Monday, November 26, 2012

Christmas time (Don't let the bells end)

Well Christmas season starts and it already I am despondent.  You do all you can to give your kids this dream of Christmas and there are these moments you feel it through them.  But there is large hole I the other times.  Denise feels it with her family being far away I feel it with other things.  Time speeding by and everything feels pushed to be memorable, and there are no quiet moments to just enjoy things. 

Some of it is feeling we have no friends to just come over and enjoy Christmas without any need to be there.  No party or whatever just dinner or whatever.  Sometimes I consider moving, Denise has mentioned it lately.  I think she feels her family is all on the east coast so want to be with them.  for me I feel as alone in a group of them as by myself, no actually I have video game so by myself is easier.  I guess I am the sort that just feels out of place everywhere there people are.

Then you all the fun of the Christmas season, and I don't know where to start.  Christmas in the park felt like a sea of people and random street vendors last time we went.  My Daughter was more interested in the butterfly wand she got, the exhibits were ignored.  There is no snow here in the bay.  Even Krampus seems a little depressed but the mood I have going right now. 

Presents seem so forced.  We don't see these people for years and send presents, why?  With the adults it reminds me of my friends Mom and uncle sending twenty dollars back and forth for years.  Just swapping and swapping with only the bills changing.  I have bought myself everything I want there really is no need.  Maybe it would just be best to give to the needy.

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