Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Krampus for Christmas part 125: clean up part 6

The morning before Christmas eve Krampus worked without reprieve.  He shoved up dog crap with a Christmas filled Delight.  He would toss them down Chimneys later on that night.  A special present for those who made Santa mad, filled with extra tidings joyous and glad.  Hurry filled the cool air of a day filled with Christmas toil.  Krampus had much to do and still needed to boil the oil.  Knives must be sharpened and claws must be dirty.  The elves would be here sharply at six thirty.  Idunn peaked over the fence while he was entrenched in his tasks.  The monster was busy draining pus into flasks.  Idunn asked but Krampus said she didn't want to know, but said it added a contagious element to the show.  He told her of all his work and said this time she couldn’t help, after all she was a girl not an elf.   She wished Krampus a happy Christmas then went back in where it was warm.  The girl’s parents  still knew nothing of the beast or his horns.

Krampus chewed on a bone then gave it to the dog.  He stretched and limbered, warming up for the kids he would flog.  He did some deep bends then touched his toes; Christmas wasn't a time for cramps when you rained down blows.   It wasn't quit dark when the fat man sleighed through the yard, Ho ho'ing to Krampus the fat tub of lard.  Krampus was a monster and monsters don't use sleighs, instead he drove a motorbike with a side car to make is way.  Santa thought it slow but seeing only bad kids there were fewer stops; not counting the years the economy drops.

With Santa so busy, Krampus worked with an elf on Christmas Eve. This elf wasn't Hermie though he was interested in teeth.  He hoped to pull them from kids and make a wreath.  He never though himself Krampus he wouldn't dare, he just hoped to be a fitting heir.  They called him Piet in his wintry home, few wanted to meet him when alone.  On Christmas he radioed Krampus if there was a change of plans.  They had their own frequency not using citizen bands.  If a house turned bad, or rarely good, Krampus radioed back that he heard and understood

The night of Christmas went off without a hitch.  Krampus took pity on a couple of tots and left them crying in a ditch.  Except for that small glimmer of remorse the monster was the fury of the north.  The beast kicked in doors and stormed off with children.  There was no city that kids were safe in.  Santa commended Krampus at the end of the night.  This year he really had sewn some fright.  With the work finished Krampus finally headed home, a solitary monster now not so happy to be alone.  He would be happy to again see Idunn, but not now or morning he'd sleep until noon. She would have presents and parents make such a fuss, maybe he could see her late after dusk.  

With a buzz the radio told him of a change of plans, another for the naughty list, more work at hand.  He was tired and groaned at the call. The elves assured it was near his home and the child small.  Krampus already full rocked his stomach to make some room. He was glad the night would be over soon.  When he arrived at the address something stuck in his throat. This was Idunn's house he checked and rechecked the note.  Did he write the numbers bad, this can't be right he was mad!  Then the monster thought of her little hand turning the rack and worried crept up his back. Was he to blame for her downward turn, the notion hurt like a burn.   This wasn't right Krampus cried, searching the sky for a sleigh that flied.  You don't make a friend and then chew her up; Krampus tears could have filled a cup.  He roared and moaned but also thought, and a glimmer of an idea must have been caught. Krampus wasn't crafty but simple and direct, and this plan was something he needed to be correct.  No kicking in the door no menacing roar; this had to be sly as the fat man breaking into your house, cold as a cat playing with a mouse.

There was evidence that he need gone, there had to be no trace at the end of this con.  He didn't know what the neighbor had seen but the monster needed to get away clean. Maybe a fire the big beast thought, He could say he wanted the girl flame broiled if he was caught.  Krampus could burn out the neighbor and say wrong address, and then maybe Idunn would be out of this mess.  He wouldn't eat her, this much he knew, but still he worried what would he do?

Krampus smashed a bottle of beer and tried to set it alight, being a monster he wasn't aware it needed more alcohol to ignite.  With work he set the fence on fire roasting nuts on the open flame.  Soon the neighbor’s house spared up blazing much the same.  The beast Laughed loud shouting for all to hear, but secretly hurrying the dog to safety, have no fear.  His cries awoke the street and of course Idunn.  Krampus's monstrous form silhouetted against the moon.  Some gasped in terror some pass out others just wondered what the noise was about.  But soon everyone knew a monster preyed upon the block.  For most it was sort of a shock.  Krampus smiling as flames destroyed the neighbor’s house. Running off he grabbed a lady tearing open her blouse.  He left with a swat on her ass, her hen pecked husband just cowered as she gasped.  When Krampus ran off some tried to give chase, they were fast but couldn't keep pace.  The monster hoped fenced and yards.  Keeping up was very hard. Some of the bravest tried to repel the attack, but the mighty Krampus lashed and they recoiled back.  Limbs broken the monster laughed without mercy, right there in the street were anyone could see.  Cover and subtly cast aside, Krampus loose all his fury deep from inside. Windows were broken this would be Krampus's great art.  Clean up would take forever no matter how soon they start.  Working weekends with brooms and rakes.  Krampus stormed off shouting "Enjoy your Christmas cakes!"

The town burning Krampus watched from afar, this was carnage beyond pare.  Santa would admonish and reign the beast in; but wouldn't know it was all to save a friend.  Krampus glazed into the flames with growing pride.  Idunn was safe even if he needed a new place to hide.  Krampus would miss the neighbor well at least his dog.  Also the warm little house, now he may have to sleep in a bog. He didn't lose much in the blaze, he had a storage locker they gave him a free thirty days.  Luckily a monster doesn't look odd compared to their regular customers.  Half of them already have horns and dress in assorted furs.  Our monster found a caved in and abandoned old mine.  Full of rats and spiders for Krampus it was just fine.  Nobody explored the caves afraid of the poison, deadly to people but to Krampus the effects were none.

Leaning from the sidecar Santa bashed mailboxes swinging a bat.  Krampus laughed and revved the motor making the fat man lose his hat.  The pair sailed down streets laughing and harassing kids and parents too.  You'd be horrified to see what they did at the zoo.  Parents were shocked when Santa flashed them the bird.  Who knew even Santa had heard it's the word.  Krampus bared his hairy rump; Saint Nick offered a Christmasy fist bump.  Elves looked on without a care, the last traces of Christmas jingling from the air.  It was the day afterword and the deed was done.  Now it was time for Santa and Krampus to have a little fun. The eleven more days and Boxing Day would have to wait.  The monster and Kringle didn't much care if they were late.

Krampus was a little evasive on the topic of his home and Santa didn't let on if he had known.  The monster began to relax and feeling Idunn had got off free.  It wasn't the same for him but it was a trade the monster made with glee.  He wouldn't hurt a hair on the girls head.  Krampus would happily live in exile instead.  All his work paid off the crimes washed clean.  If the elves though the monster merciful he would be a has been.  If The monster checked in on her he was always discreet.  Idunn never talked about monsters that lived on her street.  She seemed to know it was best to say none, even if she missed the monster and his Christmas fun.  But I like to think when she grew up she would warn her kids to keep a wary eye.  Always looking for a monster on a motorcycle that doesn't fly.

After all the Christmas party and new years was done, even Krampus grew tired of the Christmastide fun.  In January there was one more night that Krampus had to attend.  On Burn's night the Scot's marked the season at it's in.  Krampus Scottish host was Sasquatch out in the woods.  Bigfoot served haggis which Krampus was sure wasn't good. Compared to haggis even Lutefisk tasted sweet.  It seemed losing a dare the only reason to eat.  Few knew the Bigfoot was actually a Scot you would know by his accent if ever he was caught.  Sasquatch was gracious inviting Krampus into his home.  During the serving Bigfoot even recited a poem.  Then aspeech and several many toasts.  Krampus brought a few drams of scotch for his seldom seen host.

Our beast sighed sad with a toast to the lasses.  There were none and how Krampus hoped to pinch them on the asses.  Not since sausage in October was such a fest, but for a friend he made the best.  Krampus thanked Bigfoot and headed off for his cave, He still missed the dog house but it was a price he had paid.  And no more nights with lovely Ms. Deroon but worst of all was not to see Idunn.  The fire covered his tracks and in the confusion Idunn was spared.  Maybe this was redemption for the monster; if so he wouldn't care.  The blaze burned down the neighbor house, forcing me to move down south.  Oh didn't you know I was the neighbor and Krampus lived in my yard.  He wasn't a bad boarder living with him wasn’t too hard. Did Krampus go with us; no he found a place in the hills.  If you see him let me know, he hasn't paid all his bills.

Deroon, I heard she was married and had a kid, if it has horns they are well hid. The monster doesn't visit at least that I know.  But it’s hard for a monster to come and go.  Idunn? I think she still lives with her parent on that street, hoping to see Krampus again, sometimes leaving out meat.  Maybe she would see him streak across the yard, she thought she saw him once but in the dark seeing is hard.  She is a good girl, but Krampus wouldn't visit even if she was bad.  A monster losing a friend is very sad.
Krampus well he is still Krampus so be warned if you are bad, if he doesn't visit you should be glad.  He stalks the local playgrounds and shopping mall, preying on children at the end of fall.  This year Christmas will come with a curse, Krampus is coming, my final verse.

No comments: