Friday, November 30, 2012

Game Review: Wings of Glory
We tried out Wings of Glory last night.  It was Ok I guess but like any space, flying or driving game I had trouble with the movement.  Anything that where you can't just stand and turn around I suck at. 

All in all the game seemed alright.  I liked the movement mechanic in that there was no magic movement that occurs in table to miniatures.  You use cards and place them on your models base then move your model so that it matches up with the movement card.  It seemed very measured the no one was given a clear upper hand by cheating.  We were using the most basic version of the rules so just getting used to firing arcs and flying.  So far that seemed pretty easy I am glad we didn't dive full into something with ECM yoyos and whatever else star wars offers.  You just gave the enemy one or two damage cards depending on range.  They were shot down if the damage equaled their planes hit points.

In playing it sort of became apparent that the different minis all had different movement cards which sort of allowed one of our players some extra cool tricks.  This is a bit of a problem for me in that the game seems to encourage players to get the planes they like rather than having a point cost per plane.  I think it would have helped if we were all playing on even footing.  In our game the allies were trashed by the Germans, in some part because the German plans had a total of four more hit points.  Seems like there should be some assigned point cost and lower value planes should get a little something extra for fighting higher value planes .

I think the game was good but looks like it could get expensive if you really got into it, also the planes were a little small so I was a bit nervous playing with them but I am big and often break things.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Genie XXL Christmas Tree Stand

This is a bit of a pricy investment but one worth every penny if you hate dealing with old crappy tree stands.  In the past I have had all sorts of tree related problems from falling over to a year we had two trees due to one dying completely.  No More with the Genie XXL.  Set up is a one person job now.  I just stick the tree in and ask if it is straight then a few stops on the lever and it is finished.  Its so easy I love this thing. The water capacity is amazing on this thing too.  You can slosh in gallons of water.  I don't know how to do things where I get money out of products I endorse and usually just bitch about stuff so I get nothing out of this.  I just love the product.  It is the one aspect of Christmas I really dread and now its totally easy.  So here is a link for you to pick up this wonderful product.

Ok being a QA Engineer there is one problem with this thing, It is really hard to fill because of its shape.  you really have to get under the tree and its hard.  But i have a solution for you, the Christmas Tree Funnel.  If you get one of these the problem is solved.  You can just stick it in the base and fill with ease.  You can find them on line, I got mine at the Bataglia tree farm I go to.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Toy Review: Suction cup dart gun

Always a favorite toy was the good olde dart gun.  This was something I had numerous versions of.   The picture was one that had soft rubberized darts.  Mine was red and orange but this was the nearest picture I could find.

This version of the toy was a bit flawed the darts had pretty limited weight being safe and didn't do a good job sticking.  Also you needed to cock the thing, which was not the case with the plastic shafted darts.  With those you could just cram the dart down the barrel and the spring was compressed and ready to go.  But i guess safety is important somehow.

Its a same that these toys have disappeared from the toy store, it seems like a bit of my childhood is gone.  I suppose parents worry about the combative nature of the toys, though Nerf guns are everywhere.  These are often only sold at the grocery story.

To go off on a tangent of missing toys.  What ever happened to models?  They used to be a big part of Toys R Us but now they are gone completely.  Modeling seems like a legit skill people should have, working with their hands and stuff like that.  I think the age range of models may have been swallowed up by video games but crap we need handy people.  Please get your kids some modelling crap, even if its 40K miniatures.  but better still a scale engine.  I can't do that crap and need someone to fix my car sometimes.

Anyway dart guns and toy guns in general were great.  I loved these thing and loved shooting the windows of my parents cars so they would stick.  A real shame has occurred.  Where are all the toy six shooters and kids pretending to be cowboys?  I Bon Jovi the only cowboy left riding on a steel horse with his six string by his side?

Toy Review: Shogun Warrior
These giant toys from Japan by way of Mattel were an odd combination of awesome and lame, but I think awesome wins out in the end.  They were huge which made them great but also hard to play with.  There were five inch metal toys in the the line which you could run around with but it was hard to do much with these giant plastic monstrosities.  Also you were going to be hard pressed to find other toys in the same scale to have the battle with.  You were pretty dependent on having a friend with one or two of them.  I had this guy Draguun and Mazinga.

These were 70's era toys that actually launched things coming out before the kid choked to death.  Draguun hurled freaking axes and had a throwing star launcher that you could wear yourself, which what even more bad ass.  Mazinga launched missile fingers like bullets. This made up for the lack of real articulation as these guys only moved their arms and turned their heads.

They are outrageously expensive now so collecting is only for the well to do.  There is a new stormtrooper that is pretty awesome too.  I think it was on think geek for awhile you may have to hunt it down a bit.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Krampus for Christmas part 125: clean up part 6

The morning before Christmas eve Krampus worked without reprieve.  He shoved up dog crap with a Christmas filled Delight.  He would toss them down Chimneys later on that night.  A special present for those who made Santa mad, filled with extra tidings joyous and glad.  Hurry filled the cool air of a day filled with Christmas toil.  Krampus had much to do and still needed to boil the oil.  Knives must be sharpened and claws must be dirty.  The elves would be here sharply at six thirty.  Idunn peaked over the fence while he was entrenched in his tasks.  The monster was busy draining pus into flasks.  Idunn asked but Krampus said she didn't want to know, but said it added a contagious element to the show.  He told her of all his work and said this time she couldn’t help, after all she was a girl not an elf.   She wished Krampus a happy Christmas then went back in where it was warm.  The girl’s parents  still knew nothing of the beast or his horns.

Krampus chewed on a bone then gave it to the dog.  He stretched and limbered, warming up for the kids he would flog.  He did some deep bends then touched his toes; Christmas wasn't a time for cramps when you rained down blows.   It wasn't quit dark when the fat man sleighed through the yard, Ho ho'ing to Krampus the fat tub of lard.  Krampus was a monster and monsters don't use sleighs, instead he drove a motorbike with a side car to make is way.  Santa thought it slow but seeing only bad kids there were fewer stops; not counting the years the economy drops.

With Santa so busy, Krampus worked with an elf on Christmas Eve. This elf wasn't Hermie though he was interested in teeth.  He hoped to pull them from kids and make a wreath.  He never though himself Krampus he wouldn't dare, he just hoped to be a fitting heir.  They called him Piet in his wintry home, few wanted to meet him when alone.  On Christmas he radioed Krampus if there was a change of plans.  They had their own frequency not using citizen bands.  If a house turned bad, or rarely good, Krampus radioed back that he heard and understood

The night of Christmas went off without a hitch.  Krampus took pity on a couple of tots and left them crying in a ditch.  Except for that small glimmer of remorse the monster was the fury of the north.  The beast kicked in doors and stormed off with children.  There was no city that kids were safe in.  Santa commended Krampus at the end of the night.  This year he really had sewn some fright.  With the work finished Krampus finally headed home, a solitary monster now not so happy to be alone.  He would be happy to again see Idunn, but not now or morning he'd sleep until noon. She would have presents and parents make such a fuss, maybe he could see her late after dusk.  

With a buzz the radio told him of a change of plans, another for the naughty list, more work at hand.  He was tired and groaned at the call. The elves assured it was near his home and the child small.  Krampus already full rocked his stomach to make some room. He was glad the night would be over soon.  When he arrived at the address something stuck in his throat. This was Idunn's house he checked and rechecked the note.  Did he write the numbers bad, this can't be right he was mad!  Then the monster thought of her little hand turning the rack and worried crept up his back. Was he to blame for her downward turn, the notion hurt like a burn.   This wasn't right Krampus cried, searching the sky for a sleigh that flied.  You don't make a friend and then chew her up; Krampus tears could have filled a cup.  He roared and moaned but also thought, and a glimmer of an idea must have been caught. Krampus wasn't crafty but simple and direct, and this plan was something he needed to be correct.  No kicking in the door no menacing roar; this had to be sly as the fat man breaking into your house, cold as a cat playing with a mouse.

There was evidence that he need gone, there had to be no trace at the end of this con.  He didn't know what the neighbor had seen but the monster needed to get away clean. Maybe a fire the big beast thought, He could say he wanted the girl flame broiled if he was caught.  Krampus could burn out the neighbor and say wrong address, and then maybe Idunn would be out of this mess.  He wouldn't eat her, this much he knew, but still he worried what would he do?

Krampus smashed a bottle of beer and tried to set it alight, being a monster he wasn't aware it needed more alcohol to ignite.  With work he set the fence on fire roasting nuts on the open flame.  Soon the neighbor’s house spared up blazing much the same.  The beast Laughed loud shouting for all to hear, but secretly hurrying the dog to safety, have no fear.  His cries awoke the street and of course Idunn.  Krampus's monstrous form silhouetted against the moon.  Some gasped in terror some pass out others just wondered what the noise was about.  But soon everyone knew a monster preyed upon the block.  For most it was sort of a shock.  Krampus smiling as flames destroyed the neighbor’s house. Running off he grabbed a lady tearing open her blouse.  He left with a swat on her ass, her hen pecked husband just cowered as she gasped.  When Krampus ran off some tried to give chase, they were fast but couldn't keep pace.  The monster hoped fenced and yards.  Keeping up was very hard. Some of the bravest tried to repel the attack, but the mighty Krampus lashed and they recoiled back.  Limbs broken the monster laughed without mercy, right there in the street were anyone could see.  Cover and subtly cast aside, Krampus loose all his fury deep from inside. Windows were broken this would be Krampus's great art.  Clean up would take forever no matter how soon they start.  Working weekends with brooms and rakes.  Krampus stormed off shouting "Enjoy your Christmas cakes!"

The town burning Krampus watched from afar, this was carnage beyond pare.  Santa would admonish and reign the beast in; but wouldn't know it was all to save a friend.  Krampus glazed into the flames with growing pride.  Idunn was safe even if he needed a new place to hide.  Krampus would miss the neighbor well at least his dog.  Also the warm little house, now he may have to sleep in a bog. He didn't lose much in the blaze, he had a storage locker they gave him a free thirty days.  Luckily a monster doesn't look odd compared to their regular customers.  Half of them already have horns and dress in assorted furs.  Our monster found a caved in and abandoned old mine.  Full of rats and spiders for Krampus it was just fine.  Nobody explored the caves afraid of the poison, deadly to people but to Krampus the effects were none.

Leaning from the sidecar Santa bashed mailboxes swinging a bat.  Krampus laughed and revved the motor making the fat man lose his hat.  The pair sailed down streets laughing and harassing kids and parents too.  You'd be horrified to see what they did at the zoo.  Parents were shocked when Santa flashed them the bird.  Who knew even Santa had heard it's the word.  Krampus bared his hairy rump; Saint Nick offered a Christmasy fist bump.  Elves looked on without a care, the last traces of Christmas jingling from the air.  It was the day afterword and the deed was done.  Now it was time for Santa and Krampus to have a little fun. The eleven more days and Boxing Day would have to wait.  The monster and Kringle didn't much care if they were late.

Krampus was a little evasive on the topic of his home and Santa didn't let on if he had known.  The monster began to relax and feeling Idunn had got off free.  It wasn't the same for him but it was a trade the monster made with glee.  He wouldn't hurt a hair on the girls head.  Krampus would happily live in exile instead.  All his work paid off the crimes washed clean.  If the elves though the monster merciful he would be a has been.  If The monster checked in on her he was always discreet.  Idunn never talked about monsters that lived on her street.  She seemed to know it was best to say none, even if she missed the monster and his Christmas fun.  But I like to think when she grew up she would warn her kids to keep a wary eye.  Always looking for a monster on a motorcycle that doesn't fly.

After all the Christmas party and new years was done, even Krampus grew tired of the Christmastide fun.  In January there was one more night that Krampus had to attend.  On Burn's night the Scot's marked the season at it's in.  Krampus Scottish host was Sasquatch out in the woods.  Bigfoot served haggis which Krampus was sure wasn't good. Compared to haggis even Lutefisk tasted sweet.  It seemed losing a dare the only reason to eat.  Few knew the Bigfoot was actually a Scot you would know by his accent if ever he was caught.  Sasquatch was gracious inviting Krampus into his home.  During the serving Bigfoot even recited a poem.  Then aspeech and several many toasts.  Krampus brought a few drams of scotch for his seldom seen host.

Our beast sighed sad with a toast to the lasses.  There were none and how Krampus hoped to pinch them on the asses.  Not since sausage in October was such a fest, but for a friend he made the best.  Krampus thanked Bigfoot and headed off for his cave, He still missed the dog house but it was a price he had paid.  And no more nights with lovely Ms. Deroon but worst of all was not to see Idunn.  The fire covered his tracks and in the confusion Idunn was spared.  Maybe this was redemption for the monster; if so he wouldn't care.  The blaze burned down the neighbor house, forcing me to move down south.  Oh didn't you know I was the neighbor and Krampus lived in my yard.  He wasn't a bad boarder living with him wasn’t too hard. Did Krampus go with us; no he found a place in the hills.  If you see him let me know, he hasn't paid all his bills.

Deroon, I heard she was married and had a kid, if it has horns they are well hid. The monster doesn't visit at least that I know.  But it’s hard for a monster to come and go.  Idunn? I think she still lives with her parent on that street, hoping to see Krampus again, sometimes leaving out meat.  Maybe she would see him streak across the yard, she thought she saw him once but in the dark seeing is hard.  She is a good girl, but Krampus wouldn't visit even if she was bad.  A monster losing a friend is very sad.
Krampus well he is still Krampus so be warned if you are bad, if he doesn't visit you should be glad.  He stalks the local playgrounds and shopping mall, preying on children at the end of fall.  This year Christmas will come with a curse, Krampus is coming, my final verse.

Toy Review: Robotix
This was a pretty cool idea that never really turned into anything.  I guess the idea was a building toy mixed with action figure line.  I say this because their was a figure and cock pit in my set.  I suppose you were intended to play space missions in robotic walkers and such.

The toys has all sorts of bases and wheels and what not.  The connections were some sort of female hex receptor that you just pushed male ends into, its all very erotic.  The thing that made these things move was the servo pieces. These were connected via a yellow cable back to a control box that had a series of rocker switches.  You press left and the servo spun left and right it spun right. I guess these cables also provided power to the servos as well. I know that the batter packs were not integrated into the control box which was a bit of a problem with my set.  I had the Argus set you will see below, which had all the batteries in a big block that was intended to be used as part of the machinery.    This served to present any drive motion in the toy as it was so heavy it couldn't move or if it was able to move it could only move a foot or two before the cables were at full length, and any more movement would pull the things own plug.

Cool idea that i think was better realized in the lego mind storm products.  Could have been better with a few extra long control cables or modern uses of radio control

Monday, November 26, 2012


I can't seem to figure out how to be strong anymore. 
There are things I just want to run and hide from
and pretend they are gone. 
Phone calls that I just don't want to make
or even pick up to see whats on the other end. 
Christmas shopping trips that should be good
but I feel a grey lining on all my silver clouds. 
Some ticking clock running away
but I see the damage done with every visit. 
The worrying longing hiding in everyone who touches it. 
It's all on hold and I don't get why your planning.
I wish it was just me in pain
Something I could understand and hold deep.
I wish could protect you from it and just me hurt.
But that's simple and this one isn't
Its a hurt that un makes us hole.
Something beyond you or me and bites through to us.

Giving the gift or Role Playing

This year I want you to give the gift of gaming, not just gaming but Role playing.  This is a post not for the avid gamer but for people who stumble upon my site and have little to no idea what gaming is or why its great.

I want to start out by talking to any Christian folks who still have reservations about games like D&D.  Don't be stupid !  Most of these games are 100% about heroics and good defeating evil.  Also gaming is sort of like the internet, there are dangerous places but knowing what your kids are doing will prevent any wrong turns.  Also if you take something like World of Warcraft into account that is actually far worse than table top gaming.  Have you seen the chat that occurs on those games or heard the Ventrillo guild speak coming over your kids head phones.  I am on those games I know, I swear like a sailor and am very creative chat filters are powerless against me. 

Lets take all that against an evening of gaming.  These game take place in someone's house where they can be monitored.  The kids are home and not running around breaking into some abandoned novitiate or something.  The content of the games is nearly always a group of wholesome adventures defeating a great evil.  Really this is a parents wet dream!

Also looking at the cost of these things you can do a lot worse.  You can get into role playing for the cost of a new video game.  All you need is the core rule book, some weird looking dice and a pencil.  This is about the same cost as a modern board game and will only get you started on a collectible card game.  War gaming , role playing games most related hobby, can not even be considered without about a 100$ investment.  The difference here is you have possibilities limited only by the imagination on this investment. 

In Role playing on person serves as a storyteller/ referee, it is often this persons job to come up with the plot line of the game.  Its up to them what can be imagined and played.  There are often products you can buy that provide pre made stories ready for play but they are in no way needed for play.  The best of these storytellers will not think of using one of these pre made products.  You can even tailor games to certain types of play.  Christian parents if you want no magic and want to focus on biblical battles you can certainly do this.  If you want to play vikings or Samurai you can do this too, you often just have to find the right game.

So with you all convinced I am sure you are asking how do I do this.  Well you are going to need a game and dice.  Your best bet is going to be to look online through amazon or yelp for a local gaming store.  Most of these places have game in the name so any results like Gator Games and Game Kastle are good.  Those place have weird and smell people that can help you.  Often these specialized game stores are only in large metro areas, you may need to look for hobby shops and call around.  If you are unable to locate any stores let me help you with a couple of online options.  Here is a nice cheap set of dice on amazon

For the game I would recommend something from the Palladium company.  Their games or simple and very easy to understand.  They also offer a huge variety of genres you can play in.  If you are thinking of fantasy like lord of the rings, then the Palladium Fantasy Role playing game is a great choice.  If you are thinking of Sci fi give their Rifts product a try.  Both products are simple, Dungeons and Dragons really isn't simple.  It is easy to get a handle on if you go to one of the many in store games that are held.  But if you are picking up a game for the first time, reading it and trying to run it, Palladium is a great choice for you. 

Best of all they are running a special Christmas grab bag special right now.  If you click here you will be taken to their store.  In your wish list type in Fantasy Core Rulebook or Rifts Core Rulebook and put new to gaming in the notes and you should end up with loads or extras along with your purchase.

Toy Review: Zartan with Chameleon swamp skier

Boy this was one everyone sort of wanted until a couple of us got one.  Awesome in description sort of lame in person.  Zartan changed colors in sun light like those Hypercolor Tshirts. He came with a mask or two that fit neatly into his cowl and of course his smooth ride.

The ride in question was the Chameleon swamp skier which was crap.  It was designed to be taken apart and look like junk, it looked like junk all the time.  Like a cereal box quality ski bike toy or something.

I am not really sure who zartan was supposed to fool.  Who is the guy in the cowl and maroon s&m clothes?  Why is he wearing body armor that shows his chest?  Dude get that guy away from the school cobra or not hes a freak.

Christmas time (Don't let the bells end)

Well Christmas season starts and it already I am despondent.  You do all you can to give your kids this dream of Christmas and there are these moments you feel it through them.  But there is large hole I the other times.  Denise feels it with her family being far away I feel it with other things.  Time speeding by and everything feels pushed to be memorable, and there are no quiet moments to just enjoy things. 

Some of it is feeling we have no friends to just come over and enjoy Christmas without any need to be there.  No party or whatever just dinner or whatever.  Sometimes I consider moving, Denise has mentioned it lately.  I think she feels her family is all on the east coast so want to be with them.  for me I feel as alone in a group of them as by myself, no actually I have video game so by myself is easier.  I guess I am the sort that just feels out of place everywhere there people are.

Then you all the fun of the Christmas season, and I don't know where to start.  Christmas in the park felt like a sea of people and random street vendors last time we went.  My Daughter was more interested in the butterfly wand she got, the exhibits were ignored.  There is no snow here in the bay.  Even Krampus seems a little depressed but the mood I have going right now. 

Presents seem so forced.  We don't see these people for years and send presents, why?  With the adults it reminds me of my friends Mom and uncle sending twenty dollars back and forth for years.  Just swapping and swapping with only the bills changing.  I have bought myself everything I want there really is no need.  Maybe it would just be best to give to the needy.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Toy Review: Bristle Blocks

These were one of the building toys I had instead of Legos.  They were fun enough but a bit limited.  Some shapes were impossible and wheels were right out.  I remember being a big fan of making ray guns with the yellow hole piece serving as the trigger.

All in all this was Ok, but not the best building toy.  I remember the tines breaking fairly easily and parts for of wearing out fairly quickly.  Legos, Lincoln Logs and Erector are at a distinct longevity advantage.

There was actually a building toy I had that I can't seem to find any info on that sparked this post.  It was  toy where you used little pipes and connectors to build things.  It looked very similar to PlaySkools giant Pipeworks Toy.  Only on a small scale.  It  also had more base parts that the pipes connected to that were terrible to step on.  You think Lego are bad these would actually impale you. I remember the set was somehow related to marvel super heros, having these terrible spider man and hulk figures and it had instructions to build a plane.

Summing up the Bristle Blocks, they are good for young kids and easy to work with.  But pretty limited compared to better building sets that are out there.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Toy Review: Suckerman
Yet that says it all.  One of the stupidest toys of all and I totally had one.  I don't understand my youthful self.  This is freaking lame in every way.  I had some idea that it would stick to everything when i was a kid like some sort of awesome wacky wall walker but no.  It pretty much stuck to mirrors and windows and only if you licked it.  It seemed like it was supposed to stretch like stretch armstrong too, he stretches to next week. But this didn't I think there was some sort of false marketing going on here, suggesting that it was fun or cool or something.  I remember getting some cocktail sword skewers that i could put in the little holds that were on the back of the reverse suckers and sort of could play with it.  but all in all Suck says it all.

Toy Review: Star War Hoth Imperial Attack Base
This was one of those toys in the star wars line that really had nothing to do with the movies.  It is supposed to be an imperial base, well there were no bases in the movie.  They just landed and kicked ass.  This is supposed to be the other side of the story.  The rebels coming in an kicking the snow troopers butts.  I guess some sort of wish fulfillment for kids since the movie was sort of dark.

The toy came with nothing so you had to provide all the figures. They came out with a bunch of these things for The Empire Strikes Back.  I think the ice was easy to sculpt and they were cashing out on stupid kids like me.  The thing was sort of cool i guess.  It had lots of actions that could occur lame as they were.  You could level the ice bridge and destroy the building .  There were a couple of places that allowed you to press a button and sent your figure falling over.  They barely stood up most of the time so a bit of plastic popping up on a rocker would send them flying. It was big though loads of plastic.  My friends and I played with it a few times, i used it a fair amount as an only child.  I guess that is the market for playsets as only kids have to do all the playing for themselves.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Toy Review: Rubber Band Board
I was thinking about reviewing Lite Brite but whats the point really.  Everyone knows Lite Brite is cool and what it is.  I went to a school called Laneview Elementary when I was a child.  It was over in the Berryessa region of San Jose, meaning not the best side of town.  There was a lite brite in some lab room but it was a pretty price toy for our side of town.  What we had loads of were these Rubber Band Boards.  They are basically a board with rows of nails.    They allow you to make patterns with rubber bands.

I remember these being used when talking about basic geometry for the most part, but I suspect any time the teacher was tired they were busted out.  I loved them though i never could figure out the start snowflake pattern i was trying for.  I think being a introvert I didn't rush up and demand all the rubber bands I needed to transfer my vision to board.

All in all a lot of fun and probably more fun these days as a simple wood working project would be really adventurous for kids and parents these days.

De Profundis: An Exotic Evening

My fellow gentlemen

The acts participated in Crowleys rites are both foul and depraved.  Barring the haunts that have troubled my residence I would deem his coven nothing more than a love cult.  Couplings unnatural occurred before my eyes! My dismay served more a drool amusement to the patriarch of these affairs, Crowley himself.

The eve began banal in contrast to the events that would follow.  A meeting of various parties discussing the goings of the day.  The wine was pleasant, though Tuscan, and the open grove of trees where this transpired of mild temperament.  A dinning table awaited the quests set with fresh fruit acquired from exotic shores, displayed in a show of opulence.  This was all very unexpected after my visit to the low quarters Mr. Crowly maintained, and I expect a farce of wealth.  The other participants bore the manners of the well breeding and family money.  Though this can also be said of Crowley himself.

The dinning was the first sign of the direction the night would turn.  Many exotic meats were arrayed before me, but most peculiar was a live macaque held in an elaborate wicker box which served to restrain the animals head.  Guest were invited to smash open the poor animals skull and partake of the still warm brain flesh.  I did not indulge myself of these delicacy, faining myself an anti vivisectionist as advised by Mathers. 

This served to only well Crowley's interest.  He grew almost physically excited with my further revealing my chastity as the evening progressed.  His interest at first seemed the yearning to see me defile myself in his revelry, but I began to understand he saw me as a rare tool that could be used.  For what I can only conjecture.

I followed one couple whom left early claiming a weakness to the night air and fearing a chill.  My escape now finds me awaiting Mather and Yeats return to my residence.

Yours very truly
J.L. Reichl

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Toy Review: Gi Joe APC
This was another big goofy toy my mom got so she wouldn't have my toys laying around.  This is a toy troop transport ala 40k's Chimera.  As a toy its pretty much phoned in.  You can just drive it around and sort of point the turret at things.  I am not even sure it had the awesome action trailer hitch that the Vamp and Mobat did.

The things was designed to hold tons of figures.  There is seating positions and standing pegs for several figures.  Which would be cool for someone old enough to really take care of their stuff, I just held the thing by the handle/bumper and tossed all my figures in.   I mean when you mom is pissed at you for making a mess are you really going to place all your figures in carefully?  Really compared to the collectors display case this is very cool as its sort of a toy i guess.  I should have had some sort of compartment to hold  guns and backpacks but that was a minor oversight.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Krampus for Christmas part 124: Clean up part 5

Days later Krampus made a special visit to a special house on his list; the kids and parents that had for many years been missed.  The monster hoped for some hint of redemption but expected to see none.  He hunted through the trash for evidence, even more angry when he was done. Candle carousel angels picked out and thrown with the junk, peering in he saw the now unheavenly toy spinning on a trunk.  Krampus watched not knowing what to do; it would take some time for his vengeance to be through.

Krampus clawed at the windows menacing the kids, in terror looking outside, Krampus cast only a shadow monstrously whilst he hid.  Later scrapping glass with hideous huge claws, children fled in horror waking parents to inform the law.  The Beast disappeared for a moment; hoping their mad parents would do his work.  But these were the sort that didn't spank bad children, you know the type, jerks.  Well tucked in with water, told it was only dreams; Krampus smiled in their windows delighting in their screams.  They made Dad check for prowlers all through the yard.  Krampus left a present that Daddy stepped in runny not at all hard.  Garden hose washing his foot proved to be a chore, He didn't notice our monster slipping in the door.  The next morning the house was a mess, Krampus had out done himself but it was only a start I must confess.  Stockings were filled with gifts no one liked, the monster had disassembled the kids new riding bikes.  Krampus sat on the pillows without any shorts. It would give you pink eye and probably warts.  Then he stopped up the sink and let the water run.  He saw it once in a movie and thought it would be fun.  He places a fair angel at the top of the tree, a dazzling heavenly beauty for all to see. To the carousel Krampus returned the angels rescued from the trash. Finally leaving he threw open the door with a crash.

Even with lessons some folks don't learn and sooner than later another visit was earned.  Krampus again waited deep in the night, to catch the family in solstice eve’s delight.  This time he took the chimney breaking it apart, then bursting in like Santa only evil and dark.  The fire cracked with a bright Krampus plume then burning logs flew into the room.  Idunn watched from the sidecar of the cycle outside; using a few blankets to keep warm and hide.  She laughed at the screams emitting from the home and the cracks and crunches of Krampus breaking their bones. She wasn't vicious or at all mean, but she rooted for Krampus she was part of his team.  She didn't really understand what it was she saw, but cheered for the monster with a giant foam paw.

Krampus cackled grabbing the boy, taking a bite for his ear with pugilistic joy.  Next he grabbed the girl caning her ass, this year she had been a bitchy condescending young lass.   Daddy was punched and knocked out his wind; Mommy took a switch right in the end.  Their phone list at last Krampus took, to visit their friends according to the book.  Lastly Krampus set up a manger then strolled out the door, after all it was the reason Christmas was for.  Again in the yard Krampus places a Christmas scene; with Jesus in nativity all glowing in saintly sheen. Mary and Joseph stood nearly four foot tall.  Hand carved by Krampus not the crap you get at the mall. The beast was Bavarian and woodwork in his soul. Even Santa elves would be proud of his toil.  Lights shone like a beacon calling onlookers there.  To wonder at the jolly house and the Christmas in the air. He stole a donkey and a couple of merry pigs, corralling them in the yard quit impressive digs.  Idunn helped with the outside manger scene.  Then she and Krampus road off after making sure they were not seen.  Hopping on his bike and kick starting with a jerk, the neighbors would soon behold their work.  Fleeing the scene the monster smiled proud tearing off with the motor running loud.  Krampus made sure to get her back to her bed. Approving of her work with a pat on the head.

Krampus held a few managers in a hole for a few weeks.  It was dark with spiders and long ago started to reek.  The monster whipped them every few nights, those the only moments they saw light. In a meeting they decided no party for the Yule, the reason; the economy had been very cruel.  Wisely giving themselves a raise for all the money they had saved. None thought of spending their own dime.  The workers would understand, they would be fine. They denied a small Christmas thanks, a crime Krampus thought rank.  This wasn't charity it was earned and Krampus's monstrous fury burned.  The Beast rounded up the villains.  Lashing entitled asses until blood was spillin.  One soiled himself for which Krampus took a kidney, mailing it overnight to a dialysis patient in Sydney.  Some nights the monster tied one to the rack, other times he beat one in a sack.  But every night taking time to explain the cause and reason for their pains. Those who worked hard seldom received thanks, all while these scum moved up through the ranks.  Their rise was on others backs; people with skill something all of them lacked.  The beast told Christmas was already earned in the year.  It was already due he shouted in their ears.  Krampus grabbed a fat one by the tie and decked him hard in the eye.   

Every now and then Idunn came along, Krampus let her swing the whip but she wasn't very strong.  Even the captives thought it was cute, a nice reprieve from the brute.  She was too little to crank the rack, even to see she had to ride on Krampus back.  The monster worried a little the girl may go bad, boy Santa would be really mad. But he was happy and didn't worry of lists and continued lancing the evil managers like infected cysts.  Krampus always made sure Idunn was safely home, and then returned to his backyard to argue with the dog over a bone.  The worst of his work he saved when the girl was away.  That's when the beast really got to play.  Breaking arms and cracking ribs; even forcing them to listen to music of the brothers Gibb.  He saved most scorn for one named Rajesh a petty tyrant who said his team thought he was the best.  The bastard risked his neck for none always looking out for number one.  He would never have thanked even when due, that piece of crap went into Krampus's stew. The rest he released after much beating.  Some he even forced them to partake in the stew eating.  They ran home looking over a shoulder all the way and did better at Christmas the rest of their days.

Toy Review: Hot Wheels Garage
This was something I ended up with because my mom was sick of my toy cars being all over the place.  It was a little car centric shopping center that folded up to hold a bunch of your cars.

Looking at the picture I have no idea what the grey thing is but the tan city is what i am talking about here.  It was pretty fun with a little car wash that you could run your cars through, its the orange roofed structure in the picture.  There was a filling station and a couple of garage doors to go in and our of .  A car park and a nice ramp to run your cars down.

I remember being excited and let down because this was packaged with the smokey and the bandit fire bird.  A car all my friends were looking for and seemed to disappear quickly.  While it did come with a fire bird it was blue with light blue bird on the hood.  Not the black with yellow bird that everyone was looking for.  It was a kick in the balls for a kid expecting the ream McCoy.  Who knows it probably it the rare one now that everyone tries to get like the tall blue Snaggletooth.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Krampus for Christmas part 123: Clean up part 4

The neighborhood was alive with folks wandering about.  All singing to each other most sounded as if pained by gout.  With all the caroling and shopping Krampus paid a visit to the mall.  The monster loved carols but the singing left him appalled.  For Krampus plans a lone monster was too few for the task; so he rounded up young men and gave each a mask.  They all had furry suites, chains and a bell.  Now Krampus had an army of Krampusse to raise a little hell.  The monsters stormed the Spencer's and Orange Julius stores; spanking all the maidens dressed up like little whores.  The young children for the most part were spared, but if they weren't their parents wouldn't have cared.  In line for Santa they were mostly brats and deserved a few swings from the Krampusse's bats. When Security finally came Krampus gave a call and the band of shaggy outlaws fled the mall.

Fleeing Krampus spied Idunn in line, waiting for Santa her parents glowering from behind.  The little girl's smile lighted her parent’s gloom, Papa stepping between the beast and Idunn.  Krampus smiled a fang filled grin then knocked over a big trash bin.  Her parents wondered, looking down at the little girl.  Mommy nearly fainted when Idunn's smile started to curl.   Mommy was about to ask how she knew the giant brute, just then the elves hauled Idunn up to the fat man in the suit.  Claus asked what she would like and posed for a pictures.  Then he offered her parents advice to reign her in stricter.  Santa gave Idunn a cane and hustled here away.  He said he would see her soon on Christmas Day.  Glancing back Santa gave her a wink.  He knew Krampus too Idunn started to think.

Back to the furry gang Krampusse all were on the run.  Each headed for an exit after a little fun.  Knocking over displays with choruses of merry shouts.  Krampus himself laid a store greeter out.  He called to Krampus "Happy Holidays" and the monsters attitude took a turn for the worse.  For Krampus no other Christmasy greeting was worse.  Our monster had put only Christmas in his evil heart and of other holidays he was determined to have no part.  Sure Krampus remember all the ancient traditions of times gone and old.  He often mistook Santa for Odin if truth be told. He remember time before it was called Christmas, the wintry Yule. Before he was reined in by Santa, Krampus was even more cruel!

The gang broke into the movie house interrupting the show.  It was something about Pine tree Vermont hoping it was going to snow.  The monstrous band lashed the crowd howling for their blood.  Krampus mauled the Mayor, he was known for graft and sling of the mud. The Krampusse devoured the concession stand even if the popcorn sort of stale. Glass and candy was scattered on the floor.  Everything gone, Krampus smiled contently upon the gore.  It was a gala night before the carnage came, now the rich of the splendid town lay broken and in pain. Krampus knew most were crooks and got what they deserved.  He was happy for the Jolly backdrop on which his vengeance was served.  It was the sort of night to be spoken of for years.  Krampus would swell with pride when he felt a burning of his ears.  His band of krampusse he freed on the unsuspecting town.  Heading off to sleep in a cap and long night gown.

With Christmas a few weeks away, Krampus was up with the first light of day. The big monster thought of the little men working in Santa's shop.  Once he tried to help but the fat man told him to stop.  Krampus wasn't an elf nor good with his hands but Krampus helped charity in ways only he can.  In big toy stores all filled with Christmas rush; Krampus encouraged shoppers donate or blood would gush.  At Christmas “Toys for Tots” left out a bin, Krampus made sure everyone tossed a couple toys in.  The monster didn't talk or say a word, just swished his switch lightly the message clearly heard. A couple of teenagers tried to sneak by they were unhurt mostly, just a blackened eye.

One night Idunn trotted up with an unwrapped toy, the monster cracked a little smile to the girls bounding joy.  Her parents hurried off worried Krampus may eat her, but Idunn knew there was no reason to fear.  The hulking brute had grown fond of the girl. Idunn and he would talk over the fence all hours of the night, and then she would climb through her window quick as a squirrel. Idunn leaving the beast for her soft warm bed; Krampus to his dog house that didn't cover his head. Idunn's parents wouldn't understand; if they knew these nightly visits would be banded. 

The little girl gone, Krampus again enforced the rules.  Krampus thought of charity important for the Yule.  The store stood on the classy side of town; He didn't target the poor for this Christmas shake down.  All had plenty to give or got the whip, it was funny how the richest usually ended with a fat lip.  Krampus looked over toys in the bin, somewhat ambivalent it was hard to read his grin.  Too few gifts for the older boys and girl, Christmas wasn't easy for the older orphans of the world.  No music players or big kid bikes, but plenty gift for the smallest of tike's.  Krampus stalked about the isles, tossing toys into unsuspecting carts, and then instructing shoppers where to donate with a menacing smile.  Shoppers complied in fear, buying music players or losing their ears.  The monster ordered one suited man to buy up video games or face his wrath.  He bought out the store earning the beasts approving Laugh. Near closing time Krampus appraised the haul, smiling happily the bins filled all.  He could go home his work complete, next year maybe he and Santa couple compete.  Many kids would have a happy year, now it was time for Krampus to make the others tremble in fear.

This time of year the Ahwahnee hotel held a fine Christmas feast, and all the medieval merriment called to the beast. The dining room was decorated so festive it glowed.  All in the theme of a Christmas at Bracebridge hall of old.  Some sort of artist had organized the first dinner, many years back when Krampus was much thinner.  The monster visited in the dark of night, knowing his monstrous site would cause a fright. He peered in through the windows cracking as sash, and dined on left overs and trash. He enjoyed the evening it was all so fun, but where was the terror. Of fear there was none.

The peacock pie had been served to one and all when Krampus burst from the window and stormed the hall. He battered the house keep and flattened the Lord of Misrule. All the fancy dinners would remember this Yule. He grabbed a banker and gave him the lash. Buggering his wife with a rod made of ash.  Krampus tore at a tuba player and wrapped brass about him like a bow.  The monster preferred guitar, this was a critique of the show.  Pipers and players neither were spared, Flutes rammed down throats and up other places; you would have glared.  His hoof smashed tables shattering plates, if you love carnage you'd say it was just great.  Blows felled a bus boy like a tree; he was embezzling from the bar.  Krampus's switch lashed the evil, them running near and far.  Then beast was on them with a mighty bound; whips and cries a musical sound.When all the nice banners lay broken and torn, Krampus flew away his welcome having grown worn. A last look Krampus surveyed the damage with delight. Hooting and hollering a menacing "Grus vom Krampus" into the night!

This late In the season Krampus loved to bake. His were the worst inedible ill flavored sort of fruity cakes. Krampus delivered them to the neighbor's doorsteps with a toss.  Some shattered across the lawn but the monster wouldn't mourn their loss. Cake broken windows were none of Krampus's concern.  He did the same thing last Christmas and the neighbors really should have learned.  The cakes were hard and really not for eating; more a friendly seasons greeting.   Krampus didn't shell the nuts just leaving them in for a surprise.  To some he added bolts and hot wheels you should have seen the kiddies eyes.  In January the dentist fixed many teeth, he was so grateful he often sent Krampus a wreath. 

Krampus's cookies tasted vaguely of frogs.  No one dared eating them not even local dogs.  He pumpkin bread alone was delicious and that he didn't share.  We only knew of those from the mouth watering smell dangling in the air.  The monster always had Figgie Pudding waiting on the boil.  He dumped it on carolers leaving them flame broiled.  Krampus often baked in coins despite the cost.  They were a choking hazard several lives were lost.  Then came the mincemeat flavored pie, though it wasn't meat and Krampus wondered why.  The beast added tripe to make it true to name, the few who ate it wondered who was to blame.  The pies were horrid terrible foul; left on doorsteps when the Beast did prowl.  Once Krampus had added candied apples to a church bake sale, they were infested with worms, also pretty stale.  In the caramel glaze they looked fine, but after a few bites kiddies retched and whined.

His neighborhood baking was the talk of the town, spoken in hushed whispers with a grim frown.  Few knew Krampus the beast lurked; they thought the food from a prankster jerk.  Only Idunn watched the monster bake, Krampus in a hair net for cleanness sake.  The girl and monster chatted through the fence, Krampus making cookies full of mince.  They shared some of his pumpkin cakes; it was the only tasty dish of all he makes.  Idunn even helped deliver the treats late one night.  She crept out late even through knowing it wasn't right.  For the most part Krampus's cooking was not enjoyed; just another Christmas sorrow for all the girls and boys.

A couple of days later Idunn and the monster left their houses late in the evening.  Krampus had a special treat that needed seeing.  Krampus and Idunn wandered the in wonder all through the park; even though all was turned down and dark.  The Little scenes of Christmastide, all laid still long past closing time.  The beast looked on smiling at how with no people no peddlers it got Christmas right.  In rain lights shined on the roadway all looking lonely in depth of night.  With the power on elves hammered out toys in a sweatshop for the good girls and boys.  Reindeer trotted in a stable each in a stall.  These were ancient animatronic Christmas scenes once owned by the mall. Some new others old and dingy, they should be cleaned but the city was stingy.  Idunn happily squealed the about the virtues of every scene, the girl so happy Krampus smiled not the least bit mean. She shouldn't have been out this late.  Certainly not with a monster, but she thought it was great. He parents had taken her, at day to see the park, but now it had a new magic, with a monster, in the dark. A forest of lighted trees decks by local rotary clubs; shined merrily lighting the way to local pubs.  Of all Idunn liked the little Noah's Ark, she said it was the best of the whole Christmas In the Park.  The monster smiled remembering the traditions start.  A gift from the cities mortician, the irony was not lost in Krampus's heart. 

These late hours the sausage stand watered Krampus's maw.  He found a few left over links in a can with trash and straws. Idunn said no when Krampus offered a bite, the beast wanted her to eat but she put up a fight. the chilly air gusts were odd for a city of the bay, and drop of rain sent the pair on their way. They left wind rushing through Krampus's hair, upon an old motorbike sidecar equipped for flair.  Idunn huddled wrapped up with a giant helmet on top.  She shouted with joy at Krampus with every stop. On through the houses alight with Christmas light bulbs shining against the night.  He turned down unknown streets to see houses made up with zeal.  Most streets had but a few but one street he stopped skidding with a squeal.  All the houses even the trees shined out blanketing the scene in weight.  Krampus eyes shone thinking the view was great. Like new fell snow drooping down every bough! When Idunn saw she gasped a great big wow! This was a street to remember and check in on again.  Then they rode off Krampus with his new found friend.

A couple of nights later the sirens wailed as Krampus cackled through the night; speeding through the city finally the last of the cop cars disappeared from sight.  The chase started and was over quick the monster on his motor bike along with Saint Nick.  The police saw a monster on the bike and gave chase.  Santa didn't want to be seen with Krampus and hid his face.  Claus was setting loose Krampus on a kid from the mall.  While visiting Santa the brat screamed and kick Santa in the balls.  These were the nights Krampus loved his Christmas work.  When Father Christmas wasn't being such a goody goody jerk.  The monster enjoyed righteously beating kids.  Santa directing the punishment based on who much bad they did.

Under the cloudy sky Krampus spied on the house from afar, Santa all the time hid in the motorcycle sidecar. The stockings were hung and they watch the fire crack merry, unaware they were being stalked by someone quit scary.  A Cloven hoof kicked in the door and the family gasped in horror.  The children shrieked dropping presents and candy.   The monster grabbed the boy and looked at the mother somewhat randy.  On orders, Santa said not a mark, so Krampus beat the bastard with a bag of oranges and tan bark.  After the child moaned in a pulp he looked up at the mom and she gave a loud gulp. The cop cars were her release, who knows what she would have done with the beast.  The pair rode off after the damage was done. Krampus smiling, he thought it had been fun.  They made their way to another house later that eve.  Krampus consulted with Santa if the mystery house should get a reprieve.  The pair looked in wondering what the family was about.  The tree was decked out as if nothing was ajar, except the top had no angel not even a star.  Presents were nestled under the tree with care, in the hopes that the winter solstice would soon be there.  They wondered why the family pretended through the Christmas Yule.  Maybe they thought denying their kids presents was far too cruel. 

Santa remembered the Parents from when they were tots.  They were good but their Christmas lists demanded a lot.  The children Santa had never visited before, and Krampus didn't remember leaving them in gore. Something was wrong they thought on the matter.  Krampus would investigate while Santa ate cookies and got fatter.  Claus left the issue to the beast and Krampus considered them a future feast.  They left knowing Krampus would be back.  The monster was already planning his attack.