...........Colin Haye.......Line from I just dont think i will get over you ......Garden State Soundtrack

White is the light that shines............Pink Floyd.......Line from Green is the Colour....More Soundtrack

Bring me my arrows of desire..........John Milton/Bruce Dickinson.....Line from Jerusalem....The Chemical Wedding

Early Morning Rain............................Gordon Lightfood....Early Morning Rain.....Gord's Gold

Still Life................................................Iron Maiden.............Still Life....Peace of Mind

White Flag...........................................Grails......................White Flag....Burden of hope

Evaporated..........................................Ben Folds Five.......Evaporated....Whatever and ever amen

Everything in its right place..............Radio Head............Everything in its right place....Kid A

Denim and Leather.............................Saxon.....................Denim and Leather.......Denim and leather


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Denim and Leather

Were you there is 79 when the dam began to bust? I was a little late myself, and it never snows in San Jose so waiting at the Cactus wasn't in the snow. I would mention the Pony Express Pizza but, that's something a friend talked about, I wouldn't know. I guess buying taps at Longs Drugs doesn't much count as a heavy metal commitment, when your choosing between Ozzy, Warrant and REO Speedwagons' "This time we mean it".

I guess i'm talking about something I only half hearted lived, with a denim jacket sans Maiden back patch. But I got BAM and read that Stefan guys columns and checked the shows. Sad when you find your freedom a couple months after summers gone and your left with Y & T reunions at the county fair. But that's the life of the timid headbanger wanting to see Testament but not really wanting to go to some youth center in Oakland for the show.

In ways it summarizes my life waiting on the side lines with something holding from saying or doing what i desperately wanted. If i distilled it down, it's somewhere in the fact that I'm not really comfortable in a party full of friends and hide outside or run off to Keystone to play Midnight Wanderers on 3 wonders.

Connections and comfort aren't the same for me. It's arms distance until its safe. If you hear Exodus blasting from a car and glance over banging your head with the beat, that's cool.

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http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?letter=&game_id=10089
http://discography.speedwagon.com/database/showalbum_new.pl?5
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000005RNQ/ref=m_art_li_3/002-7153232-0160860?v=glance&s=music

Everything in it's right place

Hush and rain ground upon the pavement if memory fails and ties cease to bind Wide eyed navigators who know the words and roads gaze out through the trees upon the road Around a turn cresting out of cloud the moon bore down and skies sheath'd their tears From the passenger seat the radio researched With static and whispers perhaps the scarecrow speaks

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Evaporated

To elaborate on a theme, I know what's down most of the roads and I'm too old for mystery in a change of scene. I could lie and say the old emotions still straggle round the driveways and hedgeways while im unravelling the connections im unlearning; yet randomly sought. I could pull the pins out of the boards and loose the butterflies, since lately i'm wondering what i caught. It's long and cotton down perhaps with time it will drown.

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Rastan or Retirement

Sometimes when im at work i just want to get out and go to the mall or something. Be one of those people that people wonder about on long lunchtime Tuesday afternoons. Go to golfland with a few quarters and hide out. Camp infront of Choplifter til im good or the laundry money has all been spent. Thats a lie actually i have my own washer; I have even fixed it a few times. I guess thats the problem I have a washer and I'm doing home repair. Forget grey hair its when you start patching dry wall. Somewhere a long the way i got to much work to be young and too responsible not to care.

Over

With a wish its moving closer to free. Riding away from words of prophecy and leaving for desolace and me. Here high plains are slivered with sky then tear and sleep upon grasslands leading home. Steps break with serpent holes thrown headlong and held fast. Then thin Light washes the parking lot on days grown later than they seem.


Really this doesn't feel complete so maybe there is more
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1st Paragraph of something

Break with the dawn in fog whispering of twisted metal along the way. Here hush and cold breathe with juniper and pine on streets lined with too many cars to be high rent. Brick on my way cold in morning undecided on winter or spring. Capewood comes and passes to Coddle where people are finally awake. The looks say i'm not welcome but not out of place. Strides come to pace down side streets with winds pillowed upon my face.

Part the first

Off from splintering wishes comes the pain that it won't return. Found amid the oil stain'd water mildew willow leaves steeping gray. Head down as always and only half a mind for sight, I'm rushing against conclusions i must face. Narrow against the falsehoods the rain begins to break. Off a few minutes It's coming into view, cold and cubist against cyclone suburban skys. In measures I'm holding on but there are no songs today.

White Flag

There is a light running threw the plum trees far up the street, breaking against winter frost mornings, gold on bark and slumber. Nearer wash the road ways ablaze with hope and free. Lined with low end housing that glare through iron grates. And fences that I peer in walking, through slats at unmowen wildwood yards that rust in mystery, and what little I see.

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Absolutely Curtains

Here on the shallow roads
its moving without time
Sliding against wooded
streets that rhyme

and decay in memory bound
Fences mourn and split
without sound
Under leaden skys

light is ladder wrought
hiss against being caught

Over streams on snow caped rock
and gladly merging with the shadow
chasing for the other side
Bringing feelings one can only despise

Gilgamesh

Summer's coming and I can't escape closing my eyes I'll just wait Throw away the regret and delay that is cracked along the ridgeline Without much to say Wish down the gails racing from the shore and dream something i can ignore

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Sorry...I've been sick

Still not feeling well really. Coughing up nasty things and sleeping most of the time.

Resolutions

Im not sure what you folks have resolved for the year, but I'm working on somethings. I resolved 2006 is year of Rock and I gotta take 2005 to get ready. Gotta work on a svelte gangly rock n' roll style body and a hard rockin new attitude. Gotta get a three octave C scale going and a solid grasp of the D minor chord, its the saddest of chords really. Gotta let the fro grow out to Gene Simmons like demonic might! Well perhaps not.

I really just want to work off some of my extra tonage and post here with some differently formatted material. Maybe a serialized novel or a screen play, keep up the posts and maybe get some more readers.

Well Happy New Year
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