Monday, November 12, 2012

Krampus for Christmas part 122: Clean up part 3

The monster was busy deep into the night, beating on bad kids windows to set them right.  He rounded up gangs of drunks to sing and wassail.  Krampus hired lone left out teens sending them to malls to assail.  They dressed like the monster looking for fun, grabbing pretty girls and then would run.  Krampus made sure Christmas included these punks, no one should be left out alone in a funk.  With much menace sewn Krampus tired headed home.  Content in his handiwork the beast stalked the streets alone.  With his wandering Krampus finally came upon a house that wasn't on his list.  Nothing on the good nor the bad; how were they missed.  Those who didn’t keep Christmas were safe from the monsters wrath, the monster would wish them a happy Kwanzaa and continue on his path.  But this house had a well decked tree, Krampus peered in wonder who could it be.  Looking in at the lights and winter decorating theme; Krampus looked at the family within the scene.  The kids Krampus didn't know both new to his eye.  But the parents the monster remember from times gone by. Krampus had visited the parents when they were young, visiting them more when their teenaged years had begun.  They had just sort of fallen off the lists many years ago.  Some decided Christmas was malarkey that had to go.  It seemed to be happening more with each passing year.  Soon there would be no kids to eat was a growing fear.  But there was a tree standing proud and tall.  This troubled Krampus he would need to bay Saint Nick a Call.  Were they back on the list and Krampus not up to speed, a better message system than reindeer was sorely in need.

It took three buses to get to the Mall. Then Krampus waited and waited in an employee bathroom stall.  Sometime after close the jolly elf entered with a tired groan, taking the stall next to Krampus's own.  Krampus got Santa's attention with a few bangs and a knock.  Thinking himself alone it gave Santa quite a shock.  Whispering Krampus told the tale. Santa promised to look into it without fail.  The beast was lucky the real Santa was working the mall near his home.  The neighbor didn't let the big beast use his phone.

Krampus walked home Hungry and confused.  Only thinking of grabbing a late night snack left the monster a little amused.  The air was a light drizzle and his sneaker had a hole.  Still a little foul weather would not stand between Krampus and his goal. The monster peered in windows for something to eat.  If not bad kids maybe a little spoiled meat.  The streets on this side of town looked sad and shabby.  The people too weren't Christmasy bur instead sort of crabby. Christmas wasn't always very fun for folks looking for money and finding none.  Even Krampus didn't feel a need to make these peoples season worse. Krampus caught a ride to the rich side of town in a hearse.  Krampus gave them loads of business this time of year.  The morticians were all glad Krampus was here.  They dropped him off in a better part of town, Krampus departing without a sound.  Around the houses Krampus crept silent like a cat. None of the bad kids were big boned or fat. Only grisly chauffeured little jerks.  Krampus wanted a double deck kids sandwich with sauerkraut and the works.   The only porker was kind and jolly, a delightful little fatso named Pauly.

Tonight Krampus would be forced to make do,  with a scrawny back talking bastard or two.  Down the chimney?  No not his style he kicked in the door with a smile. He told the parents what he was about and usually they handed the truants over without a shout. This time was different this time was fun; dad fought with Krampus and told the kids to run. It was odd pops was valiant when his kids rotten eggs. Sometimes even good parents end up with the dregs.  Krampus ran off from the fight, laughing and cackling into the night. Children were tasty but sausage was too and Harry's Hofbrau was open almost until two.

Some nights later after his rounds to the bad kids of town.  Krampus was tired and sore and very run down.  Sad of spirits out monster needed a drink.  Down to the corner to the lowest of dives all dark and full of beery stinks.  Here the monster was warm and the place full and merry.  Krampus ordered himself twelve Tom and Jerry's.  Slowly getting plastered the rest of the night.  Singing with the bar Christmas songs of childhood delight.  The beast stayed until last call and got one for the road to end it all.

They spilled upon the street couples and gangs and some singles lonely with heartbroken pangs.  Krampus was leaving when he heard a woman's words spoken in fear.  No granny or Lady's need worry when Krampus was near.  Down a dark alley a date ended poorly.  The girls No's changed the monsters mood sorely.  With a bound Krampus sprang to see what was the matter.  A woman pushed a man away while he pawed at her.  High on Christmas vengeance Krampus made the man bite the curb. Then a swishy switching along with screaming was heard.  Once twice the whipping was strong and even like the tide.  The villain wouldn't be sitting after the tanning of his hide.  Long after the beating he left with the lady, clinging to his arm.  She laughed and was happy despite herself from Krampus's ample charm.  Leaving her at her doorstep but asked to call again, nothing serious just to check on his new friend.

On some nights Krampus just watched TV by the fire at home.  Though usually a fire he set and the house not his own.  Our monster wasn't above arson to watch a favorite show and they only play A Christmas Story a few times you know.  Krampus was happy for Whoville when good turned the Grinch.  He thought Charlie’s sad little tree would do in a pinch.  The monster chimed along so angels got their wings.  He even watched a Cailliou Christmas though he hated the thing.

With a fire still blazing the cops came sirens singing loud.  Krampus lingered a little longer than he should watching Rudolph fly so proud.  A copper caught him in the head with a billy club; knocking out the monster like a little cub.  It took three officers to load Krampus into their truck.  Krampus came too smelling horses and muck.  Locked in the beast sadly howled; joined by a chorus of dogs returning he yowl. 

The cops led Krampus through the station thinking him a bum.  He would remember this for coal in the stocking each and every one.  Once Santa chained the Krampus but police shackles wouldn't work.  The monster tore them apart with the smallest little jerk.  All the papers filed they led him to a cell, it was wet and cold and he didn't like the smell.  But in Krampus went and didn't even yell.  Some hours later Krampus ripped off the door. Being quiet and listening for the Sargent’s snore. Krampus crept out on a soft padded foot; but sometimes with a cloppy clop coming from his hoof.  His jail break was a success no thanks to old fat Saint Nick.  He may have been his partner but sometimes he was a prick.   Krampus walked home sneaking all the way, Get back to his little house a few hours before light of day.

The morning after his incarceration Krampus prowled about the yard.  He thought of Ms Deroon whom he saved at his local bar.  She worked at the school a mile down the road.  If Krampus put her on his own naughty list no one would know.  School was still in session but the monster didn't care.  Love on different schedules never was fair.  Krampus broke down the door, storming into the room; throwing over a table which landed with a boom!  Some kids fled in terror others shrieked in fright.  It was only Idunn who squealed in delight.  He gave only a glance bounding toward Miss Deroon.  He hefted her up and sprang from the room.  To the window tearing up the sash, it exploded with a crash.  Miss Teacher had been bad and Krampus had the cure. It was a punishment she would enjoy, of that be sure.  It wasn't the date she envisioned after Krampus saved her at the bar, but it was one she liked more by far.

The teacher rolled over throwing an arm over the brute; it was a wild night there was to be no refute!  Miss Deroon stroked Krampus's furry chest, her night with the savage monster had been her best.  Clothes cast about the room or torn into shreds, she wondered if she'd need a new bed.  She happily laughed with Krampus stroking her hair in his paws.  For a monster he was gentle never scratching her with his wicked claws.  Krampus tongue drooped out as it often did; she enjoyed this too under the covers where they hid.  Then the beast fried up eggs; breakfast was important to start the day.  With a hug and kiss they each were on their way.

The morning after the night with Miss Deroon left Krampus brooding stewing in gloom.  The incident with the tree didn't go as Krampus hoped.  He just couldn't scare this girl, away he moped.  She even cheered when the monster stormed her class.  Laughing and giggling when he took the teacher for his lass.  Where did this one get off being so brave, it was an insult the monster would take to his grave.  One little girl that liked the brute, now stuck with a friendship he couldn't refute.  Now instead of talking through she hopped over the fence; looking the beast eye to eye without even a wince.  She even helped hang the little lights.  A kid helping Krampus; boy Santa would laugh at the sight.  She liked Christmas too it’s something all kids do, but Idunn loved it like the beast.  Not only presents but the lights, tree, and feast.  She loved her family coming from near and far, even the uncle that lived at the bar.  She even have an eye for decking the halls, also she brought Krampus her mother's Christmas cheese balls. After being filled with treats Krampus didn't much mind this kid he couldn't eat.  She even had a nice backhand with the whip, good follow through and a solid grip.

After a few visits and some time, Krampus actually started not to mind.  Idunn helped and the beast had plenty to do.  He needed many more switches and a cane or two.  Without the girls help the work might never get through.  She even figured out what the record player was all about.  Idunn was too young and her parents didn't care for vinyl.  They hated those horrid hipsters that much is final.  But the girl treated the monsters records with a ginger hand, and thought his choice in music was perfectly grand.  Sometimes they even sang together changing the words, something about the bat mobile losing wheels I've heard.

When Krampus asked Idunn if she sent a list to Saint Nick; she decided she would just give it to Krampus it would be more quick.  She even asked if he could come down the chimney instead and eat up cookies whilst she slept in bed.  The idea was so sweet the monster started to blush, but being a big monster he was much too plush.  And so the Beast, Krampus, had made a friend.  This being rare for a monster he was loyal to the end.  He told Idunn of old Christmases untold; bringing the girl into Yule tides exclusive fold.  Krampus documented the long history of lights around the house, from Edison to general electric on through Westinghouse. Illuminating his secrets for decking the bows, giving her all the whys and how’s.  The monster even gave Idunn copies from his cooking book; though some called for awful ingredients it’s best not to look.  Idunn passed along to mommy those more plain.  Her mommy tried a few but her efforts were in vain. Krampus even once gave the girl a hug.  He was stiff and awkward squishing Idunn like a pug.  But she laughed and didn't once cry.  Krampus tearing up a little but said he had something in his eye.

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